


A Change in life

by AinhoaGCH



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-17 02:50:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 56,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11266392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AinhoaGCH/pseuds/AinhoaGCH
Summary: Mr. Green is back, and Elsie has promised she wasn't going to let him touch Anna again. But he didn't have his eyes set on the maid, he wanted someone more powerful from downstairs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you any suggestions as how the story should continue or how you would like it to continue please leave your ideas in the comments and I will see if they can work. Any reviews are kindly accepted.

Elsie finished lacing her corset; put her clothes on and after brushing her hair she went downstairs. Lord Gillingham was visiting Lady Mary, again, and his valet Mr. Green had set his eyes on Anna for the second time. Mrs. Hughes had promised herself she wouldn't let him touch her again like he did a year ago. She had sworn she would try and spend most of her time near him, making sure any of her maids suffered what Anna had suffered, she even thought about spending all her time with him even when he went to the bathroom. Anything for her girls.

But Mr. Carson had sent her up to change when accidentally he spilled a glass of wine all over the front of her dress. She had told him it was okay, that since the dress was black nobody would notice it and tried to go back to the room with Mr. Green, but he had insisted and she finally gave up and went upstairs. As quickly as she could she managed to put something else on (a black long skirt and a cream blouse, for she didn't want to button up any of her dresses, she would lose some precious time) and brush a few stranded brands of hair away from her face before going back downstairs.

To her horror Mr. Green had left the room, and she managed to run downstairs. There was no one there, and for a few seconds she wondered where everyone was, before she remembered that it was dinner time, and probably everyone was upstairs. She breathed a bit more calmly and walked to her Sitting Room. She walked to her desk to find a note of Mr. Carson saying that all the servants had been asked to join the party upstairs and that they were waiting for her. She laughed slightly at the thought of Daisy being able to go upstairs with the rest of them.

She turned around to see Mr. Green leaning on the doorframe with a wicked smile on his lips. Mr. Hughes' smile disappeared from her face as he walked a little closer to her, closing the door.

-Mr. Green, do you need anything?

-Oh, I just thought we might spend some time together, since everyone is upstairs.

-I was just going upstairs to join them, so if you will excuse me.

She tried to move closer to the door, but he didn't let her. He grabbed her arm and sat her on the desk.

-Mr. Green let me go!

-Mrs. Hughes, you are confusing me.

-Confusing you? What are you talking about?!- She tried to get down, but he didn't let her, he pinned her arms behind her back and moved his face closer to hers.

-You haven't let your eyes leave me since I came. I know I'm a very sexy man…

-What are you talking about?! Let me go!

-Scream; go ahead, no one will hear you. Nobody heard Anna.

-Let me go! Now! I'm sure someone will hear me; it won't be the same as with Anna.

-So you know? And you didn't tell anyone? You are a good girl… Elsie.

-Don't you dare use my name!- He kissed her cheeks, her jaw...

-You are beautiful, does your butler… Charles… show you often? Does he make you scream like I'm going to?

She screamed for help, but Mr. Green covered her mouth with his, keeping her quiet. She struggled to get out of his grip, but he was too strong for her. She was starting to panic, but she couldn't do anything. She fought, but he wouldn't let her go.

-Elsie, why are you fighting? If you stop I won't hurt you.

-Go to hell!

He slapped her so hard she fell backwards and off the table, hurting her back so badly tears filled her eyes. Mr. Green walked to her and took her hands, and slowly placed her in the middle of the room. She couldn't move, couldn't fight, so he took it as a sign to go on. He ripped her blouse, finding her corset and the pale flesh of her chest. The pain was starting to subside and she was starting to breathe better so she moved her legs and kicked him. He fell next to her so she stood up and tried to run to the door. She had her hand on the doorknob when she felt two hands on her hips, separating her from the door and throwing her to the floor again. He slapped her again, bruising her, took her shoes off and ripped her skirt. Her hands tried to slap him, but he moved every time, and soon he grew tired of her attitude and tied her hands to the wall.

-Now, behave and you won't get hurt… badly.

-Why are you doing this? – She was in pain, but she managed to speak.

-I just want to, now, don't ask any more questions and behave. – He placed himself on top of her, untying her corset.

-Get off me!

She tried to kick him so he kissed her. He tried to open her mouth, but she wouldn't, she tried to move her head away, but he took her head between his hands. He tried to open her mouth again, and since he wasn't getting lucky he took extreme measures. With his hands he opened her corset, and placed them on her breasts. She moaned, and hated herself for it. He kissed her again, and this time he managed to open her mouth. She found it disgusting and bit his lip, but to her dismay he bit her lip back and it drew blood from it. She yelled in pain, but he didn't care, he took her stockings off. She took advantage of this and kicked him, but she knew there was nothing she could do. He coughed a bit and ripped her knickers off. She wanted Charles, and it made her cry. Mr. Green looked at her, wiped a few tears and kissed her, unbuckling his trousers and opening her skirt.

-Don't cry Elsie, I will be out of here in no time. You have behaved more or less. Just make sure to compare me to that butler of yours the next time he makes love to you in this room.

These made her cry even more and scream louder, asking for help. He didn't bother; he let her scream as he entered her and started moving. He didn't even try to prepare her, he just moved, harder when he wanted, slower; he could feel her reaching her climax. She didn't want, she wanted all this to end, but she didn't want to find any kind of pleasure on these, and thank to the Lord she didn't. He finished before she reached it, and she sobbed as he pulled out and cleaned himself in her skirt.

-See, it wasn't that bad. Now, go upstairs, wash and put something on.

-I will tell the family, and you will be out of a job before you know it.

-Are they really going to believe you?

-Yes. Her Ladyship has always believed everything I've told her because I have never lied to her.

-Then I guess I can't let you do that.

He opened drawers until he found a letter opener. He walked to her and placed it on her throat. She breathed heavily and opened her eyes widely. He placed the letter opener in her arms and nodded. As he moved it across her flesh blood came out, making her scream.

-Does it hurt? Oh who cares, you won't breath a word about this. You will be dead. You are good, what a shame.

He cut her more times, all over her arms, her legs… He cleaned his hands on her skirt and stood up.

-It was very nice to see you again Mrs. Hughes. I hope I won't see you again.

He closed the door after getting out and she found herself crying uncontrollably. She screamed for help, but no one came. Not even Charles. Soon she didn't have the strength to scream, so she cried in silence thinking of Charles.


	2. Chapter 2

Anna walked down the corridor, hoping to find some peace, when she saw something coming out from under a door. She kneeled in front of it and saw that it was a pool of bright blood. She felt her heart stopping and run upstairs. She opened the door making everyone turn to look at her.

-Mr. Carson, is everyone here?

-Of course Mrs. Bates

-And the staff?

-Yes. Everyone is…

-No Mr. Carson. - Daisy cut him- Mrs. Hughes in not here.

-Oh my God!

-What's wrong Mrs. Bates?

-There's blood in the corridor downstairs, and I can't open the door.

Mr. Carson's face turned white as he run downstairs, knocking off everything that was on his way. He stopped in front of Mrs. Hughes' Sitting Room and tried to open the door.

-Elsie? Open the door! Elsie, please!

No one answered him so he quickly smashed it open and his world just as he knew it shattered. Elsie was tied to the wall, with her mouth a bit open. Charles could see her legs perfectly, that had cuts all over them; her breasts, because her blouse was hanging from her shoulders, completely ruined; and her pale arms which had cuts all over them. Her shoes where on the other side of the room, her knickers laid next to her, or what was left of them, and something that looked like her stockings laid against the desk. A pool of bright blood surrounded her, and Charles felt how his own blood left his body. He run to her and tried to hear her heart; after a few second he felt it. Hope rose inside him and he found it hard to stay calm. He carefully untied her, placed her against his chest and turned to face Anna.

-She's still alive, but not for long if you don't run for Dr. Clarkson.

Anna run upstairs and left them alone. Charles run his hand along her cheek.

-Please Elsie, open your eyes. Just that. Please. I love you. – After a few seconds she opened her blue eyes and looked at him. - That's it, don't close them, alright? – She nodded slightly. – What happened? Who did this to you?

-I'm… I'm scared. – Elsie's voice was nothing more than a whisper.

-Don't be. I'm here, and I'm not leaving you. What happened?

-I… I was… attacked- She stopped for a moment, feeling tears running down her cheeks, before continuing. – But… does it matter… now? I'm going… going to die

-No, you are going to be alright. I can promise you that.

-I was scared Charles, but… but you said you… you loved me, and… and I want you to know… that I love you too… before I die.

-Elsie Hughes, you are not going to die! You can't leave me. I want to marry you and have children with you, even though you might think you are too old, we can still try. And I can't do any of that if you are dead.

-You want… to marry me? The… old housekeeper?

-Yes. That is why I love you, because I know you can be rigid, and I've seen you being cold, but I want to see you as a real mother and as my wife.

-Why didn't you… tell me this before?

-Because was afraid that you might not love me.

-I wish we could… have had more time to… to spend together.

-Don't say that. – Charles was fighting the tears that were about to fall down her cheeks, as he tried to stay as calm a she could. He tried not to break down. – Please, don't say that.

-Charles, be realistic… I'm… dying- she tried to move her head to look at him, but she wasn't strong enough.

-No! – Charles' tears run freely down his cheek. – You are not going to die! You can't die. Whoever did this to you is going to pay for it.

Her ladyship stood against the doorframe, watching them. Her heart ached with love and sadness. The scene in front of her was horrible and at the same time beautiful; he was holding her, crying, trying to keep her awake. Suddenly heavy footsteps were heard in the corridor, so she turned and breathed in relieve when she saw Dr. Clarkson and Lord Grantham walking in her direction. She moved away from the door.

-What happened? - Dr. Clarkson kneeled beside them and took her wrist in his hand.

-She was attacked. I don't know anything else.

He nodded and took one of her arms in his hands as gently as he could. He took care of the wounds (Charles had to take really good hold of her because she tried to back away from him, screaming in pain), covered them in bandages and took care of her bruises and swollen lip.

-Mrs. Hughes blood type is A positive. She needs a transfusion right away. Do any of you have that blood type? If you don't we will have to take her to the hospital.

-I do. - Charles was looking down at Elsie, who was pale as a sheet.

-Then take her to her room and I will prepare everything there.

Charles took her in his arms as gently as he could and carried her. He placed her slowly on the bed and looked at her. She was all covered in bandages, some of which were already red from the blood that was still trying to leave her body. Her Ladyship helped Charles and Anna take her clothes off, wash her (Charles left the room to give them as much privacy as he could) and put a nightgown on. Dr. Clarkson entered the room, took a long transparent tube from his bag and attached it to the needles that were in their arms. Soon blood left his body and joined hers.

-She lost blood, but not enough to die. I want someone with her all the time in case she needs something. I want to know, when she's ready to tell you, what happened. For now let her rest and in two hours ask Mrs. Crawley to take the needles off.

He looked one more time at her and left the room with the saddest look on his face Charles had ever seen.

-Carson, if you need anything just tell me, I'll be right outside.

-My Lady, you should go back to the party.

-No, I couldn't possibly go back now. Lord Grantham and I will be outside.

-Thank you My Lady.- She closed the door leaving Anna with them.

-Mr. Carson, with your permission I would like to go downstairs and tell everyone about the situation.

-Of course. Tell them she's alright. - She nodded and left the room with tears in her eyes.

-You see? You are going to be alright. Just fine. – She opened her eyes and smiled lightly at him.

-I can see that. And I would like you to… propose to me, since you said that you wanted to marry me.

-I have the ring in my room, if you wait a minute I will ask her Ladyship to bring it. Just close your eyes and wait. Lady Grantham! – He waited for her to open the door. – My Lady, I would like to ask a favor from you.

-Yes, of course.

-There's a ring in a red box in my closet, would you mind bringing it?

-Not at all Carson. - She run to his room, took it from the closet and run back to him, smiling. - I will leave the door open, if you don't mind. – She whispered. He nodded.

-Elsie, you can open your eyes now. - She slowly opened them and saw a beautiful golden ring resting inside a red velvet box. – Elsie Hughes, I've loved you since the first day you came to Downton Abbey wearing that old dress, that smile on your face and in your beautiful blue eyes. I remember that I asked you, as a gentleman, if you wanted me to carry your luggage, and you almost slapped me telling me that you could do it. Since then I knew we would get on just fine.

I know that Lady Sybil's death hit me harder than I thought it would. I was really grateful that you were there for me. You are the only are who knows what I like, what I hate and were my loyalty stands. I've always taken care of myself, and the only thing I want right now is to be able to grow old with you, to be able to have children with you, even If you still think you are too old, we could try; and to see that you can take care of me when I no longer can.

Because life hasn't been kind to you and you deserve a little bit of happiness, Elsie Hughes, I'm telling you that I love you, that I would shout it on the streets of Yorkshire if I had to. I adore you as much or even more as I adore my own life. That is why I'm asking you to marry me.

Elsie's eyes were filled with tears as she listened to his words. When he finished his little speech they were running freely down her cheeks.

-I never thought I would hear such words from you Charles.

-I just want to take care of you, like I'm doing now, for the rest of our lives.

-If I could move I would kiss you.

-I think I can do something about that.

-Be careful with the needles.

-Don't worry.

He sat on the bed carefully, placed both hands on her face and was about to kiss her when suddenly she turned her head. He saw the look of fear in her eyes.

-I'm sorry Charles, I didn't mean to pull away like that. I really mean it.

He looked at her. Her swollen lip, the bruises in her arms, legs, waist; he remembered her ripped knickers, her stockings, her blouse, the skirt and how disgusted she looked with herself.

-You were raped. – Lord Grantham and Lady Cora approached the door and looked at each other with shocked faces.

-I just… didn't want… you to…

-You were raped. – He repeated simply.

-I'm sorry Charles. I wish I were dead.

Anna was near the door and when she heard those words her mind went directly to Mr. Green. She run to the room.

-He did it again, didn't he?

Elsie turned to see Anna standing next to the bed.

-Who? Do what? – Charles' blood was boiling, and he felt his cheeks and ears turning red.

-Mr. Green.

Elsie screamed and covered her face with he hands, crying.

-Mr. Green raped you before Elsie?

-No, Mr. Carson. He raped me.

-Why didn't you tell us?!

-Mrs. Hughes knew it. She is the only one.

-Then how did he manage to rape Elsie?!

-God, Charles, you are making it sound as if it is my fault! – Elsie was angry and scared.

-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you that impression. But… how did it happen?

-He walked into my Sitting Room. I tried to leave, but before I knew it he had closed the door and had lying on the floor. I tried to escape, but he wouldn't let me go. He tied me to the wall, ripped my clothes and… and… - tears run down her cheeks.

-And then he raped you. God Elsie, why didn't you tell me this before?

-Well, now you know.

-And… how did you get all those cuts?

-I told him I would tell the family, so he was making sure I took this secret to the grave.

He looked at her marvelling at her strength, at how she had managed to survive such a horrible thing. Before he knew it she hid in his chest and cried.

-It's okay Elsie, cry as much as you want and need to.

Anna was crying too, with her hands on her mouth. Elsie's experience had been much worse than her own. She turned around to see Lady Cora and Lord Grantham, the first one with tears in her eyes, standing there, looking at each other, so she slowly closed the door.

Charles held her until he felt that's he had stopped crying, then he looked down at her. Her blue eyes were red, and he could see the rivers the tears had caused.

-Elsie, don't worry. I'm not leaving you and if you think that this is going to stop me from marrying you, you are wrong.

-You still want to?

-Yes. Don't worry about this, I'm sure her Ladyship and his Lordship will take care of it.

-What if he comes back?

-Then he will have to deal with me.

She smiled at him and rested her head against his chest. This was just a warm embrace between them.

-You are very good to me Charles.

-You deserve it. No sleep my love; I will stay with you from now on. I will take care of everything when Mrs. Crawley comes.

-Charles, could you give me a sweet kiss?

-I'll be careful with your lip

She felt his warm breath against her mouth as he slowly pressed his lips sweetly over hers. He tasted like wine, and she tasted like honey and chocolate. She slowly closed her eyes, placed her head on the pillow and soon she fell asleep. He laid next to her, looking at Elsie with a small smile.


	3. Chapter 3

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and Mrs. Hughes wounds were healing nicely, the ones in her heart slower than the ones in her skin. Mr. Green had been arrested the next day of the incident, and they were waiting for the trial that would send him to jail forever.

Mr. Carson had notice she wasn't eat in the mornings, and that the basket that was next to her bed was being washed every day, and he was afraid she might have caught an infection. Dr. Clarkson used to come once or twice a week now to check on her and Charles was waiting for today's visit to talk with him.

He was pacing along the corridor when he heard heave footsteps coming up the stairs. He turned to see Dr. Clarkson and Anna at the end of the corridor walking in his direction.

-Thank you very much Mrs. Bates, you may return to your duties. - She nodded and run downstairs. – Dr. Clarkson, before you see Mrs. Hughes, I would like to talk with you. She's hasn't been having her breakfast for a few weeks now, she has been getting gill in the mornings and she's very tired.

-Mr. Carson, you know what all those symptoms mean, don't you?

-An infection no?

-Could be, but there's a bigger chance of her being… being with child Mr. Carson.

-With child? That's impossible, her childbearing years passed long ago.

-Let me examine her before jumping into conclusions.

He nodded and let him enter the room. He focused his eyes on the doorknob and swallowed his feelings, thinking about what Dr. Clarkson had just said about a child made his blood boil. His sweet Elsie couldn't be expecting a child that belonged to a disgusting human being who had tried to kill her. He just couldn't bear the idea of her having to spend the next nine of months or less carrying a child she might never be able to love. After several minutes the door opened and Dr. Clarkson came out closing his bag.

-How is she Doctor?

-Her wounds are much better; she should try and walk a bit around her room. But don't let her overdo it.

-And does she have an infection… or… well?

-I'm afraid, Mr. Carson that she is with child. I'm sorry.

-Did… did you tell her?

-I had to. She was shocked, so I think you better go inside and talk with her. If there are any problems call me.

-Thank you Dr. Clarkson.

-No need to thank me, it's my job. Carson… Charles, she means a lot to you, so please, stay with her, by her side. She will need help, so don't be like other men that leave their wives or girlfriends after being raped and in consequence getting pregnant. It's not her fault; she was trying to protect someone she loves.

-I will never leave her Dr. Clarkson, never.

-You are a good mean Mr. Carson. I'm glad she has you.

He squeezed Charles' upper arm and walked down the corridor. Mr. Carson opened knocked and opened the door.

-I've talked with the Doctor. – He walked to her bed and sat in his usual chair, next to her.

-What did he tell you? Is it going to be a murderer or a rapist?

-Don't say that Elsie. I'm as shocked as you are, but it's not the child's fault. I was worried it might be an infection that could kill you.

-This is not better than an infection, is it? I'm going to become a mother out of wedlock, to a child whose father tried to kill me and raped me... I've been wondering if I should have stayed in Scotland.

-Please Elsie, don't say that.

-It's the bloody truth Charles! This is what I feel, and I can't run away from it, and neither can you.

-No, we can't, but we can make the best out of it.

-What do you mean?

-We will have this child, and I will be its father.

-But what if the baby is born before we are married? Who will restore your honour?

-Nobody will restore it, because I don't need it. I don't care what they will say about me.

-I wish this baby were yours Charles. I really mean it.

-I know Elise, but we can't change how life works.

-I hate it. Why did this have to happen to me? I'm old, this shouldn't have happened! I shouldn't be pregnant! I had made up my mind about children!

-Elsie, I think you should rest.

-Rest?! This – she pointed at her belly. – is not going to change by resting Charles!

-You are right. Nothing is going to change.

-Oh, don't patronize me Charles- She looked at him with an angry look on her face.

-Alright! – Charles stood up and closed the door with such force that it was heard in the library. - What do you want me to say?! Do you want me to tell you that it's true and you should've never left Scotland?! That you should have stayed in your bloody farm in Argyll being hit and raped by a possible disgusting husband like Mr. Burns?! Tell me, do you?!

-Don't talk about Mr. Burns like that; he would have never done that.

-Be realistic Elsie; he would have done it. You can't run away from the truth.

-Don't talk to me about that and like that!

-Then about what do you want me to talk?! About your loveless heart?! About how stupid I was of falling in love with you?! What an idiot I was for giving my heart to you. – He was red and breathing heavily, looking at Elsie, who stared at him with a shocked expression on her face.

-Leave… Mr. Carson. – Her throat was tight and she could feel tears forming in her eyes.

-I haven't finished.

-Yes you have. Leave at once or I call for Mr. Barrow. – She turned her head and looked out the window.

-Fine. I'm leaving. But let me tell you this: we are too different, and a marriage would never work. The wedding's off.

He was angry, so angry he opened the door and slammed it close once he was out. He heard her crying, but he didn't care, or did he? He felt his heart breakingslightly. He lifted his head and found her Ladyship looking at him.

-Carson, is everything alright? I heard you yelling and…

-My Lady, there has been a change of plans. Everything has gone wrong.

-I don't what you mean Carson.

-She's with child.

-Oh my God! What are you going to do?

-You mean what is she going to do? I have nothing to do with that, so I will return to my duties, if you don't mind My Lady.

-Carson?

-We are not going to get married, so the child will be her problem. Now if you will excuse me My Lady.

He walked downstairs feeling stupid, empty, angry and sad. Deep inside he knew he would regret everything he said in a few minutes. Anna found Lady Cora standing in the corridor with a shocked expression on her face.

-Is something wrong My Lady?

-Mrs. Hughes is pregnant and Mr. Carson just cancelled the wedding.

-Oh my God! She must be scared to Death.

-I don't doubt it. Mrs. Bates, better go downstairs. I will have a little chat with Mrs. Hughes.

She nodded running downstairs. Lady Cora knocked and opened the door.

-Mrs. Hughes, may I come in?

-Of course- She dried her eyes with the corner of her sheets. Lady Cora walked to her bed. – Anything I can help you with My Lady?

-No. I understand you and Mr. Carson had a fight. Was it because he found out you are pregnant.

-No My Lady. He was worried I might have an infection, so he told Dr. Clarkson. We wanted to take care of me and my child, but I behaved like a stupid woman.

-I'm sure it wasn't just you.

-We both said things we shouldn't have. And everything is over.

-I'm sure this is just a fight. If Lord Grantham and I had finished everything because of a fight we would have never gotten married.

-But the wedding's off My Lady.

-Give him time. He will come back to you in no time, and you will see that everything is okay.

-What if he doesn't come back?

-He will. Men always come back after some time of thinking. No need to worry. No rest, don't forget there are two of you now.

Elsie nodded, resting her head against her pillow and closing her eyes. Once she was sure Elsie was asleep she left the room, closing the door quietly. She walked downstairs looking for her husband or Mr. Carson, whoever she found first. She entered the library and found both, one standing next to the door and the other one sitting comfortably on the couch.

-Carson, may I talk with you for a minute?

-Of course My Lady.

-Carson, she's very dear to you, isn't she?

-She is nothing to me but a pain My Lady.

-Perhaps a pain in your heart?

-What do you mean My Lady?

-Carson, she loves you, but she's scared, she has been raped and she just found out she's with child. I know you are both tired, but you can't finish everything because of an argument. She needs you, and if you think that she's trying to back away from you, she's not doing it on purpose. She has a cauldron of feelings right now inside her, but she knows she loves you. And she needs you.

-Perhaps you are right My Lady. I said a few things in the heat of the moment that I shouldn't have.

-Just let her adjust to the little one. Okay?

-Of course My Lady.

-And one more thing.

-Yes My Lady?

-You are getting married next week.

-So soon?

-I'm sure neither of you want that baby to be born out of wedlock, do you?

-Of course not. We talked about that.

-Then it's settled.

-I'll tell her

-She's resting so please don't wake her up.

Charles nodded and quickly left the room. He felt stupid and he was sure she felt the same way. He walked to her room, opened the door and walked inside closing the door. He sat in his chair watching her. She looked beautiful in her sleep; her cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink, her auburn curls were spread all over her pillow and a small smile on her lips. He kissed her cheek.

-I'm sorry.

It was the last thing he said before lying next to her on the bed. He was so in love with this woman. His woman.

No one knew where the butler was, not a single clue. Everyone was looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. They were afraid he had left Downton and Mrs. Hughes. Mrs. Patmore and Daisy were looking for him in the attic, but found nothing, so against their better judgment they decided to tell Mrs. Hughes. They both knew it would break heart, but it was the right thing to do.

-You keep quiet girl, let me tell her.

She knocked lightly and opened the door to find Elsie lying in bed with Mr. Carson's arms around her body and her head resting against his chest. They were both sleeping.

-I think we found him, Daisy.

-Should we go downstairs and tell her Ladyship?

-Yes. Tell her just what we saw.

They closed the door and run to the library. Everyone turned to look at them.

-Any news Mrs. Patmore?

-We found him My Lady.

-Where? Where on Earth is he?

-In Mrs. Hughes room

-What were they doing?

-Sleeping, holding each other.

-Didn't I tell Robert that they would make up? – Lady Cora moved closer to Lord Grantham and kissed his cheek.

-Should we wake them up My Lady?

-No Daisy. Let them sleep.

Mrs. Hughes heard the door close and opened her eyes to find Charles sleeping soundly next to her.

-Charles. – She called him quietly, but he didn't react to her words.

-Hmmmmm…- was all she got in return.

-Charles, shouldn't you go back? – He moved and opened his eyes.

-The Doctor said that he wanted someone with you all the time, and that's what I'm doing.

-I appreciate it, but…

-No buts. Elsie, don't say anything right now, okay? Just listen for a minute. I'm sorry about the things I said about Mr. Burns. I shouldn't have. It's been hard since the incident, and finding out you were with child and that it wasn't mine… I was angry for not being there to protect you, and I feel as if I'm paying the price now. I love you, and I know that you will get tired of hearing it, but I won't stop telling you.

-I should apologize too.

-No, you shouldn't

-Why shouldn't I?

-Because is not your fault- She smiled and kissed him lightly

-Oh, I almost forgot, her Ladyship has told me that we are getting married next week.

-Next week?! That's too soon. I won't have time to find a dress, and with the bruises and the bandages I won't look like a bride.

-You will, even if you wear that horrible yellow dress you will still look like a bride to me.

-I knew you didn't like it. The look on your face every time you see me wearing it; the way you to try to trick into buying new dresses… I could have guessed it with my eyes closed.

-Her Ladyship will take care of everything.

-I was wondering… why don't we get married… today, her in my room?

-You don't want a big wedding?

-Maybe after the little one is born.

-If that's what you want that's what we'll do. – They stayed in silence for a bit.

-Are you sad because the baby is not yours?

-In a way. It's complicated. I'm not angry with the baby, it's not its fault, and I'm not angry with you. I want Mr. Green to go to jail and to get hanged.

-Charles! I've never heard you say something like that!

-It's the truth.

-To be honest I want to it too. Not just for me, but also for Anna.

-Everything will be alright.

-Yes, and it's almost dinnertime, and you haven't chosen his Lordships wine.

-Oh Lord! I'll be right back. Wait here.

-Do you think I'm going to go somewhere?

-It's just an expression.

-I'm sure. Now, go before they start looking for you again.

He kissed her sweetly and left the room. Elsie looked out the window, placed her hands on her tummy and looked down.

-Hello little bean. I'm your mum, and I want you to know that I love you, and that that sweet man that just left is going to be your daddy. I will never tell you about the bad man that hurt me, because I will never consider him as your father. Never. Your daddy is a very dear man that works with me and who I know will take care of us. I love him very much, and he loves you too.


	4. Chapter 4

Elsie looked at her corset and sighed. She was 16 weeks pregnant, and she was bigger than her Ladyship when she was pregnant with Lady Sybill. She couldn't possibly wear any of her dresses now, and that had brought her almost to tears. She was sitting on her bed, in her nightgown, and she was already late to breakfast. She heard a knock on the door.  
-Come in. – She put her robe on and sat on a chair that was next to the window. Charles came in and closed the door.  
-Elsie, we are waiting for you, why aren't you dressed yet?  
-I don't have anything to wear that fits me! – She started crying and placed her hands on her face.  
-Alright…- He run to her and hugged her. – No need to cry. Why don't you wear one of your skirts, and your white blouse?  
-My skirts don't fit either. – She looked up to his face and dried her tears.  
-Okay, then… Wait here.  
-Where are you going Charles?  
-In a bit you will see. Just wait here.  
He kissed her cheek, left the room and walked downstairs, to the library. He knocked lightly and after hearing Lord Grantham he entered.  
-Something you want Carson?  
-I'm afraid we have a slight problem My Lord, and I was wondering if Lady Grantham would be so kind as to help me.  
-What's the problem Mr. Carson? – Her Ladyship sat next to her husband.  
-Mrs. Hughes is upstairs, crying, because none of the clothes she has fit her. Do you have any idea as what to do My Lady?  
-I was waiting for this day. – She stood up, left the room, leaving a very confused Carson standing there, and after several minutes she came in with two footmen carrying a big trunk, which they left on the floor. - Inside this trunk is your solution Mr. Carson.  
-What's inside the trunk My Lady?  
-Mrs. Hughes' new clothes. I went the other day shopping with Lady Mary, and we saw this beautiful black dress that we thought would look great on Mrs. Hughes, and we decided on buying her clothes. We know she doesn't have much money, and she will need it for the little one, so we decided on doing this. It includes: dresses, skirts, coats, new underwear, blouses, shoes, stockings and a big surprise I'm sure she will love. Now, take it upstairs, we will be having breakfast soon, and she was the one who insisted on going back to work today.  
-This is… This is so wonderful from you My Lady. I will take upstairs right now. Thank you. – Charles smiled at her and quickly told the footmen to take it and to follow him.  
Once upstairs they left it on the floor and went downstairs. Charles opened the door to find Elsie just where he had left her. He smiled and took the trunk inside.  
-What is that Charles?  
-Well… Your new clothes.  
-My what? – She stood up and opened the trunk.  
The first thing she saw was a beautiful black dress with an elastic band in her waist that could be adjusted as they baby grew. She took it out and placed it on the bed to look at it more closely. It had small decorations all over it, and it was a knee length dress.  
-Charles, how did you… This must have cost a fortune?  
-I wouldn't know, her Ladyship and Lady Mary have taken care of your entire wardrobe. You have new skirts, dresses, shoes… even underwear.  
-Underwear? – She walked over to the trunk and after moving a few boxes and packages she found a blue box from the lingerie shop. She took it out and opened it. -Charles, I couldn't possibly wear this! My bosom wouldn't be supported! – She showed him a peach color bra with elastics. – Well, I think it might be supported in this… The elastics would help. Oh, please, look at the knickers Charles! My belly is going to fit in this! – She smiled brightly and laughed.  
-Do you like the clothes?  
-I love them. They are beautiful. The problem now is what do I wear?  
-I think that the first dress would make your belly look beautiful.  
-If you wait here while I put my underwear on and then you can help me with the dress.  
-I will choose the stockings and the shoes while you are in the bathroom. Just be quick, the staff must be starving.  
-Thank God I did my hair an hour ago. I will be right back. Could you put everything in the wardrobe while I'm away?  
She kissed his cheek and took the blue box with her. Charles took things out of the trunk and put them placed them carefully in the closet. Soon the trunk was empty except for a white package. It had a small card attached, and it said just one word. Surprise.  
-I'm here. Give me the stockings. – Charles lifted his head from the white package and instead of giving her what she had asked for he gave her the package. -They must be a really expensive pair of stockings. – She opened it and opened her mouth widely. - Charles! This is a baby blanket. – She looked at him and then back at the blanket. It was white, with the corners in silver colour and with small teddy bears embroidered.- Did you buy this Charles?  
-No. Her Ladyship got it for you. It was a surprise.  
-It's beautiful, remind me to thank her Ladyship, but now we have to go downstairs, so give me the stockings and the shoes. You button the dress up. – She left the blanket on the bed and took the stockings from Charles hands.  
She quickly put them on, and Charles with steady and warm hands buttoned the dress up. She put her shoes on, took the bottle of perfume and put a few drops of it on her wrists and behind her ears.  
-Lets go. I'm starving. – She closed the door after Charles.  
-So no morning sickness anymore?  
-No. It finally passed, and I'm very happy that I don't have to see the basket next to my bed anymore. I was starting to hate it. Have you found it difficult to run the house without me?  
-Not at all. Anna has proved to be an excellent possible housekeeper, but she will never be as good as you.  
-Flattery will get you everywhere with me Mr. Carson.  
-I certainly hope so.  
She laughed slightly and once they reached the end of the stairs she took a couple of deep breaths and followed Charles to the Servant's Hall. They stood up as soon as they saw Mr. Carson and started whispering as soon as Mrs. Hughes set foot on the place.  
-Please sit down. As you can see Mrs. Hughes is back, and I hope you will be helpful and treat her as if nothing had changed.  
-Things have changed Mr. Carson. – Thomas looked from his face to her belly, which could be seen perfectly through the fabric of her dress.  
-Nothing has changed Mr. Barrow.  
-Then I suppose that if she gives birth in her Sitting Room you won't have to be notified. Nothing has changed.  
-Mr. Barrow, I'm warning you; I won't stand any of your foolishness from now on. Mrs. Hughes is healthy and so is the child, and I refuse to hear any more jokes about this.  
-Mr. Carson, I refuse to treat her as the housekeeper she used to be. She's Mr. Green's little whore and she's carrying a little bastard…  
-Mr. Barrow, don't you dare say anything about my wife! I won't have you insulting her! If I hear one more word you will be out of this house before you can finish your sentence.  
-Wife? - Alfred looked at him.  
-Yes, we got married a few weeks ago. Now let’s have breakfast.  
Thomas looked at him in a challenging way before sitting down. The tension eased a bit, and he sat down once Elsie was in her chair. Charles gave her a reassuring smile before he started eating.  
-Mr. Carson, - Anna left her fork on the table. – can I tell her?  
-Yes. This will be the best time.  
-Mrs. Hughes, Mr. Green has been convicted, so he's going to jail. They didn't want to move you from your bed, so Mr. Carson testified in your behalf, I testified, and a girl from town too so the judge didn't doubt it for a minute, and he was sent to jail this morning.  
-Oh, Anna! - She looked at her before she turned to Charles. – Oh Charles!  
-I knew you would be very glad.  
-He won't be back then. We are safe.  
-Yes. – He looked at the table. - You better start with your duties. And as for you Mrs. Hughes, - He handed her the keys. – welcome back.


	5. Chapter 5

-Elsie Hughes stop eating the cookies!

Mrs. Patmore took the tray of chocolate cookies from the table and placed it on the counter. Elsie sighed and bit the last cookie she had stolen. They were in the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore baking, and Elsie sitting in a chair, chatting. The maids, the footmen and Daisy had been allowed to go to the fair, and Elsie, who had a backache because of her 27 weeks belly, refused to go, and since Charles didn’t want to leave her alone he had asked Beryl to stay with her. He was going to town to see a cottage, and if he liked it he would come back to Downton with the keys on his pocket.

-I’m sorry, Baby wants the cookies, and I can’t let my little one down, can I?

-Elsie, you’ve had 23 cookies. You are going to get sick!

-No, I won’t. You should ask Charles how many pickles I had yesterday. He stopped counting at 29.

-You are not going to have a child; you are going to have a crusher 

-Oh, Beryl, you are no fun. Come on, give me the tray. 

-No. From this moment on you are going on a diet.

-You wish. Do you know when Charles will be back?

-He said he would be back before six. It’s five thirty.

-I hope he comes soon. - She had a weird look on her face and her hands on her belly.

-Elsie? 

-It will be over once the baby moves. – She whispered, closing her eyes, and putting a bit of pressure on her belly. – Come on, move. Move. Move… There. – She took a deep breath and patted her belly lightly. – You’ve been giving me a hard time lately. You better calm down a bit.

-Elsie, what’s wrong?

-Nothing, Baby was just stretching, and he or she sent my stomach upwards, right under my lungs, and it hurt.

-Don’t scare me like that. I thought you were going to give birth right here.   
– Elsie laughed and stood up, rocking her hips lightly forward and backward.

-When I give birth you will know. Did you want to go to the fair? – Elsie placed one of her hands on the small of her back and with the other one she took her cup of tea from the table.

-Not really. If I had gone I would have ended up watching Daisy, and the poor girl wouldn’t be having as much fun as she is having right now.

-I’m sure Thomas is having fun, being away from me, at least for a few hours.

-Don’t mind him; he’s just a stupid young man.

-Charles has been watching him closely, he’s afraid he might… hurt me.

-Hurt you? That boy wouldn’t kill a fly. He’s manipulative, and he might blackmail people, but he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

-Charles is not that sure. He wants to protect me and Baby from him and from everyone he thinks could harm us. He doesn’t want to feel guilty if something happens. He still has forgiven himself for not being there when all the Mr. Green incident happen.

-I’ve heard you talking in the middle of the night. 

-Yes, he suddenly wakes up from a nightmare and hugs me. He always has the same nightmare. Mr. Green hurting me and him not being able to do anything. He watches us, but he can’t stop it. I don’t know when all of this is going to stop.

-Well, I just found out Charles Carson is human. – Elsie laughed and started walking a bit around the kitchen.

-He’s more human than what you all think. He has been so protective and supportive since we got married.

-Excuse me if my question seems a bit bold, but have… you know… done that?

-Yes, we have. Just once.

-And? 

-He was so sweet and loving all the time that I didn’t think of Mr. Green, not even once. No memories of that night came to me. The memories come back mostly when I’m in the shower. When I look down and see all the scars in my arms and legs. But it’s over, and I’m not afraid.

-I’m glad you are not afraid.

-I’m not scared anymore. I think it’s because I have now a big bear whose arms embrace me and keep me safe.

-Well, Mrs. Bear, I’m very glad, but get away from my tray of cookies. –   
Elsie had walked slowly to the counter.

-I’ll take just one. 

-One after another.

-Oh Beryl, you don’t trust me. Tell me, what can I eat?

Suddenly two strong arms covered Elsie’s eyes. She smelled wine and cinnamon, and felt a ring in the left hand of the person who had covered her eyes.

-Why don’t you stop eating for a bit, and start thinking of possible names for our brand new cottage?

Charles mover his hands from her face and showed her a dark key, smiling. Elsie jumped from happiness and hugged him. They had a house for themselves now.

-Oh Charles, I’m so happy. I’m so so happy. Even Baby is happy. – She took his free hand and placed it on her belly for him to feel Baby’s feet against the fabric of her dress. – How does it look like?

-It has a green door, a very big garden, it’s made out of stone, and it has plants all over it. It’s beautiful. 

-Oh Charles. I can imagine you in the garden, and the house. Oh Charles!

-Why don’t you take your purse and your coat and we go and see the house? We can take Mrs. Patmore too.

-Mrs. Patmore… And who else?

-Well… perhaps Her Ladyship and Lady Mary would like to come too. It’s possible that I said something about the house to them.

-I’ll get my purse, you get my coat. – She left the kitchen.

-You might want to take those chocolate cookies. – Beryl pointed at the tray on the counter. – She’s been eating them all evening.

-Tell me Mrs. Patmore, how is she?

-She’s perfectly alright Mr. Carson. You can stop having those nightmares now. She’s not afraid anymore.

-I was worried, now I think I will start sleeping better.

-Until she reaches her eight month of pregnancy. I believe you won’t sleep then. Any slight pain, any movement, anything will make you call Dr. Clarkson. If one day I don’t see you in Downton it might be because she locked you in a closet. – Beryl gave him the bag of chocolate cookies.

-Her Ladyship is waiting outside with the car, so we better hurry.  
Mrs. Patmore took her coat and her hat as Mr. Carson took Elsie’s hat and coat. They run upstairs to find Elsie waiting for them on the front door.

-Come on. I want to see my house. Our house. – Charles handed her the coat and the hat and waited for Mrs. Patmore to go out to close the door.

-My Lady, you don’t mind if Mrs. Patmore joins us, do you?

-Not at all Carson, but we must hurry; we want to have dinner with Mrs. Crawley today. 

She got inside the car and helped Mrs. Hughes into it; Mrs. Patmore refused any help and got inside all by herself, well by herself and with Mr. Carson’s’ hand on her back, otherwise she would have fallen. When they were all settled the driver drove away.

-I see you are enjoying your new clothes Mrs. Hughes.

-Very much My Lady. They are very comfortable, and beautiful. Baby enjoys them too, mostly the dark blue skirt with the dark blue blouse. It allows him or her to kick and move without being seen by anyone, just me.

-I can’t wait until you wear the dark green dress we bought. – Lady Mary smiled at her. – But you are still a few weeks away from that dress. I’m sure it would look beautiful.

-I’m very sure My Lady.

-Have you decided on any names yet?

-We are still arguing about that My Lady. – Charles took Elsie’s hand on his.

-We are not arguing. I know very well what names I like; it’s you the one who doesn’t like them.

-I refuse to call my daughter Lucinda. Sounds horrible.

-We could call her Lucy.

-I prefer Joanna.

-I don’t want to call my daughter Jo, or Anna. I would prefer to call her Rose over that.

-Carson, Mrs. Hughes, this is a happy day, don’t start arguing.

-I’m sorry Lady Cora. 

-Oh look, we are here. 

The car stopped in front of a fence, and the driver helped everyone out except Mrs. Patmore, who again refused any help, and who ended up in Lady Mary’s arms. There were trees that covered the house, so Elsie couldn’t see anything.

-Elsie, close your eyes and take my hands. I will guide you.

-Don’t let me fall.

-Never.

She took his hand on hers and closed her eyes. Charles walked to the fence, opened it and walked with Elsie through a path up to the house. 

-Open your eyes.

She did as told and gasped. The cottage had a green door, as Charles had told her, and it was made out of bricks, but it was big, and it had four big windows on the front, two of them in the second floor. Plants made their way up to the roof through the walls of the house, giving it a fairytale look. The roof was orange and curvy and the chimney could be seen from the floor. 

-Charles, this is the most beautiful cottage in the whole world.

-I thought you would like it. Would you like to go inside?

-Yes. Yes.

He opened the door and held it open for her. Smiling she walked inside, followed by Lady Mary, Lady Cora and Mrs. Patmore. The hall was small, but enough for them, with a white ceiling and cream walls; to the right was the stairs and to the left the living room. She walked inside and placed a hand on the chimney. She looked around the room; it was big, enough for a desk, two sofas and a few things more, with the same cream walls and white big windows. She looked to the right and saw a wooden door that linked the living room with the dining room. She opened the door to find a big room of white walls and the kitchen with a stove, an oven… everything you needed for a kitchen.

-Do you like it so far?

-It’s beautiful Charles.

-Then let’s go upstairs. – He opened another wooden door that was in the right wall that linked the kitchen with the hall.

They walked upstairs to find a corridor with four doors. Elsie doubted a bit but went for the door that was in the right. It was the Masters bedroom, and it was bigger than the room she had right now in Downton. It had cream walls, a big white window and a chimney. She saw a white door in the left and we she opened it she found the bathroom, with everything in white porcelain, the bathtub, the sink…

-The other bathroom is more or less like this one, and the other two rooms are a bit smaller than the Master bedroom, but enough for a nursery and a guestroom. If you want to see them…

-No. I think I can imagine how they look.

-Then what do you think. 

-Charles, I love it. It’s perfect. – She kissed him.

-I have something for you, come downstairs. -She followed him to the living room. 

-Charlie! – A beautiful metal crib stood in the middle of the room, with a white mattress, a blanket under it that reached the floor and with little pink and blue bows all over the crib’s bars. 

-Welcome home Mrs. Carson. – He went up to her and hugged her.

-Charlie, this is beautiful. – She placed her hands on the crib feeling the cold metal. – I just… God it’s beautiful. – She felt tears in her eyes and running down her cheeks.

-Why are you crying?

-Because it’s beautiful, and I want the bag of cookies you have in your pocket.

-Of course Mrs. Carson. You can eat as many cookies as you want in your house.

-We have a house Charlie. This is our house. – He gave her the bag.

-The Carson’s Cottage. – She bit a cookie and looked down at the crib.


	6. Chapter 6

Charles finished painting the closet and left the brush on the floor. He looked at his finished work and smiled before turning to look at his wife, who was knitting. Elsie was now 30 weeks pregnant, and she looked as if she had eaten two watermelons. It had become very difficult for her to move around Downton for an entire day, so her Ladyship had decided on giving her the day off in the evenings until Baby decided to make its appearance.  
-So, do you, finally, like this color Elsie? – She looked up and examined Charles’ work.  
-Well… I… - She looked at Charles, who sighed and picked the brush again. – I like it Charles. -He dropped the brush and run to kiss her.  
-Finally. I was starting to hate the closet.  
-Why don’t you go and wash your hands? The nursery is almost finished. The only thing we need is to put all the clothes inside and it will be ready for Baby. We’ve finished for today.  
-Sure. Go to bed, I’ll go in a minute.  
He helped her up and kissed her cheek. She walked, or better said waddle, to the Master bedroom as she heard the water running. She felt Baby kicking as she took her robe off, and smiled.  
-You will be here soon honey, and I can’t wait to meet you.  
She was about to sit on the bed when she felt something warm sliding down her thighs. She frowned her brow and reached down to feel something wet in her hand. She brought her hand to her face.  
-CHARLES!  
She screamed his name when she saw the blood on her hand. She felt tears in her eyes, and her heart pounding hard inside her chest. He came running from the bathroom to find her nightgown soaked in blood and Elsie crying.  
-Charles… please... help me  
-Alright, deep breathes. In and out. In and out. That’s it. I’m going to call Dr. Clarkson and Mrs. Crawley. You stay here, and don’t panic.  
-How can I not panic?! I’m bleeding! Please Charles, don’t let anything harm our baby. Please.  
She cried harder so Charles hugged her and kept her close to his chest, whispering things to her until he felt she had calmed down a bit, then he let her go a bit.  
-I’m going to run downstairs to phone them, okay? Don’t worry. I’ll be right here, by your side all the way. Just lay down and try to keep calm.  
She nodded and carefully laid down on the mattress. Charles kissed her lightly and run downstairs. She felt Baby kicking, and that calmed her down a bit. Charles run to the phone and after dialing Dr. Clarkson’s number he waited.  
-Dr. Clarkson, yes?  
-This is Charles Carson.  
-Oh, how are you Mr. Carson?  
-There’s no time for that. Dr. Clarkson, Elsie is bleeding, and a lot.  
-Bleeding? I’ll be right there. Where is she?  
-In bed, lying down.  
-Okay, don’t move her and wait for me to get there. In ten minutes I’ll be there.  
-I’ll be expecting you. Goodbye.  
Charles hanged up, waited a few seconds and the dialed Mrs. Crawley’s number.  
-The Crawley’s household, Mosley speaking.  
-This is Charles Carson. I need to talk with Mrs. Crawley immediately.  
-If you wait for a minute I will tell her  
-Please, hurry. – He heard footsteps going away, and after a few minutes he heard footsteps coming back.  
-Mr. Carson? – He heard a female voice at the other side of the receiver.  
-Mrs. Crawley, Elsie is bleeding. I’ve already called Dr. Clarkson, but I wanted to call you.  
-I’ll get dressed and I’ll be there in five minutes.  
-Thank you Mrs. Crawley.  
-How is Elsie?  
-Scared. She’s upstairs lying down.  
-Don’t let her panic. Keep her calm. Okay?  
-Of course. Thank you Mrs. Crawley  
He hanged up and run back upstairs. Elsie was lying on her side, with her eyes closed, one hand on her lower belly and the other one right under her bosom. She felt Baby kicking hard, as if he or she was sensing her distress.  
-How are you feeling Elsie? – Charles kneeled in front of her, and placed his hand on her upper arm. - Does it hurt?  
-No. It doesn’t hurt, but Baby is moving a lot.  
-Mrs. Crawley should be here soon, and Dr. Clarkson will be here in five minutes. Just stay calm. Feeling Baby is a good sign.  
-I’m scared. What if something’s wrong? What if my water broke and Baby’s coming?  
-You are not having pains, so Baby is not coming. And I’m sure that everything is alright. Let’s try to get our minds a bit off this. What do you want to talk about?  
-Could you call Downton?  
-Downton? For what?  
-For Beryl, just for her to know.  
-I suppose I could go downstairs and phone her. You just stay calm, and if you feel anything unusual, scream my name.  
Elsie nodded and took a deep breath. Charles run downstairs again and picked up the phone. He didn’t know who would answer the phone at this time of night, but he didn’t care as long as he did what his wife had asked him to do.  
-Downton Abbey, Lady Mary speaking.  
-Lady Mary this is Charles Carson, could you please ask Mrs. Patmore to come to the phone. It’s an emergency.  
-Is something wrong Mr. Carson?  
-Elsie is bleeding. I’ve already called Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson, but she asked me to tell Mrs. Patmore too.  
-Well Mr. Carson, I’m afraid she’s not here. She went to visit her sister early this evening. Didn’t she tell you?  
-Oh Lord, she did, but I forgot. Sorry to have wasted your time My Lady.  
-Waste my time? Carson, Mama and I are going directly to your house. Wait for us.  
-My Lady, there’s no need…  
-We are going, and that’s it. We will see you in a bit Carson.  
-Of course My Lady.  
He heard the line going quiet, but he didn’t have much time to think. He heard the door and quickly run to open it. Mrs. Crawley was standing there with her coat and her hat on her hands.  
-You said she was upstairs?  
-That’s right. Master bedroom, to the right. – She run upstairs, Charles closed the door and followed her.  
-Hello Mrs. Carson. Your husband has told me what the problem is, and if you let me try and find Baby’s heartbeat we will know if it’s something serious or not.  
-Do I have to move?  
-A bit. I need you on your back. Mr. Carson, could you bring towels, water and a sponge? – He left the room. – Okay, I’m going to lift your night gown so I can see your belly, and I will try to hear Baby’s heart. I need you to keep very still and quiet. Can you do that for me?  
Elsie nodded and slowly moved on the bed. With Mrs. Crawley’s help she lifted her nightgown and exposed her big and round belly, which was covered in a bit of blood. Elsie felt new tears in her eyes and tried to stay as calm as she could. Soon Charles came inside with the water and the sponge, and run to the bathroom to retrieve the towels. Mrs. Crawley picked the sponge up and placed it in the water. After a few minutes drained the water from the sponge and placed it on her belly, cleaning it from the blood.  
-Now, keep still and quiet.  
Mrs. Crawley placed her head on her belly and listened. She felt Baby kick her head, and after a few minutes she heard the galloping sound of Baby’s heart.  
-Baby’s fine, so nothing to worry about.  
-Then why am I bleeding so much?  
-I think it has stopped now.  
Charles looked at them both, with his heart on his throat. He heard the door and run downstairs. Dr. Clarkson entered without saying anything, left his hat and his coat and run upstairs.  
-Mrs. Crawley! What’s your diagnosis?  
-Baby’s heartbeat is strong and steady, and he or she is kicking, so I would say that it’s not very serious. You can take a look; I was washing her a bit.  
-Yes, I will take a look.  
Mrs. Crawley left the sponge in the red water and stood up, leaving the end of the bed free for Dr. Clarkson. Charles couldn’t see her wife like this, so he turned around when Dr. Clarkson spread her legs.  
-Mrs. Carson, there’s nothing to worry about. I can see the problem perfectly. – He took a small thing out of her and showed her. – This is what caused the problem. A small sack of blood. It must have formed when you were raped, it sometimes happens, and now maybe Baby was pressuring it and it broke. I suggest you wash, put a clean nightgown on and go to bed. There’s nothing to worry about.  
-God, I was scared to death. I thought something was wrong with Baby.- She placed her hands on her belly and closed her eyes.  
-Nothing’s wrong with Baby, Elsie. He or she is alright. Thank you Dr. Clarkson, thank you Mrs. Crawley.  
-If something new happens phone us.  
Dr. Clarkson closed his bag and helped Elsie sit on the bed. Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson went downstairs and showed themselves out while upstairs Charles helped Elsie out of her nightgown.  
-Did you call Beryl? She must be on her way.  
-No, she’s visiting her sister, and I didn’t remember and phoned. Lady Mary and her Ladyship are on their way.  
-They are coming?! – She went to the bathroom and washed the blood off her body.  
-Yes, but I can talk with them; tell them what has happened so you can sleep.  
-I wouldn’t mind going to be, I’m so tired. This scare made me feel so… so…  
-So what? – He handed her a clean nightgown.  
-I just felt as if I was going to be able to protect Baby. I felt that… that it was my fault. I thought I wasn’t going to be a nice mother. That I wasn’t going to become a mother in the first place, and it was my entire fault.  
-Don’t think that. Baby is okay, and feeling all that means that you love him or her, and that you want to protect him or her. I’ve changed the sheets, go to sleep.  
She laid down and looked at Charles. He hadn’t left her side, and he wouldn’t. Never.  
-I will be downstairs. Don’t worry. Get some sleep; we still have to finish the nursery.  
-I was thinking of painting the closet in orange.  
-No. – Charles stood up and went to the door. – I’m not painting anymore. No. No. No. No.  
-It was a joke. – She had closed her eyes and was starting to drift of. –A joke.  
-I love you Elsie. – He kissed her lightly. – And I love you too Baby. – He kissed her baby bump.  
-I love you too Charles. – It was nothing more than a whisper.  
Charles watched her as she fell asleep with her hands protecting Baby.


	7. Chapter 7

Lady Cora looked at Elsie and smiled back at Lady Mary. For some reason, that Dr. Clarkson, Mrs. Crawley and her Ladyship had called nesting, Elsie had been taking care of every room in Downton, tiding things up, cleaning, and moving things. She was now in the library, cleaning the chimney. She had been having a few days on which she was full of energy, she couldn’t stop doing things, making lists, washing Baby’s things and putting them in the closet over and over again. She was 36 weeks now, and she could have sworn that she looked huge, more than a normal pregnant woman.

-Mrs. Hughes, why don’t you stop doing that and sit for a bit?

-I don’t feel like sitting, every time I sit I feel Baby’s head low in my hips, and it’s not very comfortable. I prefer to stand, that way I can breathe much better too.

-I know, but you’ve been moving all day. Since six you’ve been up. Sit for a bit, rest.

-I don’t feel like resting, I feel like moving My Lady. I just know that I have to move.

She turned back to the chimney but instead of keeping on cleaning it, she placed one hand on her back and the other one on the chimney for support. This one was stronger and longer than the previous pain she had had. It started in her back and spread quickly to her abdomen and legs. She breathed slowly and waited for it to pass.

-Mrs. Hughes, are you alright?

Elsie didn’t answer right away; she waited for the pain to pass before straightening her back and turning.

-Yes, I’m fine.

-If it’s starting you better tell me.

-It’s not starting, I’m just feeling some discomfort, but that’s normal.

-Mrs. Hughes, please, tell me if it’s starting. Not for me, but for Baby’s sakes. 

-It’s not starting My Lady. I’m alright.

Elsie smiled at them and left the library. She wanted a glass of water, so she walked downstairs, carefully not to bump into Charles. She knew that if Charles found out he wouldn’t let her do anything, and she couldn’t stay in her bed waiting until Baby popped out. Before she reached the end of the corridor she bumped into Thomas.

-Mr. Barrow, what are you doing up here?

-I was going to ask you the same question.

-Don’t use that tone with me Mr. Barrow.

-Excuse me Mrs. Green.

-Don’t call me that, and go back downstairs.

-I don’t want to go downstairs.

-Mr. Barrow, I’m starting to get a little angry. Go downstairs at once.

-Are you deaf Mrs. Hughes? I’m not going downstairs, and you should know that I don’t follow your orders anymore. Not since you became Mr. Green’s whore.

-Mr. Barrow! 

She was about to scream at him when they both heard a dull “pop”, as if someone had cracked their knuckles, and looked down. Elsie felt as if a 5 gallon bucket of water had spilled out, and it wouldn’t stop. The floor underneath Elsie showed a big puddle of something that looked like water. Thomas looked at her and run to the library.

-My Lady, I think you should go and help the housekeeper. 

-Where’s Mrs. Hughes?

-In the corridor.

Once he had said that he disappeared. Lady Mary stood up and run outside to find Elsie with both her hands on her back, her eyes closed, pacing up and down the corridor.

-Mrs. Hughes, what’s wrong? – She looked up.

-My water broke.

-Discomfort? We better take you downstairs.

Lady Mary grabbed her by one of her arms as Lady Cora grabbed the other one. Slowly they started walking down the corridor until they reached the stairs. They started going down the stairs as slowly as they could; giving Elsie the time she needed to move.

-Oh my God! This hurts. - She stopped suddenly and squeezed Lady Mary’s and Lady Cora’s hands. The pain had suddenly worsened, and it made her back hurt like hell.

-Breath Mrs. Hughes. Slowly.

-I can’t breathe, this hurts.

-Try. Baby needs air. Breath. In and out. In and out. That’s it.

-Oh my God, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to survive that.

-I’m sure you will. Come on, let’s go. 

-I’m going to kill Charles. – They kept walking.

-Why?

-For putting me in this position. Next time he gives birth.

-I’m sure one day men will be able to give birth, but for now we have that job.

-He’s going to die. – They got downstairs slowly. 

Once there they walked to her Sitting Room and left her resting against her desk. Lady Cora run to the phone and called Ripon.

-Mr. Carson speaking.

-Good. Carson, Baby’s ready, you better get here.

-Baby’s coming?! How is Elsie? 

-Carson, calm down. She’s okay and so is Baby. Tell Lord Grantham and get here soon.

-I will. Thank you My Lady. Tell Elsie I’ll be there soon and that I love her.

-I will Carson. Goodbye.

She hanged up smiling and went back to Mrs. Hughes Sitting Room. Lady Mary had taken her shoes off, and had her walking around the room.

-I’ve called Carson and he’s on his way, and he says he loves you.

-That old sentimental fool… but his Lordship is in Ripon. I’m sorry My   
Lady, now they will have to come back

-Nothing to be sorry about. We should get you to your cottage.

-I’m not walking that much My Lady.

-That’s why we have a car. Can you walk a bit more? Just to get to the car.

-Yes. But I’m not going back upstairs. You bring the car here.

Lady Mary smiled at her and quickly run upstairs. Lady Cora took Mary’s place and kept walking around the room with her.

-How are you feeling?

-I’m fine so far. The pain is bad, but I’ve felt worse pains, mostly back in Scotland, when I worked in my father’s farm.

-What sort of pain?

-Well, when a cow is giving birth is not very nice to get kicked by her when you are trying to help.

-That must have been nasty.

-Yes, but I’m starting to feel as if this is going to be much worse.

She felt the pain building, so she stopped walking and held on to Lady Cora’s hands tightly. The pain made her open her eyes widely as she felt Baby’s head go lower in her hips.

-God, I don’t know if this is normal, but I feel like pushing.

-What? So soon?

-Call Mrs. Crawley, call anyone and tell them! – She was trying to breathe through the pain and was trying not to push.

-Mama, the car is waiting.

-Mary, take her to the car, and don’t let her push. Don’t let her. I’m going to call Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson to tell them where we are going and what’s going on.

-She wants to push?! So soon?!

-Mary, do as you are told and don’t ask questions! There’s no time!

Mary took Elsie by her arms and helped her out of her Sitting Room. Elsie was focusing on not pushing; she didn’t even notice she wasn’t wearing any shoes. The maids and the footmen looked at them both with worried faces, even Anna didn’t know what to do or say. Lady Mary opened the door and found the car right there, with Lady Edith on the wheel.

-How exciting. A Baby.

-Edith, shut up. Come on Mrs. Hughes, up.

She opened the door and helped her get inside, then followed her. Elsie didn’t feel like sitting, for some reason she felt Baby’s head on her back too, and she couldn’t sit without feeling the worst pain. She rested her head on Lady Mary’s shoulder, and she didn’t hesitate, she took Elsie’s hair down. Carefully she turned her around and made her a braid, then helped her turn back. Lady Cora closed the door and run to the car.

-Let’s go. Both are on their way. I’ve told them you want to push, and they say that you can’t, that your body can’t be ready, but they will see when they arrive.

-Do they have any tips for back pain?

-They might. You will have to wait until they get here.

Edith had driven them as fast as she could to the Carson’s Cottage and had parked right in front of the fence. Quickly the three of them took her and carried her inside her house, taking her to the Master bedroom. Elsie felt calmer now that she was in her house. They quickly took her clothes off and her knickers and helped her put a nightgown on.

-Well, now we just have to wait.

-You wait, I want to push! – The contraction lasted longer and it was the worst so far. It was so painful. -Baby’s in my back. My hips hurt so badly… Oh God, move it. Move Baby.

Elsie had turned white, and she was trying to breathe calmly. The shape of Baby’s head could be seen in her back, but also way down in her hips. She felt as if someone had stabbed her right on her back, but at the same time she felt as if someone was squeezing her hips so tightly she couldn’t move without feeling the worst pain.

-Let’s try and walk a bit around the room.

She nodded and started walking. Elsie managed to move her legs, but she had tears in her eyes. Without any warning that pain she had been feeling all day worsened and turned almost constant in her back and hips. She could feel Baby’s head moving, but she could feel a head way down in her hips moving too. She thought it might be her imagining things because of the pain. It was the worst pain in the world.

-How are you holding up Mrs. Hughes?

-If I talk I might scream.

-Pain’s bad then. It’s wasn’t bad for me when I had George.

-Well you weren’t a hundred years old! – Elsie screamed those words as she felt another pain coming. 

It was worse than the previous one, and it made her cry as she felt Baby’s head going down and the other thing that was in her hips getting even lower. 

-Something’s happening. I don’t know what it is, but something’s coming down.

-Okay, relax. Don’t push. Dr. Clarkson will be here soon.

-I’m going to kill Charles!

-Breathe Elsie! Please!

Slowly the pain subsided, and Elsie was able to breathe a little better, but the urge to push was becoming a bit uncomfortable. She panted slightly and closed her eyes. Her brain was starting to work a little less, and she felt as if she wasn’t able to form a coherent sentence. All her strength was going to not pushing.

-Dr. Clarkson! Thank God, you are here.

Elsie looked up to find Dr. Clarkson and Mrs. Crawley at the door. She hadn’t heard the door, but she supposed that fighting the urge to push had taken all her attention, and she hadn’t seen Lady Cora leaving the room.

-I can see that things have started.

-Dr. Clarkson, she wants to push.

-Help her lay down.

Lady Mary walked to the bed with Elsie following her. Lying down was the worst thing she had ever done in her life, Baby’s head was in her back, and lying down made it press on her spine. It brought tears to her eyes and made it hard to breathe.

-Mrs. Hughes, breathe normally, and spread your legs a bit. -She did as told and felt Dr. Clarkson’s hands on her body. – Well, you can’t push. You still have to dilate a bit more. I would say three centimeters more.

-Can I stand up?

-Does your back hurt?

-Baby’s head is in my back.

-No, Mrs. Hughes. Baby’s head is low in your hips, making you want to push.

-Can’t be.

-Put yourself in all fours. Let me see your back.

Carefully both Lady Mary and Mrs. Crawley helped her sit on her knees, and then helped her rest on her arms. Dr. Clarkson placed his hands on her back and applied a bit of pressure. The shape of Baby’s head could be seen and could be felt.

-Looks like we have to babies. Baby one is way low in your hips, and baby two is in your back. We must wait; we can’t do anything but wait until you are ready.

-What?! – Elsie was finding it a bit difficult to assimilate what he had just told her.

-Why don’t you walk a bit around the room? It might help.

-I… I’m tired. I don’t want to walk.

-If you are tired, then ley down.

-No. I’m not lying down. 

-Then stay in all fours, if you feel okay that way then don’t move.

-My back doesn’t hurt that much like this. Could someone give me a back rub?

-Mrs. Crawley will you do it? I’m going to prepare this room for the birth, but something tells me we are still in for a few more hours.

-Where the hell is Charles?! – Elsie was breathing heavily as she felt a new pain coming.

-Probably he’s about to get here. It’s been an hour since we called.

-How long has it been since my water broke?

-Two to three hours.

-That long?!

-You’ve been busy. – Mrs. Crawley had jumped on the bed and was rubbing her back downwards, never upwards.

Elsie closed her eyes and rocked her hips lightly. She felt calm, with everyone here, helping her. She began to nod off. 

-Is she falling asleep? – Dr. Clarkson whispered as he rolled his sleeves up.

-I think so. We better don’t wake her, she needs the sleep.

-You bet she needs it; she’s been up since six.

-Probably the pains will wake her up, but she will nod off between contractions.

Elsie felt Baby’s head moving, and her or him kicking, but she was tired and she wanted to sleep. She didn’t stop rocking her hips; it helped her to cope with the pain in her hips. The urge to push was less now, and she liked that. 

-Mary, could you go downstairs and open the door? – Lady Cora had a wet cloth in her hand, and was placing it on Elsie’s neck and upper back.

-Of course. 

-Tell Carson to keep quiet, she finally fell asleep.

-Fluffy pillows.

She smiled and walked quietly downstairs. She opened the door and waited. They should be in Downton by now, and it made her wonder if Elsie was thinking the same as she was. That she was giving birth to Mr. Green’s babies. She didn’t want to think that, she wanted to really believe that they were Mr. Carson’s, but she couldn’t. Someone running made her forget about all that and look up. Charles had his hat in his hand, and was running to the door.

-Lady Mary, where is she?

-Carson, keep your voice down, she’s upstairs sleeping.

-Sleeping?

-Yes. She was in pain, now she’s in all fours in your bed with pillows everywhere. She’s feeling comfortable and she needs to sleep. 

We run upstairs, followed by Lady Mary, who had closed the door before that. Elsie was in the middle of a contraction, with her eyes closed, trying to breathe through it. Lady Cora had one of her hands in hers, and it was being squeezed; Mrs. Crawley was encouraging her, telling her that it would be over soon.

-Carson, how wonderful.

-How is she My Lady?

-Well, in pain, but okay. She’s coping. 

-How long has it been?

-Four hours now. But I believe she started having contractions at six, that’s why she got up.

-Yes. I started having pains at six, but I thought it would pass.

Elsie opened her eyes and focused on Charles. He had taken his jacket off and had kneeled I front of her.

-Why didn’t you tell me?

-I don’t know! – She felt the pain coming, and going pretty high. 

Then Mrs. Crawley and her felt more water coming out of her.

-Dr. Clarkson, I think she’s ready.

-Do you want to move Mrs. Hughes?

She nodded. They helped her off the bed, and moved four chairs. Lady Mary and Lady Cora sat in two of them, and helped Elsie sit on their thighs. Dr. Clarkson moved the other two chairs to face them, and sat on them, placing Elsie’s legs on each side of his body.

-Well, I can see a bit of Baby’s head, I think that with three or four pushes he or she will crown. So give me a good push when the contraction comes.

She closed her eyes, took a couple of deep breathes and waited. The pain came, building and soon reached its height. Elsie squeezed Lady Mary’s and Lady Cora’s hands, using them both as support as she pushed. She felt Baby’s head coming out.

-Good. I saw the top of Baby’s head. Give me another one. 

-Charles you are dead!!- She screamed that as she pushed and the top of Baby’s head came out.

-Very good, now pant. Don’t push. Your body needs to get used to this before we continue.

Elsie rested her head on Lady Cora’s shoulder, panting and fighting the urge to push. Pushing was good, she felt okay when she pushed. She wanted to do it again. The pain eased when she was pushing.

-Mrs. Hughes, back to work. Give me a good push. I think that two more should do it. Baby’s crowning.

She nodded, took a very deep breath and pushed, turning hands white and her face turning red. Baby’s head came out a little bit more. When the contraction ended she rested her head against Lady Mary’s shoulder.

-Mrs. Crawley, are the towels ready?

Dr. Clarkson didn’t tell her not push, so she pushed with the next contraction. She felt as if a big melon had left her body, and she smiled and breathed in relief. Dr. Clarkson had his hands on Baby’s head, supporting it. He cleaned its nose and mouth and cleaning it a bit with a towel. Baby started crying, a pitch sharp cry. Elsie listened to the marvelous sound, and forgot about the pain.

-Mrs. Hughes, give me a few more good pushes to get Baby out.

She nodded, smiling, and pushed. Baby’s shoulders came out fairly quickly, and soon Baby was lying in a warm towel.

-Mr. and Mrs. Carson, congratulations, you have a healthy baby daughter.

-A girl.

Elsie laughed and cried as Mr. Carson lifted her for Elsie to see. She thought it was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. Dr. Clarkson placed her on Elsie’s chest and covered her with a towel. Charles walked to her and looked at his daughter. She had stopped crying, and with her big blue eyes she was looking at her father. 

-We have a daughter Elsie. She’s beautiful. – He kissed her lightly on the lips.

-Would you like to cut the cord daddy?

Charles looked at Dr. Clarkson and nodded. He cut it sharply and quickly and all of a sudden Jane Elizabeth Carson was free from her mother’s body. 

-Elsie, give our daughter to Mrs. Crawley so she can wash her, and we can welcome her brother or sister.

-I’m sore. 

-Don’t worry. Baby two won’t take long. Normally in four or five pushes the twin brother or sister comes out.

Elsie rested for long twenty minutes before the pains began again, but this time she didn’t feel a horrible sharp pain. This one was less aggressive; it was more like a pressure, as if Elsie needed to go to the loo pretty badly. 

-Baby’s head is here. We can start pushing.

It was easier this time; with two pushes Baby’s head was out, and with another one it was out, crying on Dr. Clarkson’s hands.

-Congratulations, you have a healthy son.

Elsie rested against Lady Cora’s body, crying of relief and smiling. Mr. Crawley came with Jane in her arms and handed her to Elsie as Dr. Clarkson wrapped the little guy on a towel and handed him to her. Both babies rested on her chest, quiet, looking around. Richard had Elsie’s hair, as well as Jane. They looked so much like her. Dr. Clarkson took the placenta out without any problem and after checking that it was complete he looked up at them.

-Why don’t you wash and while you are doing that Mrs. Crawley can show you husband how to wash and dress your little ones. 

A bit reluctantly she let Charles and Mrs. Crawley take the babies, and with Dr. Clarkson’s help they helped her get to the bathroom and shower. Once she was dry and dressed they helped her back to the bed. She rested on a couple of pillows and waited for Charles to hand her the little ones.

-Here we go. Little Richard and little Jane. Clean and dressed.

Elsie was tired, but she couldn’t take her eyes from them. They were both so beautiful with their blue eyes, freckles, auburn hair, little round noses and rosy cheeks. They were perfect copies of her, and she thanked God for that.

-Look at them Charles.

-Perfect examples of the Scottish blood.

-You should try to breastfeed them. Let Jane nurse from one and Richard from the other one. 

Elsie opened the front of her nightgown and took Jane. She placed her lips near her nipple and waited. Soon enough she latched and started sucking happily. The same went for Richard, but it took him a bit longer to latch. Once that was done Charles went for the crib and placed next to their bed.

-I think we are done here. We will go back to Downton now; we will come and visit once you have rested.

-We are leaving too. There’s nothing else here for us to do.

-Thank you. Thank you so much. I you hadn’t been there with me I don’t know if I would have done this.

-I’m very glad we were able to help; now we will go.

Lady Mary and Lady Cora smiled at them and left the room, and Dr. Clarkson and Mrs. Crawley followed them after a few minutes of tidying up. Silence fell over them, but they didn’t mind, they just watched their little beans.

-I’m sorry I wasn’t here.

-You were Charles. You saw them come into the world. You were here when I needed you, and I love you for that.

-I love much more. You’ve endured all this pain to bring these two little beans into the world.

-And thanks to God they look like me.

-Forget about him. He was hanged this morning, so he’s gone.

-He was hanged?

-Yes. I didn’t want to tell you, but know everything’s over. He’s dead and gone.

-Good. Could you make them burp? I’m so tired.

-Get some sleep honey; I will take care of them. We will.


	8. Chapter 8

-Charles, I’ve told you a hundred times. It’s normal for babies to lose weight in the first week of being out of the womb. Don’t worry. They are eating regularly and perfectly, so don’t worry. Besides, they are almost back at their birth weight.  
-I keep thinking that they are not big enough.  
-That’s because you are a big man, and you tend to think that everyone is smaller than you. And we are, but babies are always small. Hand me the clean nappy.  
Jane laid in bed, moving her arms and looking around, making little noises. Richard on the other hand slept peacefully in his crib. Elsie’s belly wasn’t as big as before, it was going back to its normal shape. After almost a week she was able to walk around the house, but not much more.  
-How many times do babies poop?  
-Normally five or more a day.  
-Do you count them?  
-I keep track of everything. Since the first time they ate, pooped, cried, slept… I keep track of every single thing, in case something changes.  
-They don’t cry much.  
-No, they sleep most of the time, and enjoy it while you can. Who knows when they will start crying for hours and hours.  
-I hope they don’t.   
-Well at least you can sleep all night long. I have to wake up every few hours to feed them. I’m the one who’s suffering all this, and you don’t stop complaining. Hand me the body suite, I don’t want her to get cold.   
Carefully she dressed Jane and swaddled her. For some reason Richard and Jane loved to sleep in small places like her arms or Charles’, and they loved to sleep wrapped in a swaddle. She laid down against the pillows in the bed and cradled Jane in her arms. She was tired, and wanted to sleep a bit.  
-Elsie, why don’t you take a nap? I can keep an eye on Jane; I don’t want to move her from your arms until she’s asleep.  
-No need for you to say it twice.   
Charles placed a blanket over Elsie’s legs as she closed her eyes. Jane was also falling asleep. The three of them were sleeping, so Charles closed the door quietly and went downstairs. Lady Mary, Lady Edith, Lady Cora and Lord Grantham were sitting in the living room.  
-Something wrong Mr. Carson?  
-Elsie is just tired, she wanted to sleep.   
-Do the little ones cry a lot and keep you awake at night?  
-No, but Elsie has to wake up every few hours to feed the little beans. She’s coping and still getting used to this. We both are.  
-If you find it difficult and you need help, tell us. We wouldn’t mind coming and giving you a hand.  
-Charles.  
Elsie was standing in front of the door, with baby Jane in her arms, sleeping. She was in her nightgown and her hair was down, in a low ponytail.  
-What are you doing up?  
-Something’s wrong.  
-What do you mean something’s wrong?  
He walked over to her and looked at Jane. She looked fine.  
-Something’s wrong with Richard.  
-What?  
-He’s… -tears were running down her cheeks. – He’s not breathing.  
-What?!  
Charles run upstairs and took Richard out of the crib. Elsie couldn’t move and she felt a bit light headed. Lady Mary stood up and took Jane in her arms, without waking her, and Lady Cora and Lady Edith took hold of Elsie and helped her sit on a chair. Elsie was crying so much she was finding it hard to breath.  
-Mrs. Hughes, breathe. Come on. Robert call Dr. Clarkson. Now.  
After a few minutes Charles came downstairs with Richard in his arms wearing just his nappy.  
-He’s alright now Elsie. He’s breathing again. - Elsie was crying as she took her son in her arms and held him tight against her chest. – I think we better call the doctor.  
-Lord… Lord Grantham has… has already called him.  
-He’s fine now Elsie, come on. Stop crying love.  
He kneeled in front of her and breathed with her until she stopped crying and then dried her tears with a handkerchief. Elsie looked down at her son to find him looking up at her, moving his arms and legs, kicking her stomach and her breasts.  
-It’s probably nothing. – Lady Mary handed Jane to Charles. She didn’t even flinch, she kept on sleeping.  
-That’s easy for you to say. Your son didn’t stop breathing suddenly.  
-Elsie, calm down. Richard is alright, kicking and breathing.  
-But what if it happens again and he dies in my arms.  
-Elsie, he won’t. Clam down.  
-I’m such a horrible mother. – Elsie had tears in her eyes again. – I try to pay attention to them all the time and I close my eyes for a few minutes and my son stops breathing. What if I’m doing everything wrong? What if slowly I’m killing my children because I don’t know what to do and I don’t know that I’m doing everything wrong?  
-Elsie stop that. You are a wonderful mother, and your children, our children will grow up healthy and strong.  
-Do you really mean it? – She looked down at Richard ho was falling asleep again.  
-I know it. Now calm down, relax, and rest. If Lady Mary takes Jane I will bring the crib downstairs as well as a few pillows.   
Mary took the baby from his arms and sat next to Elsie as he run upstairs. Elsie couldn’t take her eyes from Richard, something telling her that if she looked away he would stop breathing again. Suddenly Dr. Clarkson entered the living room just as Charles came downstairs with the crib and the pillows.  
-Good evening. Lord Grantham told me what happened. May examine the little one?  
Elsie looked at him and nodded. Dr. Clarkson took him and placed him on the couch. After examining him and listening to his breathing he gave him back to Elsie.  
-Both your babies are premature. That means they were born before 37 weeks. That makes them more vulnerable to infections, illnesses, breathing problems and even heart problems. But don’t get scared, Jane is as healthy as full term baby; the problem with Richard is called sleep apnea. That means that when he’s sleep his brain fails to signal the muscles to breath, and he stops breathing for 15 to 20 seconds or more. It’s even possible that he could turn blue. It will pass, don’t worry, you will have to pay a little more attention to him, and if he stops breathing just encourage him to breathe again. Shake him lightly, massage his tummy and he will breathe again.   
-So is nothing serious?  
-Is not serious Mrs. Hughes because you called. If you hadn’t called, if you hadn’t seen him, it would have been very serious, even fatal. Now, don’t worry, just rest.  
-Didn’t I tell you Elsie?  
Charles left the crib on the floor in front of her and took the pillows out of it and placed them behind her back. He had brought the baby blanket to cover Richard with.  
-Thank you Dr. Clarkson. If something happens we will call.  
-No need to thank me, it’s my job. –He smiled at them and left.  
-The little beans are okay, so there’s no need for you to stay awake. You are really tired, sleep.  
-I don’t… what if…  
-I’m here. I’m here. You sleep.  
Elsie nodded and rested her head on the pillows, closing her eyes. Charles turned around, placed Jane on the crib and showed Lord Grantham, Lady Cora and their daughters out of the house, closing the door quietly. He walked back to the living room and sat next to Elsie, looking down at Richard, who was breathing peacefully.


	9. Chapter 9

-Charles, did you take all the nappies?  
-No, I just took half the box.  
They were about to get inside the train because everyone in the Downton household was going for a few days trip to the sea side, including the staff. They had thought about it after the birth of the twins, and after arguing at home both Elsie and Charles had agreed. Charles had Jane in his arms, and Mrs. Patmore had little Richard.  
-You should have taken the whole box! – Suddenly Elsie burst into tears.  
-Why are you crying now? I can go back and bring the bloody box if that will make you stop crying.  
-Just do whatever you want. I don’t feel like talking to you.  
She took Richard in her arms and got inside the train, walking to her compartment.  
-What has come over her lately?  
-I don’t know. She cries over nothing, yells at me. She’s been so protective over Richard, and pays almost no attention to Jane. I hope that whatever has come over her ends soon, because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to survive.  
-Have you talked to Dr. Clarkson?  
-No. I’m starting to believe I should have.  
Mrs. Patmore got inside and Charles followed her. They wanted their Elsie back, mostly Charles, but they didn’t know what to do with her. The door to Elsie’s compartment was closed. He knocked, but she didn’t open the door.  
-Elsie, open the door. Jane needs you.  
-I’m sure you can find a better person.  
-What are you saying now? Come on Elsie, stop doing this and open the door.  
-Leave me alone Charles!  
-What the hell is wrong with you Elsie? Open the bloody door!  
-Get away from me! Let me be! Find someone better… I’m sure you can. - He heard her crying again, and heard Richard fussing in her arms. – Go away Charles.  
-Elsie, please, tell me what’s wrong.  
-This shouldn’t have happened.  
-What shouldn’t Elsie?  
-Everything. This is all wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  
-Elsie, what are you talking about? Open the door and let me talk with you.  
He heard her crying, and moving around the compartment, and suddenly she opened the door, but she was kneeling. Lady Mary and Lady Cora were at the end of the corridor, looking at them with confusing faces. Elsie left Richard on the floor carefully, kissed his forehead and closed the door again.  
-Elsie what are you doing?! – He quickly lifted Richard from the floor.  
-Take him. Take him away.  
-Elsie, I don’t understand…  
-Find them a good mother. A woman who can love them and who wants them. Who can give them much more than me.  
-Elsie! What the bloody hell are you saying?!  
-Carson- Lady Mary walked to him and took Jane in her arms- she’s suffering from postpartum depression. Come with us, and let her rest for a bit. Once we get to the beach you can talk with her, pressure her to tell you what’s wrong.  
-This is supposed to be a happy trip. I can’t leave her crying.  
-Do it Carson. Once we are there, you can take her, but here she’s going to scream at you and get worse.  
-When will she get better?  
-When she realizes she’s a good mother. You will have to show her, but not right now.  
-So I just leave her here?  
-I’m afraid so. It’s the best for her right now. Probably she will fall asleep, postpartum depression’s don’t let the mother sleep at night but they can’t stay awake during the day.  
-I just don’t want to leave her. I can’t see her crying; I can’t stand it.  
-You will have to endure it. It will be for just an hour or so. Don’t worry.  
Charles looked back at the closed door, listening to her crying. A bit reluctantly he walked away from the door and followed Lady Mary.  
* * *  
-My Lady, maybe I’m imposing a bit, but could you keep Jane and Richard for a while? I think Elsie and I will be talking for a bit.  
-Not at all. We would like our housekeeper back to her old self, and I’m sure you want your wife back also. Better go, we are about to get there.  
-Thank you My Lady.  
Charles looked at Jane who was in Lady Cora’s arms and Richard, who was looking up at Lady Mary. He closed the door of the compartment and walked all the way to the other side of the train. Once he reached Elsie’s compartment he knocked lightly. To his surprise Elsie opened the door.  
-Elsie, may I come in?  
-Of course. Where are they?  
-With Lady Mary. They are okay, don’t worry.  
-Why would I worry? There’s nothing for me to worry about. – She was sitting next to the window, looking down at her lap.  
-There is. I saw you carrying them for almost nine months. I saw you marvelling at how your body changed, worrying whether a tight dress would harm the baby, whether if you should wear a skirt or a dress, worrying that if by wearing a skirt Baby wouldn’t have enough room. I saw you scared, not knowing what was going to happen when we had the scare. I remember the first time they kicked; you came to my pantry with a beautiful smile. You endured more than ten hours of labor to bring them to the world. You have every right to care for them.  
-This shouldn’t have happened.  
-Yes, it shouldn’t, but it did, and now we have two little beans that we love, that we have to protect and raise.  
-I don’t feel as if I can do that  
-I know you can. You are the only person in this world that could be their mother. No one else could be as good as you. No one.  
-But I can’t give them everything they want. I have barely enough money for my sister, how can I raise two kids?  
-You are not alone in this. I’m here; whatever they want I can give them. You focus on sending the money to your sister, I can take care of our children.  
-But…  
-No buts Elsie. – He stood up and kneeled in front of her. - Love, we can do this. Right now they only need love from us, and I know we can give them that. You are the best mother in this world, and nothing or no one can tell you otherwise. Okay?  
-You are so good to me.  
-That’s why I married you. Now, we are going to pick up our children and enjoy a beautiful day by the sea. Okay?  
-Okay. I’m feeling better now.  
-And with time you will feel great soon. We all want our Elsie back.  
She smiled and kissed his cheek, taking his hands. He stood up, slowly, and helped Elsie rise too, not letting her hands go, and taking her to the Family’s compartment. He gently knocked on the door.  
-Come in. – he opened it and took Elsie inside. – Mrs. Hughes! How nice to see that Mr. Carson as able to talk with you.  
-Thank you Lady Mary. Charles really knows, sometimes, how to speak.  
-Sometimes? I thought I was much better.  
-You can always improve Charles, you know that  
Elsie laughed slightly and took Jane in her arms. The little girl looked up at her and soon she started mumbling noises and moving her arms, smiling.  
-She looks happy to be back in your arms.  
-Well, I’m happy to have her back, and I would very much like to show them the sea and the sand. Should we go?  
-Yes we should. We will spend tonight in a very expensive hotel. You won’t have to work.  
-That sounds great.  
Charles took Richard and after Elsie got out he followed her to the exit, helping her get down. Once everyone was ready (there had been some problems with Mrs. Patmore and a door) they started walking to the beach. It was a sunny day and not hot at all. The weather was absolutely perfect for a day on the beach.  
-Well, we are here, and as your employer, I tell you… go and have a great time. Do whatever you want.  
They didn't need his Lordship to say it twice, as soon as he finished talking they left, running to thw town, other to the beach, taking shoes and hats off. Charles was carrying Elsie's basket, and once they found a nice spot he placed the blanket on the sand and placed Richard there to take his clothes off except for his body suit, and took this moment to take his shoes off and roll his trousers up. Elsie had done the same with Jane, and she was now taking her shoes and stocking off.  
-Why don’t you take you jacket off too? That way you will be more comfortable?  
-If you pin my skirt.  
-If I what?  
-If you pin my skirt up so it won’t get wet.  
-Do you have anything I could pin it up with?  
-In the basket.  
While he was working with her skirt, leaving it at a knee length, she took her jacket off and placed it with the kids’ clothes.  
-Now, little beans, you will see the sea for the first time in your lives.  
Charles picked Richard up and placed him in his chest, with his back against it and with one hand under his bum and the other one in his chest. Elsie took Jane in one arm and pointed at the blue ocean. Slowly they walked together, side by side to the shore, looking at their excited children.  
-Charles, let him touch the water with his feet. - Charles took Richard by the shoulders and lowered him to the shore, waiting for the water.  
Richard screamed excitedly and clapped his hands. He tried to touch it with his hands, but Charles didn’t let him. Elsie kneeled and let Jane crawl over to the water, trying to catch it with her hands every time a wave came. Soon Charles was kneeling too next to Elsie, catching them whenever they decided to follow the wave and get inside the water. When they grew bored they started playing with the sand.  
* * *  
-I think they are enjoying it. - Mrs. Patmore was standing next to Daisy, who was having an ice cream.  
-They do look happy.  
-Why don’t we go and ask them if we can have the little ones for a bit, that way they can enjoy each other’s company for a while.  
Mrs. Patmore took the lead and walked over to where they were. She tapped Elsie in the shoulder.  
-Beryl! Are you enjoying this day?  
-Yes, but we thought that maybe we could take the little ones for a bit.  
-Yes, of course. Just be careful  
Beryl took Jane in her arms and Daisy exchanged her ice cream for Richard. Soon they were alone, enjoying the cold water.  
-Elsie, I was wondering if I could ask you something?  
-You just did.  
-Come on Elsie  
-Of course you can.  
Charles kneeled in front of her, and took a blue velvet box out of his pocket. Elsie looked at him with her mouth hanging open. Anna and Bates looked at them from the ice cream stand; Mrs. Patmore and Daisy looked at each other and then at the little ones; Lady Mary called for her parents and Lady Edith and pointed at the couple.  
-I know Elsie that I proposed to you long ago, but it wasn’t the proposal I wanted. I wanted you to be happy in a beautiful place, enjoying yourself, and now you are, so I think it’s the best time to ask you properly. Elsie May Carson, my Elsie, will you accept me as you husband, again?  
-You old booby. Of course I will. It took you long to propose properly.  
She kissed him passionately and took the box. Once they separated she opened it to find a small golden locket. She opened it and found a picture of her babies. She looked up and kissed him again, not wanting to let go. Never.  
-I love you.  
-Good, because I plan on proposing every year, so you know that our love will always be as strong as it was in the beginning.  
-You make me feel as if I’m 20 again.  
-That’s the idea.  
Suddenly a stronger wave knocked Charles and he fell into the water, followed by Elsie, who screamed when she found herself cover in cold water. Thanks to God the locket was closed and the pictures were alright. Charles sat, dripping wet, and found Elsie’s hat floating next to him and her laughing. The most beautiful sound in the world.  
-I dare you to get into the water with me.  
-Elsie, we don’t have swimsuits!  
-We have clothes, and well, who cares. Let’s be young and reckless.  
She run to the blanket and left her hat and locket there, then she had a rush of recklessness and took her skirt and blouse off, leaving her petticoat and corset on. She then let her hair down and run back to the water.  
-Elsie! Go and put something on!  
-No. I feel great, I feel young, and I don’t want to think about protocols, rules or any of that. I just want to swim with my husband. Come on, we are already wet.  
Seeing her like that, with her porcelain skin shinning, her auburn curls wet running down her back and her clothes leaving very little to the imagination, he gave in. He took his shirt and hat off and threw them to the sand; he then took his trousers off, and stood there in his underwear. He felt as if they were twenty again, in a fairytale, just the two of them. He took her hand and followed her into the water. She dived and when she came out she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.  
-This is how I can get better. Being young with you.  
The staff and the family stood there, amazed. This was the first time the butler and the housekeeper had done something as improper as this, but they looked so happy, enjoying the water.  
-That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Mrs. Carson in her underwear.  
-Did you see Mr. Carson’s legs?  
-I’m so used to the proper butler and housekeeper that it will be hard to forget this.  
-Wait until they get out of the water. That you won’t forget. - Mrs. Patmore looked at Daisy, who somehow had another ice cream in her hand.


	10. Chapter 10

Elsie run downstairs. Lady Edith was getting married, finally, and they hoped it was the right one this time. Everything was on point, the flowers, the church, Lady Edith… Years and years of waiting, and now the day had come. What the Carsons didn’t know was that the family and the servants had something in mind for them, after all they had had a very complicated and tiring year after the incident, and another year with its ups and downs after they little beans had been born. Elsie run to her Sitting Room and picked up Jane’s hat, she had a very sensitive skin, and even though it was December she didn’t want her to turn pink or red. Quickly she made it to the church in time, a few minutes before the actual wedding started. Elsie walked to the bench and sat next to Charles, placing Jane on her thighs and taking the hat to put it on her curly auburn hair.  
Suddenly the music started, and there she was, Lady Edith with Lord Grantham by her side, looking beautiful as ever. She walked down the aisle, gracefully, smiling, and once she reached the end Lord Grantham gave her away. They had been standing, but once Lady Edith’s hand left her father’s arm everyone in the church sat down. It was cold, but they air that floated around the stone walls was more than enough to keep everyone happy and warm. The wedding went on without incidents, and once the part that scared Lady Edith the most, the part where they asked the guests if there was something they would like to say, passed, Elsie felt someone tapping her in her shoulder.   
She turned her head to see Mrs. Patmore and Ms. Baxter standing in the other bench, behind her.   
-What do you want Beryl? The wedding is about to finish.  
-You have to come with us, and Mr. Carson too.  
-We can’t, unless you haven’t noticed the wedding hasn’t finished.  
-And it won’t if you don’t come with us. Anna and Bates will take care of Jane and Richard, come on.  
A bit hesitantly they left the church, and once they were outside they saw Mr. Branson with the car, waiting for them as well as Mr. Barrow.  
-What are you two doing outside?   
-Taking care of the bride and groom.  
-They are inside the church.  
-Not yet. Would you be so kind as to get inside the car?   
-Can someone explain me what is going on?  
-It’s a secret, and don’t worry, it was Lady Cora’s idea.  
Elsie looked at Mrs. Patmore frowning, but got inside the car, followed by Charles. Ms. Baxter and Beryl accompanied them in the back; Mr. Branson sat behind the wheel and Mr. Barrow next to him. They drove back to Downton.  
-Now, Mr. Carson, you go upstairs with Mr. Branson and Mr. Barrow and we take care of Mrs. Hughes.  
-Can someone explain me what are you doing? – Elsie looked at the group with her hands on her hips.  
-Elsie, we don’t have time. Come on, we have to go to her Ladyship’s room.  
-Beryl! - She took hold of her wrist and started walking with Ms. Baxter smiling shyly behind them.   
-Stop complaining and just follow me! I’m trying to give you the best day of your life, just shut up and stick with it!  
Elsie opened her mouth but changed her mind and closed it, letting Mrs. Patmore take her to the room. She opened the door and showed Elsie inside whom, taking her hat off, walked inside followed by Ms. Baxter. Her mouth stood agape. In the bed laid a white dress, a wedding dress.  
-Mr. Barrow wasn’t kidding when he said that we were taking are of the bride and the groom, Elsie.  
-I.. I couldn’t… This is Lady Edith’s day.  
-Elsie, Lady Edith helped us with the dress. She wants this for you.  
-But I’m already married.  
-Not properly. We planned a wedding for the four of you, and we know you are going to enjoy it. You are not going to be servants today.  
-I don’t know what to say.  
-We don’t need you to say anything, just get undress.  
She took her green coat off while Ms. Baxter took her hair down, she had already taken her coat off as well as her hat, and Beryl was opening boxes. Elsie’s long curls rested against her back as she took her blouse and her skirt off, blushing a bit.   
-Mrs. Hughes, I need you to take everything off.  
-Everything? Underwear too?  
-Yes. I’m sorry. Mrs. Patmore can give you the box with your underwear and you can put it on in the bathroom if you prefer it.  
-I like that idea.  
Elsie took the box from Mrs. Patmore’s hands and got inside the bathroom, closing the door. She took everything off, and took the white knickers out of the box, then she took the white chemise and then looked at the corset. It was a white mild sweetheart bust line corset with a satin waist tape. She opened it and once she was sure her bosom was more or less in place she closed it. It was too tight. She got out looked at Baxter and pointed at the corset.  
-We knew it would be too tight, but I’ll adjust it in a minute. Tell me when it’s fine.  
-Don’t worry I will.  
-Lady Cora told us to give you this as the borrowed thing.  
While Baxter was taking care of the corset Beryl showed her a white lace garter with a white rose. She took her white stockings and put helped her put them on before giving her the garter. Baxter had finished with her corset and was now brushing her hair. Elsie looked at the garter and after a few minutes she put it on her right leg.  
-That garter is for you to keep. The one you have to throw is this one.  
Elsie took a much simpler white garter, which she put on her other leg. Baxter had sat her down in front of the mirror and was pining her curls up in a much sifter way, and braiding some of them, making it look loser. Mrs. Patmore was applying some blush on Elsie’s cheeks, a light eyeshadow and cream mascara.  
-Mr. Carson is going to faint the minute he sees you. You have the hair pin?  
-Hair pin? Beryl, you didn’t…  
-Your mother would want you to wear it on your wedding day.  
Beryl gave her the hair pin, a beautiful old hair pin with pearls, crystals and sapphire, some of them mixed to form a flower. Baxter took it and placed it in her hair. She looked beautiful.  
-Let’s go for the dress, I’m sure you will love it.  
The dress was tight on her chest, it had wide sleeves that went from her waist, in lace, actually the dress itself had no sleeves, what it had covered her shoulders and left part of her back to the air, the smooth white long skirt had two layers above the long one, and they were at knee length. Beryl helped her put her white shoes.  
-Mirror now.  
Elsie walked to it and stood in front of it, looking at her reflection with her eyes wide open.  
-Now the veil and you’re done.  
-The bouquet Mrs. Patmore, don’t forget about that.  
-Anna has it, don’t worry. Give me the veil.  
And with that Elsie was done. It was a translucent fabric, with lace on the edges. Elsie wasn’t twenty anymore, but she looked like a bride, a beautiful bride.  
-What I don’t understand is why I’m wearing white. I’m not pure.  
-Lady Mary wasn’t pure either, and still she wore white. Come on, Mr. Branson must be waiting outside with the car.  
-And what about Charles?  
-He’s probably already in the church.  
-I’m nervous, and I don’t know why.  
-Weddings always make people nervous. Come on.  
They helped her down the stairs and out of the house. It was true, Mr. Branson was waiting there with the car. Soon she was in front of the church’s doors.  
-Thank God Anna, the bouquet.  
-Mr. Barrow is waiting. – Anna handed her the bouquet of white and red roses.  
-Thomas? For what?  
-To give you away.  
-What?-Thomas opened a bit the door and came out.  
-I was horrible to you. And I wanted to do something for you, to say thank you for helping me so much, and to say I’m sorry. I would like to give you away if you let me.  
-Sometimes you are stupid Thomas, but because of things like this I feel that you are back to your normal self. I would be delighted if you gave me away.  
Smiling he placed the veil over her face and handed her his arm, which she took and took a couple of deep breaths. Anna and Beryl opened the doors and everyone turned their heads in her direction. She didn’t hear the music, she just walked to her Charles, who was wearing a grey suit and couldn’t take his eyes from her. Soon the rings came.  
-Elsie Hughes and Charles Carson, have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?  
-Yes, we have.  
-Are you prepared, as you followed the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?  
-Yes, we are.  
-Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?  
-Yes, we are.  
-Since it is your intention to enter the covenant of Holy matrimony, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and his Church.  
-I, Charles, take you, Elsie, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.  
-I, Elsie, take you, Charles, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in heath to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.  
-Bless and sanctify your servants in their love, O Lord, and let these rings, a sign of their faithfulness, remind them of their love for one another. Through Christ our Lord. Bless, O lord, these arras that Charles and Elsie will give to each other and pour over them the abundance of your good gifts.   
-Elsie, - Charles placed her ring on her third finger. – receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  
-Charles, - Elsie placed her ring on her third finger. – receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  
-You may now exchange a kiss, and go in peace with God’s blessings.  
Charles took the veil off her face and kissed her rosy lips. The guests clapped their hands and in cheers they left the church. With white petals falling over them they got into the car, laughing with their hands clasped together.


	11. Chapter 11

Back at Downton Lady Edith’s reception was taking place in the Hall, and the reception from the Carson’s wedding was taking place in the Library. Elsie had a glass of champagne on her hand, and was sitting next to her husband in her white wedding dress. Everyone was having fun, drinking and laughing, and Jane and Richard were running around.  
-I would like to propose a toast. - Mrs. Patmore took her glass of champagne, and looked at the happy couple.  
-Charlie, pour me some more champagne for the toast.  
-Of course Mrs. Carson  
He took the bottle form the table and was about to pour it when his hand started shaking uncontrollably and the liquid fell to the floor. He quickly left the bottle on the table and looked at Elsie, ashamed.  
-I’m so sorry I did that.  
-Charles, what was that?  
-It’s getting worse.  
-What is getting worse?  
-I’m sorry.  
He stood up and left the room. Elsie followed Charles with her eyes until he closed the door.  
-Excuse me. – She stood up and followed her husband, leaving her glass on the table.  
Charles was looking down to the guests that where on the Hall. He looked sad, and his hands were shaking lightly. Elsie walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, what made him turn to look at her.  
-I’m sorry Elsie; probably I embarrassed you in front of everyone because of this.  
-You have not. I would never feel ashamed or embarrassed.  
-I should have told you before about it.  
-We could ask Dr. Clarkson to take a look at your hands.  
-I don’t think…  
-I would feel better knowing what’s wrong. I’ll call tomorrow morning and ask for an appointment.  
-There’s no need because I already know what it is.  
-You know? – Elsie tried to look at him in the eye, but he didn’t move his head.  
-Yes. My father had it, and my grandfather before that, and it finished both their careers. It doesn’t have a name.  
-What happened to them?  
-They just had shaky hands, but they weren’t able to perform their duties as butlers, so they had to retire.  
-Then everything’s fine.  
-No, it is not! I don’t have anything now! I won’t be able to be a butler anymore. What do I have left?  
-You have me. You can’t serve dinner; you can’t pour drinks, that don’t mean you can’t be a butler.  
-Elsie, butlers do those things you just said I can’t do.  
-Butlers do much more than just serve dinner. You decide the wines for his Lordship, you polish the silver, and you watch the footman to make sure everything goes underway at luncheon and dinner. You do much more than just pour drinks. Barrow can do that.  
-I couldn’t possibly go on like this. I’m sorry Elsie.  
-Alright. – She made him turn his head to look at her. – You feel better like this then we will live with it. It doesn’t matter, we can manage. Now, we will go back to the Library and drink to our beautiful life. Understood?  
-We switched places, now you are trying to make me happy.  
-I had to return the favor, didn’t I? Come on Mr. Carson, Mrs. Carson is thirsty and she wants to see her little beans running around making Mrs. Patmore go crazy. - She kissed his lips lightly and followed him to the Library.  
-Elsie, close your eyes! – Beryl run to her and covered her eyes with her hand.  
-What are you doing? You are going to make me fall!  
-Shush and close your eyes. Mr. Carson, make sure she keeps her eyes close.  
-Anything you say Mrs. Patmore.  
-Okay. Jane, Richard, time for our little surprise. Let’s see how these 18 months monkeys do it.  
-Ma has sisted. – Jane smiled at Elsie, who had her eyes closed, with her hand clasped inside her husbands.  
-Very good Jane. Now you Richard.  
-Bewy is mame Ma’s sisted.  
-Becky, but great. Go on. Now you two go on without me.  
-She feautiful but has poblem.  
-She in Swotland but no today.  
-Ma! Open eyes!!  
Jane and Richard run to their ma and took her hands. She opened her eyes to see a woman of blue eyes and brown curly hair standing in front of her.  
-You are here. – Elsie felt tears in her eyes as she looked at Becky, who was smiling at her.  
-Your friends helped.  
-You’re standing on your own. Where’s the wheelchair?  
-Don’t need it. Your friends… helped me… stand and speak… better.  
-You are here, standing in front of me!  
-Wanted I to be here… with you… on your wedding.  
Elsie run to her sister and hugged her tightly against her chest, crying, laughing and smiling. Becky had improved so much, she really could speak better now, she could form better sentences, and she walked without any help. She had color in her cheeks and her auburn curls were brushed and in a low ponytail with a blue bow decorating it.  
-I’m so happy. I just never thought that I would see you like this. Never.  
-O’Brien helped lot.  
-Sarah O’Brien?  
-Yes.  
-Beryl Patmore, you better explain everything to me right now!  
-We found O’ Brien, phoned her, told her what we wanted to do and after arguing for a bit she said she was in Scotland, working, and she agreed on helping Becky. Every once in a while we travelled there and helped too, and now Becky is able to brush her hair without any problem and take her clothes off without help from anyone. She has improved so much she was able to walk without any help and without the wheelchair, so we brought her as your wedding gift.  
-It’s the best thing in the world Beryl. Thank you all for this. Jane, Richard, - she looked down at her kids and smiled. – This is Aunt Becky.  
-Can we hug her?  
-Of course you can.  
Both run to her and hugged her legs, what made her laugh and smile, the best sound in the world for Elsie. She looked at Becky smiling, unable to stop crying. It was as if her mother was back, laughing and having the time of her life.  
-Your sister is lovely. – Charles whispered in her ear.  
-She looks so much like my Ma.  
-She would be the happiest woman in this planet if she were here.  
-Looking at Becky makes me think that she’s here.  
-It’s almost midnight! New Year is approaching- Baxter gave Jane and Richard two glasses of orange juice and a cup of tea to Becky.  
-Ten minutes to go and a new year will come. What would you change about these two horrible years Charles?  
-I wouldn’t change anything.  
-Anything? Not even the incident?  
-Not even that, because if I did I wouldn’t have you in a beautiful white dress in front of me, with your sister playing with the kids and a beautiful life ahead.  
-I think you would change one thing.  
-What?  
-Your shaky hands.  
-Please, I don’t want to take about that.  
-Well, I do. With shaky hands can you take care of a child?  
-Of course I can. I can’t pour wine but I won’t let a child fall from my arms.  
-Good.  
-Why do you ask that?  
-I just don’t want you to drop Jane or Richard.  
-Five minutes! I’m so excited I could drink the whole bottle!  
-Daisy! You just can’t control these young girls anymore. – Mrs. Patmore looked disappointedly at Daisy.  
-Why don’t we go downstairs and welcome this year with the family?  
-Good idea Mr. Carson. Come on, everyone to the Hall.  
Becky walked with the children to the door, following Bates, Mr. Molesley and Anna, chatting and laughing. They walked down the stairs to meet the family and discovered that Lady Edith had left long ago.  
-I wish I could have said goodbye. – Elsie placed a hand on Charles’ upper arm.  
-She wanted to say goodbye to you too, but romance called, and she answered. Doesn’t matter. You all have your glasses? – Lady Cora looked around.  
-Yes. One minute to go! – Daisy jumped with Jane.  
-Right, now or never. May I have your attention please? Just for a minute. -The room turned quiet. - Charles, what would you prefer to have, a dog or a child?  
-I don’t know.  
-Try to think what would make you happier. Dog or child?  
-I suppose that a baby would make me happier.  
-Okay. Becky, would you prefer to be the aunt of a dog or a child?  
-I like kids.  
-Jane, Richard, what would you like, a dog or a child?  
-Ma, dog is big, and scary.  
-But soft and warm.  
-Dog or child? What would you prefer?  
-I don’t like Dog. I want child.  
-And you Richard?  
-I like dog.  
-Then three children and one dog. – She turned to Charles.  
-What is this for?  
-Twenty seconds to go. Nineteen, eighteen, seventeen… I’m going to grant you your wish. I’m four months pregnant.  
-You are what?! – Charles was taken off guard by this and looked at Elsie with his eyes wide open.  
-I’m pregnant. Dr. Clarkson said that some woman can have children until very late in life, some don’t have healthy children and others are lucky, and it seems that I’m one of those women. I could easily bear you children until I reached fifty-five. He says that I’m healthy and the risk of a miscarriage is gone, he says that Baby bean is healthy too, and there’s very little chance of something going wrong, after all I gave birth to twins and everything went perfectly. I’m 11 days and ten seconds from turning 50, and we - she pointed at Charles and then at herself. – are pregnant.  
-I’m going to be a father.  
-Five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year! - Daisy jumped happily.  
Charles looked at Elsie, who smiled at him and bit her lip. He dropped the glass and kissed her passionately, smiling against her lips. He placed his hands around her waist and brought her as close to him as he could.  
-Congratulations Carson, old boy. – Lord Grantham shook Charles’ hand and smiled at him. – A great start for the year 1912. Congratulations Mrs. Carson.  
-Thank you My Lord.  
-When were you going to tell me about it?! – Beryl walked to her smiling.  
-I’ve waited for two months to be able to tell you all. Dr. Clarkson wanted to wait until the risk of losing Baby bean passed, and then I thought that telling you all in New Year’s Eve would make the start of this year the best of your lives. So, I’m pregnant.  
-Lord knows that Carson doesn’t have a problem! – Lady Mary run to him and hugged him. – I’m so happy for you too. Really happy.  
-Thank you My Lady. It means so much to us that you are happy about it.  
Elsie walked to her sister as Charles talked with Lady Mary. She was sitting on the floor, playing with Jane and Richard. Before she reached her destination she was congratulated by Baxter, Daisy, Anna, Bates and Mr. Molesley.  
-Becky. – Her sister looked up at her and smiled. – Children, go with Mr. Barrow, I think he’s a bit lonely and needs someone to play with. – They stood and run to Thomas, who was nursing a glass of champagne. A smile appeared on his lips when they children asked him to play with them. Elsie sat in front of her. – Are you happy Becky?  
-I’m happy. It’s nice here.  
-You’ve done so well today.  
-I have no fallen!  
-No, you haven’t, and I’m very glad. What do you think of the children?  
-They are nice. Funny, and they hug me.  
-They do? Do you like it when they hug you?  
-Yes. I don’t get many hugs.  
-Well, I’m sure you will get lots of hugs from now on. You have done a wonderful work in this year, and I’m very proud of you. I just want you to know that. I’m proud of you. – Becky smiled brightly at her and leaned to take the hair pin from her sister’s hair.  
-Ma’s.  
-Yes. You don’t mind that I wore it today, do you?  
-I don’t mind. You look pretty.  
-I’m sure that if you wore it you would look beautiful too. Just like Ma.  
-Ma was pretty too.  
-Yes, she was. She is. She will always be.  
-Ma proud of me too?  
-Ma would be proud of you too. She would be the happiest and proudest mother in the world.  
-I’m happy for you Elsie.  
-I’m happy too. Very happy.  
-Ma happy for you too.  
Becky hugged her sister and rested her head on her chest. Elsie felt tears in her eyes and smiled.  
-I know. – She whispered against her sister’s hair.  
She closed her eyes and when she opened them she saw them standing there, in the Hall, smiling up at her. She was a beautiful thin lady of blue eyes and brown long curls, and the man standing next to her was a hard working farmer with blue eyes and auburn hair. They both smiled at the sisters and just as they had appeared the disappeared, as if they had been made out of some, wind had blown and they were gone. Elsie hugged her sister closer to her body.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is not very long, but I want to know any ideas you might want me to add to this story. Any suggestions are more than welcome. Big things are coming in the next chapters.

The eight month pregnant Elsie sat on her couch in her Sitting Room. Baby Carson was much more cooperative than the twins had been, so she slept much better at night and worked much more than she had done in her previous pregnancy. She was sitting there; with her hands lying on her belly and her mind on could nine. She didn’t see nor hear Charles come in until he was kneeling in front of her. Elsie had talked with his Lordship, and after arguing, Charles had given in, and had accepted that his situation wasn’t as bad as he pictured it, and Mr. Barrow could perform the duties Charles was unable to perform due to his illness.

-Elsie?

-Charles, - She seemed to come back to earth. – I didn’t see you come in.

-You seem so far away today. Are you alright?

-Yes, yes I’m fine.

-Where is your mind today Elsie?

-Miles away.

-Why?

-I’m getting a bad feeling.

-What sort of bad feeling? About the baby?

-No. I don’t know what sort of bad feeling, but it’s a bad bad feeling. Did you want something by the way?

-Her Ladyship and his Lordship have called for us. Are you sure you are okay?

She nodded and with Charles’ help she stood up. She followed him up to the Library, with her arms crossed beneath her chest, her mind slipping away again. She entered the room and Carson closed the door after her.

-Oh, good. You are both here. His Lordship and I are going on a trip. To America.

-America My lady? – Elsie looked at Charles.

-Yes, Mrs. Carson. We are the representatives of Downton Abbey, and we are going on a short holiday to America, and many members of the high spheres of society will invite us to parties, so we want you both to come with us.

-Is that wise My Lady? Mrs. Carson is…

-Don’t worry, if Baby Carson says the he or she is coming, he or she won’t care a bit where you are, and it doesn’t matter if it is born in America. Baby Cason will still be British. And as a surprise you won’t be accompanying us as our valet and lady’s maid, but as our guests. Cousin Patrick will be going too, but he wants to be on his own.

-Well, then if it’s settled, when are we leaving My Lady? – Charles smiled lightly at Elsie.

-Tomorrow morning the boat leaves for France from Southampton, but we have to go down to London today, so we won’t be late for the train that will take us there tomorrow morning.

-Today? Who will take care of Jane and Richard My Lady?

-Anna and Bates. They want to have children, so keeping them for a few weeks might do them good.

-It will be the first time I’m away from them for more than a few hours.

-They are going to be alright. Think about this. – Lady Cora stood up and showed them a big drawing of a huge boat. - You will be staying in a first class cabin aboard the brand new boat from the White Star Line, the RMS Titanic; leaving tomorrow at noon, boarding at 9:30.

-First… first class? – Elsie’s mouth hanged open and her eyes wide.

-Yes. Promenade Deck B60 and B59, with a parlour that we will share, two bedrooms, two wardrobes rooms, two bathrooms and a private promenade.

-A private promenade?!

-Yes, we will share that too. The cabins are next to each other, connected by doors, and they are equipped with modern electrical appliances, such as telephones, heaters, steward call bells, table fans…

-My Lady, we would have been comfortable in a Second class cabin.

-Nonsense, you will be going as our guests, not as our servants. Do you think that in an hour you could be read to leave for London?

-Yes My Lady. – Elsie shallowed hard and looked at Charles.

-It seems Mrs. Carson is not comfortable with the accommodations? – Lady Cora looked at the frowning Elsie.

-No, I’m very pleased, it’s just that…

-You are getting the bad feeling, aren’t you?

-Yes.

-Is it the boat, America… What gives you the bad feeling?

-I don’t know. It’s probably just me, don’t mind it. - Elsie smiled at her Ladyship. – Will that be all My Lady?

-Yes. Try and be ready in an hour or so.

-Yes My Lady.

Charles opened the door for Elsie and closed it once she was out in the corridor.

-Charles, go home and start packing, I’m going downstairs to tell the children that we will be gone for a few weeks.

-What shall I pack?

-Your best suits and the dresses that will make your wife look as first class passenger. – Lady Cora had opened the door and was walking to her room, smiling at them.

-Thank you My Lady.

Charles kissed Elsie’s cheek and accompanied her downstairs to grab his coat and hat. Elsie walked to the kitchen, where Mrs. Patmore and Daisy were baking cookies with the kids.

-What are you doing here? – Elsie kissed Jane’s cheek and the top of Richard’s head.

-Cookies, ma.

-You are baking cookies?

-Yes. Chocolate cookies. Want one? – Richard took a round cookie from a tray and gave it to Elsie, who smiling bit it.

-They are delicious. – Elsie watched them for a few minutes before she finally decided telling them. - Darlings, Ma has something very important to tell you. – They looked at her; quiet, as well as Beryl and Daisy. – Ma and Da will be gone for a few weeks, and Anna and John will take care of you while we are gone. Okay?

-Why you leaving us?

-I’m not leaving you sweetheart, but Ma and Da are going to a big boat tomorrow to go to America. I promise we will write so Anna can tell you that we are fine, and we will bring you gifts too.

-Gifts? - Jane looked excitedly at her brother and jumped to hug her Ma. – We’ll be good.

-I know you will. Kiss me, come on, I have to go.

-And Da?

-You will be able to say goodbye once he comes back from home. Okay? Now run along.

Jane kissed her cheek and run out of the kitchen; Richard was still sitting there.

-Darling, why don’t you go with your sister?

-I don’t you to go.

-I don’t want to leave you either, but I must. I promise I will bring you a teddy bear from the other side of the ocean.

-You pomise you is come back?

-I promise I will come back, and your Da too. Come on, give me a kiss.

Richard threw his arms around his Ma’s neck and kissed her cheeks, then jumped to the floor and went to look for her sister.

-You are going to America? – Beryl had left her mixing bowl on the table.

-Her Ladyship and his Lordship have invited us to join them in a short holiday in America.

-Even in the sea you will work. Should you be going?

-We are not going as servants. We are going as first class passengers.

-Holy Christ!

-Wait. We are going on a brand new ship. Guess which one.

-I don’t know.

-The unsinkable Titanic.

-You’re pulling my leg!

-I’m not.

-But that boat leaves tomorrow.

-Yes. We are going to spend the night in London so we can catch a train to Southampton tomorrow morning.

-Bloody hell! You are lucky.

-I’m going to see America.

-Once you get there send us a letter or a telegram.

-Oh I will, don’t worry. Beryl, will you keep an eye on the little beans?

-Of course I will, don’t you worry.

-I can’t help worrying; it comes with being a mother.

-Well, try not to worry much and enjoy being a first class lady.

Elsie squeezed Beryl’s upper arm and went to her Sitting Room. She felt as if this wasn’t going to end up right, she knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Perhaps it was her, perhaps she just felt like that today. She sat on her couch again and closed her eyes. She as a bit tired; she would just rest her eyes for a few minutes before Charles came.

She felt to strong hands on her shoulders, shaking her lightly. She opened her blue eyes slowly to see Charles’ face.

-I fell asleep, didn’t I?

-Yes. Did you tell the little beans?

-Yes. Jane took it rather well, Richard, on the other hand, was afraid we might not come back. I told him that we will, and calmed him down.

-Everything’d packed in the car. We’ve waiting for you for ten minutes.

-I’m so sorry. Help me up and we will leave. – Charles took her hands and pulled her to him, getting her into a standing position. – Have you said goodbye to them?

-Yes. Grab your coat and your purse and we will be going.

-Wait. – Elsie went to her desk and picked up two pictures. – Now we can go.

Charles offered her his arm, they both walked side by side up to car and waved goodbye to Downton. Elsie felt as if this was going to be the last time she saw it. Her friends, her children, life just as she had known stayed inside those walls, and she felt, as she was leaving, that she was signing her death sentence. She just knew, and it frightened her to no end.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review :)

The sun shone against the black metal panels, making them shine. The enormous chimneys stood proudly above everyone and everything. She felt so small compared to that monster of the sea; it almost frightened her how proudly it stood above the water, ready for her guests. She wanted to touch the metal, wondering whether it would be rough against her fingers or not, and whether if it would be cold or warm. She felt every time she looked from one side to the other that it was miles long, that she would never be able to reach the other side without a car or a bicycle. Now she understood why people called it the unsinkable. Not even God would sink that gorgeous sea Queen. The doubts Elsie had had were slowly fading away, and a rush of excitement was running now through her veins, making her smile and grab Charles’ hand.  
-Look at her. She’s splendid.  
-She is. Bad feeling?  
-Not at all. Excitement, and your child is experiencing it too. How could I have thought last night that it might sink? Not even God could sink her.  
-I agree. Imagine how big the cabins must be.  
-They must be half the Servant’s Hall, and I think that would only be the bathroom.  
-Mrs. Carson, Mr. Carson, what do you think? – Lady Cora walked to the couple, followed by Lord Grantham.  
-I don’t have words My Lady.  
-It is rather splendid, isn’t it?  
-When are we going to board?  
-In half an hour. They told Robert that First Class passengers board an hour before departure, so you might want to sit down in the car again Mrs. Carson.  
-That’s sounds very appealing My Lady. Will you come with me Charles?  
He followed her to the car, where she sat behind the wheel, resting her back and looking at the ship through the front glass. Her left hand rested against her belly, feeling Baby Carson kick.  
-Elsie, I think we are going to have the time of our lives in America.  
-I was scared, I still am a bit, but I can’t wait to get into that ship.  
-I can’t imagine how the ship will look like inside.   
-Will it have a Library?   
-Will it have a smoke room?  
-I’m even wondering if it has stables.  
-I wouldn’t be surprised.   
-Carson, people are starting to get inside, come on. – Lady Cora called.  
Charles took Elsie’s hand and pulled her out of the car gently. The line of passengers was divided in two, second and first class; second class passengers boarding at the end of the boat and first class passengers boarding at the front. Lady Grantham walked to Elsie and took her hand.  
-From now on, until we get back, you will call me Cora or Lady Grantham, and I will call you Elsie or Mrs. Carson, as I’ve been doing. You are now my friend, and you are accompanying me to America.  
-My Lady, I couldn’t…  
-Now Elsie, I’m Cora, not My Lady.  
-It will take time for me to adjust… Cora.  
-The same goes for you Carson, old boy. I’m Robert or Lord Grantham.  
-This is going to be a long journey. – Charles sighed and looked at Elsie, who smiled.  
-You will survive.  
-Elsie, I’ve taken the liberty of buying you some new dresses in London, as well as globes for dinner. I hope you don’t mind.   
-I don’t mind My… Cora. But you didn’t have to.  
-I wanted to. They were so cute, and I think that you will look stunning. Robert, darling, you and Carson should go first. You have the tickets.   
Charles walked pass Elsie and brushed his hand against hers as Lord Grantham positioned himself as the next in line. Once the couple they had in front of them walked inside the ship Robert saw a man with white hair and beard, standing in his white polished uniform, greeting the passengers.  
-Very good morning, may I know your names and see your tickets?  
-Lady and Lord Grantham, and Mr. and Mrs. Carson.   
-I’m Captain Smith, and since everything seems to be in order, welcome to the Titanic.  
-Thank you very much. – Captain Smith looked at Robert, then at Charles and Cora, looking down at the tickets.  
-You are expecting Mrs Carson! – When he looked at the ticket and then at Elsie an even brighter smile appeared on his lips.  
-I am, Captain Smith.  
-You and your husband’s cabin is B59 in Promenade Deck, if you want I can a have a phone installed that can contact the doctor at any hour.  
-That is very thoughtful Captain Smith, and I’m sure my wife would find it very pleasing.   
-I will send a man in an hour. Now Mr. Breaton will show you to your cabins. Have a very good journey and congratulations.  
Elsie looked really pleased with herself and took her husband’s arm when, finally, they made it inside the ship. The corridors were the most beautiful thing Elsie had ever seen, with wooden walls, small chandeliers, electrical chandeliers, hanging from the ceiling. When they reached a grand staircase, made out of wood too, they went up, to be greeted by the white wooden walls of a huge Hall with plants, chairs and tables and a blue, red and golden rug. At the end of the corridor were their bedrooms. Mr. Breaton gave Charles the key for the cabin B59, and Lord Grantham the cabin of B60.  
-The Sitting Room is made in Georgian Style. The bedroom and Wardrobe Room from B60 are decorated in Louis XVI Style, and the bedroom and Wardrobe Room from B59 are decorated in Neo- Classical French Empire Style. Both bathrooms have Numidico Marble sinks. Your luggage is already inside. If you need anything at all just use the bell. Have a nice journey.  
After thanking him Charles opened the door of their bedroom and waited for Elsie to go inside before closing.  
-Oh Jesus Christ! Charles! – Charles turned around, his mouth opened wide, in shock.  
The room was exquisite, the walls in white wood, but decorations on the walls, the corners and the doors, in gold. Electrical lamps were on the walls, and a strong blue carpet covered the floor. The headboard and the foot of the bed were made out of wood, painted in black and decorated with gold drawings, as well as the legs of the bed and the borders. There was a blue sheet under the bed that covered the bed base; one door next to the foot of the bed and another door next to the headboard. The dressing table was made out of white marble, black wood decorated in gold with two white sinks. The door that was at the foot of the bed was a small room with white walls, empty; the other door connected to the bathroom. There were windows at the other side of the room, a black wooden table, an electrical lamp resting on it, blue and golden chairs and a blue and golden couch. When he turned to look at the window he saw another door that linked with their private promenade. Elsie was absolutely taken aback by all this; she had never seen something like this in her life, not even in Downton.  
-Is… this… ours?  
-I believe so, and I must say that… I don’t have words.  
-You? Charles Carson doesn’t have words?  
-I’m very impressed.  
-I feel like a Queen.  
Charles took her hand and opened the door of the bathroom. The floor still had the blue carpet covering it, the bathtub was white and shiny, and the sink was made out of marble, a dark sort of red and brown marble with two mirrors. There was also a shower at the other side of the room. It was very big, and the shelf with white towels of every length stood next to the door. There was another door next to the shower. Charles opened it to see the Wardrobe room; with white walls, two big black closets, another sink, but this one was black and blue. Their suitcases were lying against the wall and their clothes, bottles of perfume; shaving brushes… everything was already in the closets and on the shelves.  
-Perfect service don’t you think? - They walked back to their bedroom.  
-I must admit that for now it has been wonderful, but not better than ours.  
-Of course. We are the best in this job.  
There was a knock on the door and after looking around Charles went to answer it. Lady and Lord Grantham were standing there, smiling.  
-Won’t you come in Lady and Lord Grantham?  
-I don’t think you will ever call us Robert and Cora in this trip, will you?  
-I highly doubt it.  
-This room is exquisite. Our room has dark wooden walls with dark red panels of fabric, and our furniture is all dark wood and red. It’s absolutely breath-taking. Would like to go and say goodbye?  
-Yes. Probably Mrs. Patmore caught the train. She told last night that she would try and come.  
-Then we should go.  
Lady Grantham was really excited, after all she was American, and she was going back home. She walked quickly but gracefully up the Grand Staircase and took Roberts hand to approach the railing of the ship. Elsie with her eight months belly found it a bit difficult to lean on it and look for Mrs. Patmore but she tried.  
-There she is Elsie. – Charles pointed at a small figure that waved her hands up to where they were.  
-Beryl! – Elsie waved back at the short woman, who excited, started jumping.  
There was sudden blast of smoke that meant that the Queen was ready to leave. Charles grabbed on of Elsie’s hands and looked down at her. Elsie waved happily at Beryl. Lady Cora was also waving at Mrs. Patmore, smiling brightly.  
-Goodbye! Keep an eye on the children!   
-Be good! And don’t burn the house!  
Elsie looked at Lady Cora and laughed at her boldness. She really was excited. Elsie felt the ship start moving and saw Beryl turning smaller and smaller. She waved goodbye to England, her life, all she had known, and she felt happy. She felt Baby Carson kick and suddenly a wave of sadness hit her like a brick.  
-Elsie, are you crying?  
-I’m sorry. – She felt new tears running down her cheeks.  
-Don’t worry; it’s not going to be a goodbye forever.  
-I know, but I already miss Jane and Richard.   
-It’s going to be hard, it’s the first time we are away from them, but we have to be strong.   
-Mrs. Carson, think that while you are gone they are going to be able to feel how much they need you, and when you come back they will love you even more.  
-And that makes me feel I’m a horrible mother for leaving them behind.  
-Elsie, look at me. – Elsie dried her tears a bit and looked at Charles. – The only thing we have to worry about this few weeks is having the time of our lives; we haven’t had a moment for ourselves in months. We are going to enjoy this ship and are going to see America for the first time in our lives. This is our opportunity to not be servants for the first time in all this years.  
-And we are going to make the best of it.  
-That’s what I wanted to hear. Why don’t we go inside and explore a bit?  
-We need a map for that.   
-Let’s improvise buttercup!   
Charles took her left hand and pulled her with him. Elsie laughed and followed him a bit impressed. It was the first time he had ever called her buttercup, and she had loved it. She expected to hear that more often from now on. Lady and Lord Grantham watched them as a pair of proud parents, even though Charles and Elsie were the old ones.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review :)

They got to France an hour later after an almost accident took place. Not many people had known about it, mostly the first class passenger. At 8 p.m. they headed for Ireland, and at 11:30 a.m. on the 11th of April they reached their destination, where they picked up the last passengers and at 1:30 p.m. they weighed anchor and the journey began; destination, America.

Elsie and Charles had found it rather easy to fit into the first class community, enjoying a very warm welcome and wonderful facilities. At first it had taken them a few master classes from Lady and Lord Grantham to understand completely how first class passengers should behave, how to make other people know that they were from first class, how to dress… Elsie felt that as a pregnant woman she should wear comfortable clothes, but it turn out that glamour and comfortability not always fitted.

The first night they spent in the Titanic Robert had got dressed two hours before dinner and had knocked on the door to find Charles in his robe with two suits hanging from the wall. Elsie had been also on her robe, but she was had been lying in bed.

-I’m sorry if I’m imposing.

-No, you are not Lord Grantham.

-But your wife is in bed. I think I better come back when she’s up.

-It’s alright Lord Grantham, I’m awake. Please, do come in and help my husband. I’ve seen all his suits three times already.

Lord Grantham had entered the room and had walked to look at the suits. Elsie had been in bed for an hour or so, and had been lying against a few fluffy pillows. She had started feeling the now common pains that came with the end of pregnancy and after walking for a bit around the room she had decided on resting. Well, actually Charles had gone around the room with her like a chicken without head and when she felt that he was going to lose his mind she decided that maybe if she rested it would bring her calmer husband back.

Soon after Lord Grantham had come, Lady Grantham had showed up, ready to dress Elsie. She had freaked out when she had seen her there, but after they explained, Cora had helped her up and had taken her to her room to help her dress.

Dinner had been absolutely amazing; the first class Dining Saloon was decorated in wooden panelling which was carved in the Jacobean style and painted in glossy white enamel. There were two aisles the length of the room which created a large central dining area delineated by pillars. At both the aft and forward end of this central area were two elaborately carved oak buffet stations contrasted warmly with the otherwise entirely shite room. On either side of the central seating area the room was divided into alcoves by partition walls with arched windows. In total there were 115 tables, set for two to twelve people. Every single table had been set so perfectly that Elsie had seen a tear escape Charles eyes when he looked down at it. It featured red and blue linoleum tiles. The furniture was made of oak and chairs upholstered in dark green leather. The rooms’ portholes were elegantly concealed by rectangular 5 ft. tall leaded-glass windows, giving the passsengers the impression that they were eating onshore instead of at sea. For even more atmosphere the windows were lit from behind during the evening meals. The food had been splendid as well, and they had had dinner next to one of those gorgeous windows. When they finished Robert and Carson had retired to the Smoking Room, and Elsie and Cora had gone up to the bow to look around a bit and several minute after that they had gone to their rooms, called for tea and sat chatting in the Sitting Room until the men came back and went to bed.

The next morning Charles and Elsie had woken up at nine, and stayed in bed for a bit before they got up. Charles had slept against the wall, and had left the other side for Elsie, in case she needed to go to the bathroom. Elsie felt wonderful, she was feeling so comfortable, and Baby Carson was kicking very lightly, but Charles had needed to go to the bathroom and she had to get up. She had put her robe on and went to open the door to look at the private promenade. To her surprise she found Lady and Lord Grantham having breakfast there, reading the newspaper. The windows were open and a light breeze entered the room, giving it some life. Another table was ready for Charles and Elsie.

-Good morning Mrs. Carson. Slept well?

-Very well Lady Grantham.

-We thought we had heard… noises last night.

-Noises Lady Grantham? – Charles had walked with his robe on.

-Moaning.

-You heard right.

-Oh? - Cora left her cup on the table.

-Charles kept banging his head against the wall. He left the right side of the bed to me, in case I needed to go to the bathroom, and every time he turned around he banged his head against the wall. If you heard some cursing it was him too.

-I’ve got a bump in my forehead!

-Then maybe you should have breakfast. Robert, call Mr. Rogers.

-Mr. Rogers?

-Yes Mrs. Carson, since we didn’t bring any servants with us the staff has arranged for us to have two valets, a footman, two lady’s maids and two scullery maids.

-We have servants?

-Yes, we do. You will get used to it. Mr. Rogers is the footman; he serves us breakfast, tea, whatever we want. What would you like?

-Tea, toasts… Elsie?

-If I told you what I want I would drive that poor footman crazy.

-Don’t worry Lady Carson, - the young footman stood at the door, smiling at them with a perfect posture. - anything you want we will get it.

-Then I suppose that you could bring croissants, strawberries, tea, toasts and pickles.

-Pickles already Elsie?

-I’ve been craving pickles all night.

-We will bring all that in no time Lady Carson. Will that be all?

-No, bring also orange juice.

-Of course Lady Carson. If you’ll excuse me.

Rogers left the room closing the door and Charles and Elsie sat at their table, where a bowl of fruit stood.

-They know that we are Mr. and Mrs. Carson, don’t they?

-Yes, we told them, but they insisted on calling you Lady and Lord Carson. If you feel uncomfortable you can talk with them.

-We can put up with it Lady Grantham.

-Lord Carson sure can. - Elsie smiled cheekily at Charles and ate a cherry.

Along the day Elsie and Cora had explored the boat, just the two of them, and they had found a Reading and Writing Room, Turkish Baths, Swimming Pool, many different cafés and the First- class Lounge. They had also spent quite some time on the Promenade and Boat Decks, looking down at the sea. Soon they found themselves having lunch with Charles and Robert in the À la Carte Restaurant, where they decided what to have for lunch, enjoying the room which was decorated in Louis XVI style with exquisitely carved French walnut panelling trimmed in gilt-brass accents. The fluted columns that interspersed throughout the room were carved with gilded ribbons and the plaster ceilings and were installed within the panelling imitating windows and the room was divided into bays along either side with oval mirrors inset. Along the forward wall was a large buffet with a peach-coloured marble top and along the aft wall was a raised bandstand for the orchestra, with buffets on either side containing the silver service and cutlery. The Restaurant featured its own custom Spode china service in gilt and cobalt blue. Axminster carpeting in Rose du Barry covered the floors and the plush chairs of French walnut were upholstered in pink rose-patterned Aubusson tapestry. The tables were grey with pink roses and white daisies, and the stringed orchestra was playing music from Puccini and Tchaikovsky. Elsie had had trouble choosing what to have, looking down at the menu she really was overwhelmed by the superb food: caviar, lobster, quail from Egypt, plovers’ eggs…

After they had had their lunch they went for a walk around the Boat Deck; Lady and Lord Grantham talked about things from the first class that were so normal for them but so new to Elsie and Charles. They sat in a bench and looked at the sea, enjoying the air and the fact that they were so far from England now.

-Are you enjoying this Lady Carson?

-Very much, Lord Carson. Everything is so magnificent, the service is perfect and the boat it’s simply splendid. I really could get used to this kind of life.

-Could you really? All those parties, those dresses, the protocols…

-I know the hard work behind all that. We both know the hard work.

-That’s why we enjoy them better now, don’t we?

-It feels wonderful to know that you don’t have to do any of this. That for once you can enjoy it instead of running around thinking: “Oh my God, did the maids put clean sheets on cabin C13? Will lunch be ready for Lord and Lady Blablabla, who wishes to eat in their room?” You just think: “I’m going to try the Turkish baths tomorrow? I think I will swim a bit after lunch.” For once in our lives we are not servants.

-We are Lord and Lady Carson.

-Indeed, and we have our own lady’s maid and valet, which feels weird.

-And she does a great job, because you look beautiful.

-Flattery will get you everywhere Mr. Carson.

-I certainly hope so.

Before they knew it they had spent four days in the Titanic already since they had left Southampton. Elsie and Cora had spent most of the time together, exploring and enjoying the facilities, but sometimes they got to share some of that time with their husbands. One of those facilities had been the swimming pool, and after what had happened in their trip to the seaside Elsie was sure Charles had never, in his whole life, swam in a pool with other people. He looked so dashing in his new and unused swimsuit. She hadn’t swam, no swimsuit would fit her, so she gladly laid in a deck chair in a brand new white summer dress with cotton stockings, white heeled shoes, and a new white hat. Her purse and white globes rested next to the deck chair, and a brand new white fur coat rested on the top of her deck chair. Cora had decided on the same.

-I’ve been wondering, in another life have you ever been a first class lady, Elsie?

-I wouldn’t know Cora. Why do you ask?

-Your posture, you’ve improved so much I would have thought you really were a Lady. I mean by title.

-I feel like a whale. Lady Whale Carson.

-You do look a bit pale.

-I’m pale. Mr. Sun and I are not very good friends.

-When we get to America you will easily get a bit of colour on those cheeks.

-And a raisin as a husband if Charles doesn’t get out of the water soon.

-I’ve already gotten used to the idea that I married a raisin. - They both laughed out loud, smiling.

When Elsie woke up the 14th of April she looked at the window and with a bit of difficulty she sat on the bed. Baby Carson had dropped low on her hips along the night. She could breath better, but Baby Carson was resting against her bladder. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and when she got out she found Charles already in his robe, looking at her.

-It's late, it's almost ten. I think we should have breakfast and start moving a bit, don't you think?

-Sounds lovely.

Elsie put her robe on and both walked to the promenade, where they found Cora and Robert, that looked as if they had just woken up too. They sat on their tables and soon Mr. Rogers delivered their breakfast.

-We thought last night that perhaps we could have a quiet day on the Lounge.

-Sounds perfect, doesn't it Charles?

-I think we could let our legs rest a bit before trying something new. The swimming pool has me dead.

-A quiet day is just what we all need. May I have a strawberry?

They had talked about everything and nothing, getting to know each other a bit better. Elsie had started getting those pains again, but this time they were longer and regular. She thought that perhaps if she remained calm and relaxed they would go. Around lunch time, when the people started leaving for the Dining Saloon and the Restaurant Elsie felt something warm trickling down her legs. A river of warm water creating a puddle at her feet, ruining her new light blue dress. She sat straight on her chair and looked at Charles.

-And then I spotted Mr. Barrow...

-Charles.

-A minute, dear. Then I spotted Mr. Barrow in this dark blue shirt...

-Charles!

-What is it Elsie?

-Baby Carson is coming.

-What do you mean coming? Are you having pains?

-My water broke.

-Good God! - Charles stood up so quickly his chair fell, but he had only eyes for Elsie, who sat there, calm. - We have to get you to the doctor! Or the doctor to you!

-Carson, breath, calm down, and listen to the mother of three. -He nodded in silence- Now, we have to get her to your room, Robert will put a word on the doctor and they will clean this mess. If you freak out, so will she, and we need her calm. Now take hold of her left arm and I will take hold of the other one.

Charles took a couple of deep breaths and helped his wife stand up. Elsie was having pains, but they were so much better than the ones she had experienced with the twins. Whenever a pain came she would control her breathing but continued walking. When they reached their room Cora helped Elsie strip and put her nightdress on.

-Mr. Carson, why don't you strip the bed and add towels and pillows.

-I don't want to lay down yet. Why don't we walk for a bit?

Cora took both Elsie's hands in hers and walked the small perimeter of the room, stopping whenever a contraction came to let Elsie adjust to the increasing pains. Around half an hour later Robert knocked and Charles, who didn't know what to do went to open the door.

-The doctor knows, he said he will come when the pains start being five minutes from each or if the pain increases suddenly. He also told me that of you feel that the pain is too much you might try and get into the bathtub. Water will make the pain less horrible. I've also told Mr. Rogers about the situation and he's bringing lunch here.

-Thank you Lord Grantham.

Cora ate the first and Charles took her place when she was having lunch. He hated seeing Elsie in pain, he really did. When Cora finished she took her place again and let Robert and Charles eat. They had asked Elsie if she wanted something, but she had refused anything but water. As the hours passed the contractions got worse, and around five Elsie's legs started falling her and Cora amd Charles laid her in bed, afraid that she might fall if they kept walking. Captain Smith had been notified of the event, and had sent nurses every hour to make sure everything was alright and to see if the soon to be mother was comfortable, even though no position is comfortable when you are in labor.

Around seven Elsie had started sweating, her face was flushed, and the ability of speaking had left her. She was now trying to breath through the pain, turning in bed, hoping to find a position where the pain decreased considerably. When she whimpered for the first time Cora sent Charles to fill the tub, and had started placing wet cloths on Elsie's forehead, arms, neck and legs. Robert brought dry towels every now and then, and refilled the bowl of cold water that Cora was using for the cloth. Charles was just there for Elsie, as a soon to be father and husband, encouraging her. When the tub was ready they lifted Elsie from the bed and slowly got her inside the warm water. It helped her terribly, and she felt herself regaining some of her bearings.

-Charles- Her voice was raspy and low.

-I'm here. How are you feeling.

-I like the water.

-We thought you might like it. The pains are getting closer, eight minutes now, so whenever you want we can call the doctor.

-It doesn't matter that the pains are closer, this baby is going to take many more hours to come.

-How do you know?

-Because it hasn't moved down yet. It dropped low last night, but not enough so that in the next three hours it will make its appearance.

-Then we will wait. Is there anything you want?

-A back rub.

Charles was glad he could do something for her as he was kneeling next to the bathtub, massaging her back as she breathed through contractions. Around nine Cora and Robert had called for Mr. Rogers again, and had ordered dinner.

-You don't mind if we have dinner in our room, do you?

-Not at all, we are good like this, but I would like if you could bring me a tea or something.

-Of course Charles. We won't be long.

Elsie was so deep in thought that she didn't know what time it was or where she was, she just knew the pain in her abdomen and back, and her whole world was that. She actually felt calm; deep down she knew there were just Charles and her, and everything was under control. At ten, maybe a bit later, Robert and Cora came back, and they had brought more cold water and towels. They had been inside that cabin all day, but they didn't mind, they were their friends and they wouldn't leave.

Hours went, and when the water turned cold they took Elsie out of the bath and drained it so it could be filled again with more warm water. Elsie rested in all fours on the towel covered floor, resting her arms on a pillow. When the tub was filled again they looked at Elsie. They would wait until she felt she wanted to get inside, they wouldn't do it without her permission.

-Elsie, do you want to get into the tub again?

All Charles got in response was a grunt and a very energic nod from his wife, so slowly Cora and him got her inside the water again. Charles had rolled up his sleeves and massaged her back. Suddenly Elsie lifted her head and tried to focus a bit.

-Is something wrong Elsie? Do we call the doctor?

-No... The water...

-What about it? It's not cold yet, is it?

-It's falling.

-What do you mean it's falling?

-Look... at the front edge of the tub... the water it's falling.

Charles looked at the front and found that she was telling the truth. The room was bowing forward, with the water from the tub falling and the bottles of perfume and the shaving brushes sliding from the shelf on the Wardrobe Room.

-What's going on?

-I'll go and try to find out Charles.

-Be quick Robert.

Elsie had her eyes closed and Charles was still massaging her back. It had just turned 2 a.m. when Robert came bursting in with a horrid expression on his face.

-Robert darling, what's wrong? You look as if you have seen a ghost.

\- We have to get out of here. Now!

-What's wrong? - Charles and Cora lifted Elsie from the tub-

-You won't believe this, but we've collided with in iceberg. The boat is sinking.

-What?- Elsie had opened her eyes and was trying to stay as focused a possible.

-There's no time to explain, grab your coats and let's go.

-Wait, my shoes. Charles, the photos.

-We can't, we have to go.

-Please Charles, they are the only pictures I got from my Ma and my sister.

-Alright.

Charles quickly grabbed his coat, Elsie's and her shoes. When she was ready Charles took the pictures from the table, kept them on his inner pocket and put Elsie's locket around her neck. Everything was in a rush, and soon they were all ready making their way as fast as they could to the Boats Deck. When they managed to get upstairs the scene that greeted them was the most horrifying they had ever seen. People running around, screaming, trying to get hold of their loved ones, people jumping into the water trying to save their lives, others were now in boats far from the sinking ship. Elsie felt a rush of fear overtake her as she looked at the water that was on the bow getting nearer and nearer. They run to the boat and screamed at the poor man in uniform what was happening and that Elsie and Cora needed to get into that boat. He agreed and was about to help Cora inside when a rush of people made him let the boat go down into the water and Cora and Elsie found themselves being pushed against the wet floor. Charles run to Elsie and took her in his arms, looking at the scene.

-I'm sorry. - The boy shouted as he tried not to fall into the water.- That was the last boat.

Elsie felt as if she was going to faint. She didn't want this to be the end, she was about to bring her baby into the world, fate couldn't be this cruel as to let her die frozen embracing her husband, in the middle of the sea with a newborn in her arms. She felt tears in her eyes, the pains from labor forgotten at the prospect of dying.

-I don't want to die, Charles. I don't want our baby to die.

-You won't die, not while I'm here. Cora, Robert, we must get to the end of the ship. There might be something we can do to survive, but we need time, and if we stay here we won't have much. Come on.

Charles leaded the group quickly to the other side of the ship, looking how people cried, jumped and called for others. There were already dead people lying over the water. It must have been cold as ice if people were already dead. Charles looked down at Elsie who was praying as she breathed through the pains.

Cora and Robert never let their hands go, and followed Carson thinking if this might be their last moments together. They thought of their life, their daughters, their friends, their home.

Charles was finding it difficult to walk through the sea of people that were running around, but he kept walking. He was a very determined man, and he had promised Elsie he would protect her, and they had promised their children they would come back. They had to, they couldn't die now, after all they had gone through this couldn't be the end. Charles' grip on Elsie grew tighter as they were getting close to the end of the ship.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review :)

They made it to the end of the boat in a record time, but the ship was sinking very quickly, too quickly for them to think. The stern had air inside, so it started rising. Elsie didn't let go of Charles, she was scared, and in pain. Tears run down her cheeks, thinking that this was it, the end, no more parties, no more kisses, no more dancing, no more living.

-Carson, there's nothing we can use to get out of here, and the floor is slippery. If she keeps on rising we will fall into the water!

-I know! I can't think. I'm so sorry Elsie.

-Don't be sorry, how could you have known that this was going to happen?

-Your bad feeling. We should have listened to it.

-Oh Charles, I didn't even know, don't blame yourself.

-We can't die here. We can't!

Charles looked at the rising stern and suddenly a possible solution hit him.

-To the other side of the railing.

-What? We will fall Charles!

-No Robert. The stern will keep on rising, but if we are at the other side of the railing we won't fall into the water.

-Good enough for me. Come one Cora.

Carefully they took a strong hold of the railing and climbed to the other side. Charles covered Elsie with his body, letting her take a pretty strong hold of the railing and looked over his shoulder to see Cora and Robert in the same position, looking down to the water. The stern rose to an almost vertical angle, Elsie looked down to the water, with her eyes wide open and her knuckles turning white. She was scared for her baby; he or she was low in her hips, and she knew that if they didn't do something soon it would come without any help, in the railing of a sinking ship.

Suddenly they heard it. The sound of wood, crystal and metal breaking; they felt the boat shake violently and suddenly the stern started falling backwards. She had broken in half and it was falling back into the water. Elsie felt the air of the ship falling, but didn't let the railing go. When she finally collided with the water Elsie felt Charles move violently, but he didn't fall, they saw a tsunami of water coming from both sides of the broken ship and in no time it started sinking too. The stern rose again and quickly the water ate the remaining part of the boat.

-Charles!

-Take a deep breath and hold it Elsie. The water is going to be cold as hell, but we have to swim as fast as we can up to the surface. You understand?

-Yes. Yes, I do.

Elsie felt new tears filling her eyes; she kissed Charles and nodded, smiling up at him. She took a real deep breath when the water was only a meter away, and closed her eyes. The water was so cold against her skin, so cold it felt like daggers were ripping her skin off. She was taken off guard by this sudden change, but she tried to do as Charles had told her, fighting the force of suction from the sinking ship. She swam, and swam, contractions coming but feeling almost no pain, her body was numb, but she had to keep swimming. It was all dark, no one sure where they were. She broke the surface of the water and took a very deep breath, coughing.

-Charles! - She tried to stay afloat, moving her arms against the cold water, looking around.

-I'm here! Are you okay?

A very wet Charles swam to her, taking her in his arms. She was cold and her feet were numb. Cora and Robert weren't far, and both swam quickly to meet Charles and Elsie.

-Are you alright Elsie? How is Baby Carson?

-I'm cold. I can barely feel the pain.

-We have to find something that floats and see if we can get out of the water.

-What about that? –Robert pointed at a floating wooden panel from the Dining Saloon.

Charles nodded and swam to it, keeping an eye on Elsie. She was turning very pale, so pale she almost shone against the moonlight. They rested against the floating panel, but didn't get out of the water, it was too thin, and it wouldn't support the weight of any of them. Elsie was pushing and shaking, not very sure if the baby was actually coming out, her legs were numb too. Cora and Robert moved every now and then and kept close looks on Elsie, but Charles had turned very pale, almost blue, and was shaking.

-Come on Elsie, you are doing great.

-Hello?! – They heard the voice of a woman screaming. – Anybody there?! Hello?!

-Here!- Robert screamed and waved his arms.

One of the boats had come back, and it half empty. A woman was carrying a lamp and calling for them to keep talking, that they were almost there. When the boat got the wooden panel two strong woman took Cora out of the water and helped her settle on the boat, covering her with a blanket. The next one was Elsie, and they looked at her belly with worried faces, drying her and covering her with a blanket too.

-She… she… - They had taken Robert out and were now trying to take Charles, and he was stuttering so much they didn't know what he was saying.

-Her what sir? Who?

Suddenly there was a high pitch cry and Elsie rested her head against Cora's shoulder. She reached down and took the baby boy from the floor of the boat and held him close to her chest, covering him with her blanket.

-Oh my God! Let's go with the rest of the boats, there might be a doctor in one of them.

-Charles. – Elsie looked at her blue husband, who opened his eyes and looked at his son.- A boy

-I'm a father. – He was shaking badly, but some colour was returning to his blue cheeks.

-And we are alive.

-Thank you God. Thank you.

Elsie cried on his shoulder, keeping her son close to her, now warm, chest. Cora rested her head against Robert's chest, quiet, with her mind far far away. The sea of dead frozen bodies marked the place where the sea Queen had ended unexpectedly her journey. Elsie couldn't stand it, she closed her eyes, hiding her face in Charles' chest.

-It's alright, help will come soon.

-At this point I don't care, I'm just glad I'm alive. Does your watch still work?

-Yes. It's almost four.

-Look!

A big boat could be seen not far from their actual position, and the twenty boats cheered happily as help had finally arrived. It took the RMS Carpathia four hours and a half to pick up all the survivors, just 705 people, and by nine the last survivor was on board; they started moving. The doctor that was on board examined every single passenger and once they were free they were given accommodations according to which class they had been in in the Titanic. Even though the RMS Carpathia was meant for third and second class passengers for the first class passengers that had survived all they wanted was a warm bed, food and to set foot in America soon.

It took them three days to reach America, precisely New York. Elsie hadn't left her room; she didn't feel up to anything. She didn't want to see anyone; she just wanted to be with Charles and her baby son, Michael. Cora and Robert had got over the fact that they had almost died, and were trying to enjoy life as much as they could, even though it was hard. They didn't have anything, all their things laid now in the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, everything except two pictures, a locket and what they had been wearing when she sank.

The evening of the 18th of April they got to America, leaving the boat to be surrounded by the press and families who called for their loved ones. Elsie couldn't stand all the noise, the pictures, she wanted to leave, and she wanted to go back to England.

-Cora! Oh Cora!

The voice of a woman got to Elsie's ears and she saw Cora running to the open arms of a woman. They both cried and hugged, not wanting to let go.

-Oh mother, I'm so glad I'm back.

-I'm so glad you are alive. I'm very happy that you and Robert are alright.

-Mother, you remember I told you that I was bringing some friends, don't you?

-Yes. Are they okay? Did they survive?

-Yes. They are over there. – Cora pointed at Charles and Elsie, who were trying to get out of the press' path.

-Oh my, your friend looks as if she's going to faint, we better get here to the car.

Cora and her mother managed to safe Charles and Elsie and quickly got them inside the car, breathing in relief.

-It will be a long journey to Cincinnati, so try and rest.

-The longest journey of my life.

-Try and rest Elsie, you don't have to do anything. Mother, when we get there we will have to send a telegram to Downton, to tell them that we are okay, that we… survived.

-Elsie didn't. – Charles looked down at the sleeping form of his wife and son. – She's being consumed by the nightmares and the scenes. I don't blame her. I don't think she really has understood what has happened.

-I don't know if that's good or bad.

-As long as she doesn't turn her back on us.

-She needs us. This is much more different than a postpartum depression Charles. This is a matter of life and death, and being so close to the last one has her in a very deep shock. A very deep one. Who knows if she will ever go back to her old self.

Everyone looked at the pale shape of Elsie, trying to imagine what must have been running through her sleepy mind. Perhaps the thought of leaving Jane and Richard all by themselves, never seeing her sister again, lying dead, frozen, in the bottom of the sea. So many things were on her mind, and none of them made sense.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review.

Four days they had spent on the RMS Carpathia and they had been the worst four days of their lives. There had been a weird combination of people in their nightwear, others in ball gowns and very few who were actually properly dressed; all slowly starting to understand what had happened. The crew of the Carpathia had seen the worst scenes, silence had fallen over everyone, and some of the people had turned into spectres. No one dared to say a word, as if this disaster had silence all human emotions. The crew had gone down to the water in lifeboats to try and find more survivors, but the only thing that they found were fragments of wood, the cork from lifebelts, a slight brown discoloration in the surface of the water and the occasional deck chair. People waited to see if more survivors were found, waiting for a husband, brother, son or sweetheart that never came back.  
Grief settled among the survivors as the situation started sinking. In those four days they all lived together, and as they left the scene and approached New York people really started realising what had happened. The RMS Olympic, the sister of the Titanic, had turned around to assist the passengers, and as both ships approached New York they had ask the Carpathia if they wanted help, which they refused, thinking that an almost copy of the Titanic asking the survivors to board would terrify them. With that the Olympic turned and went back to Southampton.   
As the skyscrapers of Manhattan were seen through the fog and the rain the only sound they could hear were the bells. As the survivors left the ship the only sound that surrounded them was silence, the silence of death. The scene was so heart-breaking that some people broke into sobs and cries, but the flashes from the cameras seemed so inappropriate.  
* * *  
Screams, coldness, guilt. She couldn’t move, she was freezing, surrounded by death and water, slowly the strength was leaving her, she couldn’t swim; she couldn’t breathe. Suddenly she was alone, looking up to the surface as her body fell deeper and deeper into the water, everything turning black around her. The fear rose making her scream, but no one heard her, and as her last breath left her body she felt two strong hands, then, blackness.  
-Elsie! Elsie wake up!  
She opened her eyes to meet Charles’, not knowing where she was, what was going on, the memories coming back, hitting her.  
-Charles! We have to go! Charles!  
-Calm down darling, we are safe. We are in land.  
As Elsie started focusing she realised she was in a bedroom. She slowly remembered she was in America, in Cora’s house. She sat on the bed and saw that the sheets had fallen, that it was dark and she was in her nightgown, the only thing she had left. She looked up to Charles with tears running down her cheeks as she remembered her nightmare.  
-It’s alright darling, everything’d fine.  
-Why they don’t go away?!  
-Because they are part of us. But don’t worry, I’m here.  
-Where’s Michael? – She looked at the right side of the bed, where the crib should have been.  
-Sleeping soundly in the nursery. Cora and I thought that maybe it would be a good idea. Do you want me to bring him?  
-No. If he’s okay there.  
-I checked not an hour ago and he was sleeping like an angel. Why don’t you try to do the same?  
-I don’t want the nightmares to haunt me forever.  
-One day they will go, but for now we have to live with them.  
-I need air.  
She stood up without looking at Charles, leaving the room and walking down to the front door, opening it and stepping out into the cold night. She walked a few meters away from the door before sitting down on the floor. She hadn’t taken that nightgown off since the night of the accident, not wanting to leave the only thing she had left. The screams were ringing in her ears, and the feeling of coldness from the water still surrounded her.  
-Elsie. – At the sound of a female voice she turned her head to see Cora in her robe.  
-I was… I’m sorry.  
-Charles told me.   
-I hope I didn’t wake you.  
-It’s been hard to fall asleep since the incident. Who wouldn’t afraid to close their eyes and the next moment to be back in the ship?  
-I thought I was much stronger.   
-Elsie, you’ve been put to the limit, it’s obvious that something like this can break anyone. You have many more years behind you, and many more memories; crying after all this years doesn’t make you weak; it means you’ve been strong for too long. You need to cry, go ahead; you need to scream, do it.  
-I can’t stop hearing them. The screams over a sea of silence.  
-We all hear them. You’ve witnessed death in all its glory, and now you are trying to forget, but you can’t.  
-Why don’t you cry? Why can you get up every morning?  
-I saw my daughter dying, that makes you stronger, but I can assure you that I will remember this all my life.  
-I just want to go home, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to cross the ocean again.  
-Let’s not think about this today anymore, let’s go back to bed.  
-I needed to get out.  
-I know, but you can’t do this alone.  
Cora offered her her hand, and Elsie, after looking at it for a minute or too, took it and rose form the floor. They both walked back inside the house and Charles took her to bed, lying beside her, letting her cry on his chest.  
The next morning came, and Charles got up and faced the day, leaving Elise in bed. She had finally fallen asleep, and no more nightmares had come to her that night. Charles walked to the dining hall to find Cora, Robert and Cora’s mother having breakfast.  
-How is she?  
-Sleeping Lady Grantham.  
-They want us to go to New York.  
-Who?  
-The owners of the… of the Titanic.  
-Why? I don’t think Elsie could…  
-Carson, they want us to go because we are survivors. The captain of the Olympic will be there too.  
-Olympic?  
-It’s the twin sister of the Titanic. They want us to give some sort of speeches or talk about this. It might do well to Mrs. Carson.  
-I don’t its wise. She’s not able to get out of bed, how can she…  
-I will go.  
Elsie was standing in the doorway with baby Michael in her arms. She had washed her hair and it could be seen that she had washed and dried her nightgown.  
-You are up. Do you want a cup of tea?  
-That would be lovely.  
-How are you feeling?  
-Not very well, but I’m going to New York. I want to know a few things. When are we leaving?  
-This evening if it’s alright by you.  
-By me I would be leaving right now, I don’t have to pack.  
-About that, my mother has taken the liberty of buying you both new clothes. You don’t have anything else.  
-No Lady Grantham, we have nothing. Two pictures and a locket. That’s all we have left.   
-Then go and get dressed, wear whatever you want Mrs. Carson. I didn’t buy you many fancy clothes.  
-Thank you Mrs. Levinson. Do you have anything for Michael? He’s just wearing his diaper.  
-I’ll go with you and we can both get dressed.  
Cora took the tray of tea and accompanied Elsie to her room. The windows were open, and the coat and shoes that she owned were next to it, the salty water had left a mark on them. Cora helped her with a black summer dress.  
-I will ask my mother where the shoes are.  
-I want to wear mine.  
-They are ruined.  
-I want to wear them.  
-Alright. Don’t get angry.  
-I’m sorry. My nerves…  
Cora took the salt covered shoes and gave them to Elsie, who took them in her slightly shaky hands and looked at them.  
-Do you want me to put them for you? – She nodded.  
-They were a gift from my mother when I started service at Downton. She also gave me my blue dress, which is lying now at the bottom of the sea.  
-I didn’t know that.  
They arrived at New York the following day, an hour or so before the reunion began. The sky was grey, and it was cold; the reunion was taking place in front of the Statue of Liberty, where the press was as well as many unknown people. They sat in chairs, a small stage separating the survivors from the rest. The sound of the water made Elsie shiver, but she didn’t say a word.  
-Thank you very much for coming. – the major greeted them with a gloomy face. – I know that you have suffered great loses, and been here means the world to all of you. We know that today won’t bring those who have lost their lives back, but we want you to tell us who you are looking for, and perhaps answer questions. So, if any of you would like to come up here.  
The major waited, and waited, and waited. No one moved, they felt that this wasn’t how a situation like this must have been treated. There were cries, and silence, but no one moved. After fifteen minutes Elsie rose. The major smiled as he helped Elsie on stage. Journalists stood up but Elsie raised her hand telling them to sit down.  
-I won’t answer questions. I’m asking them. My name is Elsie Carson, and as many others here, I want to know why. Why did she sink? We were in for a wonderful journey and now… Why weren’t there enough lifeboats? I was one of the lucky ones who were rescued from the water, and I would give anything to forget that night. I want to know why everything I had is lying inside a ship that has sunk! For God sake’s I was in labor while the ship was sinking, and if they hadn’t come back my son, my husband, my friends, we would all be dead, frozen! All I have of my own is this nightgown, – She took her nightgown from her purse. – this shoes and this coat. Why do I hear every day the screams, the silence; why do I feel guilt from being alive; why do I have nightmares every night? I just want to know that. – Charles stood and tried to take her out of the stage, but she refused. – I have nothing left; if I had died I would have left two little children alone. Why the hell were we sentenced to die in the middle of the Ocean with no one to tell us that we would be alright?!  
Charles run to her and took her out of the stage when she started crying. No one took pictures, they just stared in silence. Elsie cried in Charles chest with Michael in her arms, sleeping, oblivious to what was happening.   
-She’s right. We should be able to answer all those questions. We should be able to say sorry. – A men from the public stood up looking at them. – I’m the Captain from the RMS Olympic, and my ship is available for anyone who wishes to go back to England. I want you all to know that it’s the twin sister of the Titanic, so if so feel you can’t, that seen it would be too much I’ll make sure there are other ships willing to take you back.  
-When is it leaving?  
-The 26th. We will be waiting for anyone who wants to go back home.  
-Thank you.   
-I want to say something.  
-Me too.  
-We all want.  
People started getting up, telling their stories, asking questions. Elsie looked at them with an amazed expression. They all were scared, there were very few more who could say that they had been in the water in the verge of dying, but still they were there. They got up every morning, and continued with their lives, not forgetting but still living. Elsie wanted to go back home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review.

Elsie looked down at Michael as he nursed, not being able to look up. They were about to board the RMS Olympic, but as they parked they had felt Cora tense a bit. The Captain hadn't been joking when he said that it was the twin sister of the Titanic, the dimensions were almost similar, maybe this one was smaller, but just a little bit. The process of picking up passengers was similar to when they boarded the Titanic: third class first, second and first class an hour before departure. Elsie had seen it through the window; Charles saw had her features darkened, and her eyes had unfocused, her mind drifting away.

Since the captain had told them they could go home in his ship Elsie had decided that she would go home, even if it meant getting boarding her worst nightmare. When Elsie felt that Michael was falling asleep she gave him to Charles and dressed. She had to admit that one of the things that had kept her going had been Charles and their son. He looked so much like Charlie, his beautiful eyes, his cheeks, he even had his beautiful curl, that curl Elsie adored; he was going to be tall, like his father, they both knew. Charles looked up to find a smiling Elsie watching them.

-See something you like?

-He looks so small in your arms. It's nice.

-I'm happy you are smiling.

-Haven't I done it lately?

-I'm afraid not.

-Well, I'm giving you the chance of making me smile in these five days until we get… home.

-If you let me.

-I'm asking you. I don't want to remember, I want to enjoy this. I know it's hard, but I want to stop crying. I really do.

-I will try my best to give you the journey you didn't get.

-I want to dance, I want to laugh.

-I can do that.

-Carson, let's go.

Elsie closed her eyes, took a deep breath and got out of the car. As they started walking towards the ship a sudden fear rose inside Elsie, making it hard for her to breath. She tried to shallow air, but it wouldn't get inside. Charles turned to her when he started hearing the gasps Elsie was making.

-I can't. I can't.

-Sit down. Elsie Sit down. Look at me. - Elsie sat on the floor and focused on Charles' eyes, breathing with him, slowly and calm. – In and out. Very good.

-I panicked.

-I know. If it's too much we can take another boat.

-No. This has to be the ship. It has to.

-Why suffer? I just don't understand why it has to be this one?

-I have to get over this, and I will if I get home in that ship. If I survive in an exact copy of… our death sentence… I think I will get better. I will stop having nightmares, or they will decrease and slowly the will fade away.

-Alright. Then hold my hand. We are in this together.

Elsie took another deep breath and stood up. Cora and Robert had been standing a few feet away, looking at the couple.

-She's a very dear woman, why has everything happened to her this few years? I was the first one and now her.

-I think we all have our bad years; soon good ones will come for her.

-Oh Robert.

They walked to the ship, not very sure if they had to show their tickets or not. Elsie had now Michael in her arms, with Charles hands on her shoulders.

-Tickets?

-We didn't buy any for this journey, we were told that we could…

-Captain.

-Lady Carson! Are these the friends you mentioned the other day?

-Yes, and I'm not Lady Carson, I'm Mrs. Carson.

-It says on the book that you are Lady and Lord Carson. Two first class cabins.

-Yes Captain. She's Lady Carson, but she's not used to it yet.

-Well, we've put you in the best cabins. Deck B, cabins B12 and B13, We've also assigned the best servants according to your financial status. I'm sorry, and I hope this journey back home makes smile.

-Thank you Captain. We mean it.

They walked through the corridors, slowly, giving Elsie and Cora time to get used to it.

-I never really thought about how beautiful she was.

-I'm sure her sister it's equally beautiful.

-I keep thinking it's the Titanic.

-Well it's not.

-Here we are. There's a private promenade, but not many people use it, you see the Promenade Deck is available for everyone, so there's many room. The Sitting Room, the Bedroom, the Wardrobe Room and the Bathroom are all decorated in Italian Renaissance. Your service is waiting inside. There's a crib in B13, but it can be moved around.

-Thank you

Elsie opened the door of the sitting room and entered it, followed by Charles, Cora and Robert, who closed the door. A footman, two maids, to lady's maids, two valets and an under butler were standing in their clean uniforms, looking at them.

-Good morning, I'm Mr. Wakefield, the under butler.

-How do you do Mr. Wakefield?

-I'll be in charge of dinners, breakfasts and lunches in case you wish to have them in your rooms. I've also chosen a lady's maid for both of you as well as the valets. Ms. Jameson and her brother will take care of Lady and Lord Grantham, and Mr. and Mrs. Nathgood will take care of Lady and Lord Carson. I hope you don't mind that they are married.

-Of course not. I'm a housekeep…

-She means she used to be a housekeeper before she married Lord Carson.

-All your things have been put away, and if you need anything at all please, ring the bell.

-Thank you, you can go. - As soon as Mr. Wakefield closed the door Elsie turned to look at the group.

-What the hell was that?

-What do you mean?

-I'm not Lady Carson, I didn't marry a Lord, I married the butler. And what did the Captain mean by that of my financial status?!

-We got a letter the other day from the bank. Anonymous people have given you money. You are millionaires now.

-We are what?

-Millionaires. You could buy Downton and run it yourselves.

-Why didn't I know that?

-We wanted to confirm it with the bank once we were in London. That's why we didn't tell you.

-You knew Charles?

-I did not. Does this mean we are no longer the butler and housekeeper of Downton?

-Of course not, unless you want to leave. You can now. You are one of us.

-So many things are happening. Look, we are going to forget about everything, and we are going to try and enjoy our way back home. Is that clear?

-Clear enough.

-Then, please let's choose a room and let me sleep. I've been sleeping better lately, but I'm tired.

-We won't disturb you, don't worry. You need the sleep. We can keep an eye on Michael.

-No, his father can do that. He's waited all his life to get a child of his own, well, while mum sleeps, daddy can take care of his little bean.

-Of course mother Carson. If you need anything send your lady's maid or the footmen.

-I sure know how to do that.

Elsie smiled, kissed his cheek and went to bed. A few minutes later Mrs. Naghgood came into the room, and after saying hello went to the bedroom.

-Is it me or does she seem happier?

-I think she's happier. Perhaps it's because she's going home, because she has realised this is not the Titanic. Maybe it's because Michael is alright. He doesn't cry much, he sleeps perfectly, he eats perfectly and he hasn't given us any scares. She feels she was able this time to protect her son.

-She feels safe?

-I think she does. Elsie is a mystery. And I love mysteries.

-I'm sure you do. Should we go and explore a bit, she how close it is to her sister?

Both mean nodded and left the room. Charles had Michael placed in his arms so he could look around. There were things that the Titanic had that her sister didn't, and some differences that made Charles feel as if he wasn't in the same ship. Apparently when they got to the Promenade Deck the ship had already left, so they could see New York getting smaller.

-You see my boy, this is the sea. You were born here. Death opened a path so you could come, and you have brought joy to your mum since that day. She loves you so much. We wanted you from the very beginning, and we prepared for you, not wanting to make any mistakes, and I think we've done a pretty good job. Perhaps mum hasn't been there as much as we planned, but there are things, you will learn when you grow up, that will happen without a warning and you can't avoid them. But you don't worry, we are here, and we will love you and protect you forever. Soon you will meet your brother and sister, and they will be delighted to see you. I can't wait until your mum wakes up so we can enjoy this trip back home. So you can see your home for the first time. England. It might rain a bit, but you will love it. You'll adore your crib, your room, our friends... I think this is what your mother would consider father-son bonding. And since daddy is hungry what if we go and have bite to eat.

Charles smiled at his son, who seemed amazed by everything that surrounded them. Cora and Robert watched him from a corner, and he turned around to go to the Café they followed him, letting him have his time with his son.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review.

-If I hear one more time that you say that I’m small I’ll make sure that every sharp object in this ship pins to our bedroom wall.  
-I didn’t mean it like that. All I wanted to say was that you are short, and that makes you cute.  
-Poison comes in small bottles Mr. Carson, and knifes in boxes.  
-Oh Elsie. I love you, and I would love you even if you were taller than me.  
-Try to make it right now.  
Charles rolled his eyes and looked down at his sleeping son that was lying peacefully in his stroller. They were walking along the Promenade Deck, enjoying the light breeze and the sun, the memories deep in her mind but not bothering her much. In the fourth day of the journey Elsie and Cora had spent all day walking up and down that ship, tense, and didn’t sleep that night at all, they both listened from their private promenade, waiting for the sun to come out. Around two o’clock Michael started crying, hungry, so Elsie run to her bedroom, picked him up and started feeding him.  
-Do you hear anything Cora?  
-No. But it’s early yet. We must wait.  
-Until four.  
-Yes, until four.  
-It’s unusually quiet.   
-Not really. You can hear the sudden laughs and people who can’t sleep walking around.  
-Are we really waiting for these two hours to pass?  
-Yes. Once they pass we will be able to enjoy this few days before we reach home.  
-So it’s not just me. You’ve been feeling that it’s the same.   
-Yes, but we can make new memories once we reach four o’clock.  
-It’s like waiting for a sentence. You are guilty you die, you are not guilty you still die. – Michael started fussing in her arms. – What is it darling? - She looked down to see that Michael had accidentally let the nipple go. - Alright, let’s go for the other one, okay my lad? It will take a minute don’t worry. – She quickly covered her left breast and helped him latch on her nipple, after which he started sucking happily.  
-He’s a very good baby.  
-He is. I want to do better this time.   
-You did great the first time.  
-I was away. I did not. Yes I was there, but my mind was somewhere else. I felt so overwhelmed by everything.  
-That was for a few months. They are almost three, and you’ve been there always. I remember how excited Carson was the day Jane said her first word.   
-I was in my Sitting Room, Jane was sitting on my lap, and Richard was playing on the floor. We were writing, and suddenly she called for Charles. Da she screamed when she saw him on the corridor. He was so happy he polished the silver twice that day.  
-And when they started walking?  
-Oh God. If Charles had been given the chance he would have cushioned the whole abbey. But I must admit we were both so proud. Seeing Richard walking from my arms to Charles’ in his nappy, laughing. I think if we both could’ve stopped time we would have done it right there. Everything was so happy, nothing to worry about, nothing to think about, it was just us.  
-Do you regret it?  
-Regret what?  
-Having gotten pregnant and marrying Carson.  
-Not a bit. Of course I’ve thought about how it would have been if the twins were Charles’, but some things don’t come right away. – She looked down at her son, who was falling asleep, closing his little eyes and no longer sucking hard enough to bring milk out.  
-You said you both had everything planned. How was Michael’s birth going to be?  
-We studied all the possibilities: my water breaking at home, in the middle of the night; at the abbey, in the kitchen, in my Sitting Room… we even thought about how we would do it if my water broke in the middle of the street. It was going to be calm, relaxed, at home, with Anna taking care of the twins.  
-Will you ever have children in a normal way? – Cora sat down in a deck chair with a few pillows.  
-I think three is a nice number. Besides, I’m fifty already, my child bearing years are gone.  
-No more Baby Carson’s?  
-I highly doubt it. If they come they come, but I don’t think they will.  
-It’s nice to have a pregnant woman in the house. It brings life.   
-Well, I’m sure Lady Mary or Lady Edith will be the next ones, I’ve covered that part of my life.  
-It’s ten minutes past four.  
-Really? – Elsie looked up to the clock as she covered her breast and placed Michael on her shoulder. – Nothing happened  
-No. I think we can now to sleep.  
-It feels odd.  
-What feels odd? – Cora had stood up and was walking to the door of her room.   
-We are alive, but we feel guilty. We don’t look at our lives like we used to, we worry now more, much more. Not about us, about our loved ones, the ones that came to our minds when we were mere minutes away from dying. How they must be feeling? Are they scared? Are they worried? Have they slept since the accident happened? It makes you think how odd everything is now that you are back in the sea, a few weeks after she sunk, and still… we get up every morning, we think about it, we get dressed, and that’s it. Life is a funny business.  
-Mrs. Carson, go to bed. You must be tired.  
-Yes. I think we both need the sleep. Goodnight My Lady.  
-You will never stop calling me My Lady, will you?  
-We must never forget our positions My Lady, and I think we’ve done it lately. Goodnight.  
Elsie closed the door of her bedroom, placed sleeping Michael on his crib and climbed onto bed. She rested against the pillows and covered herself with the blanket. She felt to strong arms around her waist, pulling her to the stranger.  
-I heard you talking with her Ladyship.  
-I’m sorry if I woke you.  
-You didn’t. When you left the bed was when I woke up. Michael had his very late dinner or very early breakfast like always?  
-Yes. He fell asleep while nursing, but he burped just alright.  
-I thought of you.  
-What?- She turned to place her head on his chest.  
-When she sunk I thought of you. I was so sacred for you and Michael. I would have given my life so you could have lived.  
-Well, my dear lad, we were lucky, and now that part of our lives is gone.   
-I also heard that of the children.  
-It was all true. I saw you polishing the silver twice.  
-I wasn’t talking about that.  
-Oh?  
-I think that if we try hard enough we have a fourth child.  
-Well, then you get pregnant.  
-Elsie, would you try to get rid of the baby if accidentally you fell pregnant again?  
-Of course not. I would carry it and give birth to it. I would never do that Charles. Not to your children. Now let’s go to sleep, I’m tired.  
-No wonder, you’ve been up since nine.   
-I’ve slept much less than four hours, I can survive, but I would prefer to sleep.   
-I love you.  
-I love you too.  
Elsie listened to Charles’ heartbeat, as she slowly fell asleep against Charlie’s warm chest with his arms around her. Charles’ looked down at the top of his wife’s head and watched her as she slept.  
-I would stop time right now. Never stop holding you. Never.  
Charles closed his eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to post the new chapter, but I've been writing future chapters and I must admit I had in mind finishing the story long ago, but I have tons of things in mind so... If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review.

The boat pulled into the harbour quietly, slowing down as she finally found the end of her journey in Southampton. The people that were waiting talked, but not as happily as you would normally see, for most of them were the families of the survivors, only a few were waiting for normal passengers. Elsie had little Michael in her arms, close to her chest, wrapped in a dark jacket fast asleep, making slight suckling motions with his small lips. Charles stood next to his wife as the boat stopped, finally, and the employees of the harbour got the boat ready so the passengers could get out.

-Elsie, are you alright?

-Yes… I just… we are home.

-We are. Everything’s over.

-You don’t know how much I want to go home and rest. I’m so tired.

-No wonder, these weeks have been so stressful for everyone. I just want to spend time with you and the children. Nothing else.

-I’m so tired. I want to cry.

-Save the tears for when you see Richard and Jane.

-My babies, they must be so scared.

-I’m sure they know we are alright, they must have told them.

-God I want to see them so much, we shouldn’t have left. We really shouldn’t have.

-Carson, is time to go. Cora is already waiting for us.

Charles placed his hand on the small of Elsie’s back as she started walking following Robert. Cora had her eyes set on something or someone at the end of the gangway; she quickly made her way to the end of it, with tears in her eyes.

-Mama!

-Oh Mary!

Lady Mary was crying, running to her mother and hugging her, hiding her head on her chest. Robert followed his wife, hugging his daughter Edith as she cried in her father’s chest.

-We were so worried.

-How did you managed? The survivors were mostly woman, how did you manage Papa?

-We will tell you everything once we are back at Downton, I’m sure you don’t want to hear the whole story here.

-And what about the Carsons, Mama?

-They are there – Cora turned to point at the elderly couple who were walking really slowly to the floor of the harbour.

-The Baby! Oh Mama, the baby is here!

-He was born the 15th of April.

-That was when…

-Yes. The children, how are they?

-Thomas has been taking care of them. Anna has been so busy with the house and Mrs. Patmore was so shocked, almost catatonic.

-What about grandmamma?

-She was worried, of course. She’s been staying with us since it happened. Carson. – Lady Mary looked at the butler and smiled, hugging him. –I’m so glad you are alright.

-I’m glad you were thinking of us My Lady.

-Have you seen Mrs. Patmore? She had the children. – Edith looked at the baby smiling and then turnrd to the crowd. - What a dear baby

-Elsie! – The cook run to the housekeeper with Jane and Richard next to her. She hugged the housekeeper tightly as she cried, and then looked down at Michael, who was starting to move in his mother's arms.

-Ma!

Charles took Michael from Elsie’s arms, hding him tightly and let her run to the kids, as she took them in her arms and cried hysterically. The children didn’t know why their mother was crying so much but were so happy to see her.

-Oh my lass and lad. I’ve missed you so much.

-We missed you too Ma. But something was wrong at the big house. - Jane kissed her mother's cheek taking hold of her coat.

-Oh, what my lass? - She cherished her daughter’s face, noticing how her auburns curls were slightly longer.

-A boat sank, and we heard that Lady and Lord Gwantham were in it.

-Where you with them Ma?- Richard hugged her sitting on the floor.

-That’s a long story my dear lad.

-Ma, where’s your belly? – Richard had his head resting against his mother’s breasts.

-It turned into a brand new baby brother for you.

-A bwothe?

-Brother, yes.

-Do you want to see him? – Charles looked at his family. Elsie was sitting on the floor, with Jane sitting on her lap and Richard was resting his head on his mother’s breasts. Elsie was crying silently resting her head on her son’s head.

-Yes!

-Once we are home you will be able to see him, Ma is very tired.

-Did you have fun in America?

-No, I missed you too much.

Elsie held her children close to her chest, crying quietly. They looked so grown up, she thought that she would never see them again, that her babies wouldn't grow with a Ma and a Da.

-Mrs. Carson, this came this morning, looks important. – Lady Mary gave Elsie a very big envelope and looked at the new addition to the Carson family.

Without disturbing Richard she opened it and read the first page, going through the rest quickly. She looked up and stared at her husband.

-What’s wrong? What’s going on?

-I can’t believe he did this.

-Who? What? Elsie? - Charles’ heart couldn't take much more of this.

-Do you remember what Cora said about us being rich now?

-Yes.

-It’s true.

-What?

-Let's go back to the Abbey, I'll explain everything once we are there.

Charles helped Elsie up with Jane and Richard running around them. Elsie took the baby in her arms; he was wide awake now, and started at the people around him, moving his head to rest it on his mother's chest. With the envelope in one hand they walked to the cars. The luggage was already there and Mr. Branson and Thomas where at the wheels, looking rather relieved to see them alive and well.

-We will arrange a room for you at the Abbey, so you don't have to go to the cottage, unless you want to leave.

-I think we will stay. After what I have to tell you we will have to.

-Is it that bad? - they got inside the cars, Cora hugging Edith lightly.

-It's not bad, it's unexpected.

-There are many hours ahead of us, are you sure you want to wait until we reach the Abbey?- Charles settled Jane and Richard in the car and closed the foor, looking at his wife.

-Alright. As a girl back in Argyll I was walking out with a farmer, you know him, but I was flirting, if that's how it can be described, with… with and English Lord that lived in Scotland.

-A Lord?!

-Yes, but there's more. Not long before I came to Downton he… He proposed, but I was young, and I didn't know how to be a Lady, so I run, and soon afterwards Joe proposed as well, and I got scared and came here. Things were going well here so I rejected both. Since that moment I stopped talking with Joe, but Frank took it rather well and we kept in touch. I told him about the house, the family, you, and he told me things about his boring life, as he used to call it. Well, when the Mr. Green incident happened he wanted to take care of him himself, but I asked him not to, then I told them about the twins, and he was so supportive. Obviously he was a very good friend, and he… He's dead now.

-Oh Elsie- Charles let her rest her body against his.

-It's alright, he didn't suffer much. He had been ill for a while, and apparently he didn't have any family so in his will all his money, the estate and the titles go to me.

-The Estate? The titles?

-Yes. Clan Brodie now belongs to me, as well as the title of Countess and Lady.

-But you weren't married to him

-Yes, I know. We are Lord and Lady Carson now, Count and Countess of Brodie.

-Was he really and English Lord? You own a castle in Scotland!

-He was born in Southampton, he was English.

-I don't believe it.

-Go through the papers yourself- she handed him the envelope without looking at him.

She turned her head to look at Robert and Cora, who were looking at her a bit surprised. Edith and Mary just couldn't really believe that their butler and housekeeper had turned into a Lord and a Lady in the course of one night.

-We really are Lady and Lord Carson.

-What you must think of me now.

-What do you mean?

-Flirting with a Lord for so long and now inheriting everything.

-You married me, not him. You made him happy all this years, and I'm happy you were such good friends.

-You can't run two houses. -Cora stared at Robert.

-Robert!

-You want us to leave My Lord? - the anguish in Charles voice made Richard hug his sister.

-Oh there's no need to call me My Lord now Carson. You have a estate now to run, and I don't think…

-Robert, do you want us to go?- Elsie wanted a direct answer.

-Of course I don't, but everything's different for you now.

-Robert, we can manage, I’m sure that after thinking and arranging things we can manage both houses.

-Do whatever you have to do. Think about it, once you have an answer, tell us.

-We will Cora. We don't have a choice.

Elsie looked at Charles sighing, rested her head on his chest and looked at her children, who had lost interest in what their parents were talking about and were now playing with their fingers. Michael had fallen asleep again with his fist in his mouth. Elsie thought she would find peace once she reached home, but everything was different all of a sudden, and she just didn't know what to do or how to react.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please

-Mama!

Robert got out of the car, helping Cora and run to Lady Violet, who was standing in the front door with Mrs. Crawley, obviously relieved to see her son once again. Robert run to her and hugged her, receiving a kiss on the cheek from her. Cora had Edith and Mary on each oh her sides, looking lovingly at her husband. Nanny stood inside the house with the three year old George and the almost four year old Sybbie.

-Oh Robert, what happened? We heard that an iceberg struck the ship. But that's ridiculous.

-I'm afraid it is not Mama. Why don't we go inside, and after Cora and I have settled in we can tell you everything with a cup of tea?

-Of course. -She let Robert get inside and then looked at Cora- My dear, I'm glad you are all alright.

-Thank you Mama. We can talk later, I'm tired.

-Robert is already upstairs, he looked worn out too.

Carefully and silently Jane and Richard got out of the car and stood there, looking at Anna, who had her heart on her throat, ready to burst. Elsie had fallen asleep and she was laying against Charles’ chest fast asleep with Michael sleeping soundly in her arms, with his fists gripping Elsie's coat and resting his head on her breasts.

-Love. - Charles whispered in her ear, hating having to wake her up. She snuggled closer to him, without waking up. -Darling.

-Hmmm

-We are here.

-Five more minutes Mrs. Arnold.

-Elsie, I'm not the former houskeeper.

-Oh Charles- she opened her eyes and looked down at her son. - You said that we are here?

-Yes I did

-Where are Jane and Richard?- she panicked.

-They are outside, waiting. Move so I can get out and then I'll help you.

-How long have I been out? - she sat properly looking out the window.

-A few hours, but it's alright, you needed the sleep.

Carefully and slowly they managed to get Elsie out of the car without waking Michael. Anna gasped when she saw her friend after all this weeks of anguish; she cried and looked at her husband, who smiled fondly at her and took her hands.

-Carson- he looked up from his child to see Lady Violet walking in his direction followed by Mrs. Crawley, who couldn't hide the smile for the baby.

-My Lady.

-I'm so glad to see that you amd your wife are alright.

-Thank you for your concern My Lady. As you can see we are fine.

-May I see the baby? -Mrs. Crawley got a surprised look from Lady Violet when she pointed at the small figure hiding from the light in the dark jacket.

-Of course, although he may wake up soon to have his lunch. -She took the jacket and gave it to Charles, exposing the freckled covered baby.

-Oh, look at him, he looks so much like Mr. Carson, except for the freckles.

-My curiosity demands it, when was he born?

-I don't know if Mrs. Carson feel up to…

-It's alright Charles. -She looked at Lady Violet- A few minutes after the boat sank My Lady.

-I hope that the people from the lifeboats helped you. -They walked to the door, Richard and Jane were running with Master George.

-We didn't get to the life boats My Lady.

-What? -She stopped right at the threshold.- My son and his wife…

-They were with us My Lady. We all stayed in the ship until she sank.

-What a horrible situation.

-It was My Lady. The worst I've ever lived.

\- Then come inside, join us for a cup of tea.

-As much as we love the idea My Lady, we have thingd to attend to.

-Well perhaps some other time.

-You should go one of this days to see Dr. Clarkson.

-We will. Thank you for asking My Lady, and thank you Mrs. Crawley for worrying about the child.

The Carson's got reassuring smiles from both ladies as Thomas closed the doors. It was warm inside the house, and the smell of fresh tea and biscuits welcomed Elsie and Charles as they made their way to the Entrance Hall.

-Charles, -The butler turned to the staircase to see Lord and Lady Grantham coming downstairs. -we will be having tea in the Drawing Room, so may use the Library.

-Thank you.

-We've also told Mrs. Bates to get the Blue room ready for you.

-Might it be possible for us to have a crib and two other beds sent up?

-For who?

-The children.

-Wouldn't they be more comfortable in the nursery as they have been all this weeks?

-I just want them around me, you understand that we almost… -She looked down at the kids who had grown tired of the journey and were with their father, yawning and resting their heads on his arms.

-Yes. I'll tell Thomas when he brings our tea.

Cora gave her a light smile before following her husband to the Drawing Room, looking as if she might burst into tears at any moment. She wanted to comfort her friend, but she changed her mind when she saw Mary and Edith walking to her.

-Dear, should we go up and change?

-I want to take care of everything before we go up, because if we go up I'm not coming down again until dinner.

-Mrs. Carson - Elsie turned to look at Thomas- may I have your coat? Actually I don't know how to address you anymore. Lady Carson, Mrs. Carson, Countess…

-I think we should stick with Mr. and Mrs. Carson fir now- she took her hat off and with the help of her husband she took her coat off without disturbing Michael much. - By the way Thomas, send a tea tray up to the Drawing Room for six and another tray up to the Library with two cups of tea and some snacks for the children.

-Of course. When are you coming downstairs?

-Later, we have have to do some things.

And with that Thomas walked away. Charles opened the door of the Library and held it open for Elsie and the kids. Elsie did look tired, and stressed, the lines in her face were all of a sudden very deep and the paleness made her look as if she had been sick for a while. The children sat in the couch, snuggling together close to the fire.

-Elsie, are you feeling alright?

-I'm tired, but you know that.

-I think we should leave this for the morning so you can rest.

-No, we need to sort this out. Sit down.

Following her he sat next to her and placed the envelope on the coffee table. Michael had woken up and was making fussing noises against his mother's chest.

-It's alright darling. -She unbuttoned her dress and her nursing corset; in a flash of light he latched on and started suckling soundly.

-Ma!

-What lass?

-The baby is eating from your breast! Does that mean we don't get to eat anymore?

-No my dear, he gets his food from here, but there's enough for you too. Would you like to look at him closely?

The kids moved quickly to their mother's side and looked at the blue eyed freckled covered baby that moved his fists hitting Elsie's chest lightly.

-He's so small.

-Well, he's a big baby compared to both of you when you were born.

-And does it hurt?

-What my lad?

-Him eating. Does it hurt?

-At first yes, but once you get used to it it doesn't. When you eat it doesn't hurt me.

-Ma, were you in the boat?- Jane and Richard looked wide eyely at their mother.

-Yes we were.

-But we heard that people had died!

-We are alright.

-You must have been very frightened.

-Da was with me, and he helped me and protected me. Now we are here, and there's nothing to worry about.

-What if Da hadn't been there?- Jane had tears in her eyes.

Richard hugged his sister and soon they were in their mother's embrace, all of them crying freely disturbing Michael. He fussed in her arms.

-Shhh, darling. It's alright.

-We promised you we would come back, and we've done it.

-Auntie Beryl looked like a ghost.

-Well, we are here, and that means that there's no need to keep talking about the boat, okay?

-Do you have bad dreams about it?

-Yes, but they will go, now, once Mr. Barrow brings our tea have your snacks and leave Ma and Da alone for a bit, because we have to do something very important.

-Do we go upstairs?

-No. You can play by the fire.

-Alright.

While Elsie nursed Michael, Charles got all the papers out of the envelope and placed them on the coffee table.

-Alright Elsie. Explain me everything. Where is this castle located?

-Near Argyll, at the west of Scotland. The mansion itself is very big, part of it was destroyed in a fire, but it was expanded not long ago, in 1875.

-What about the grounds?

-Obviously there's the garden, a lake and various farms.

-What do they do in the farms?

-One is a pig farm, another is a fox farm and the third one are stables.

-I see. How many horses?

-Around fifteen. Frank loved horses.

-It says here that we also have a house in London.

-Frank mentioned that he had a house in Oxford Street. He didn't go often, so probably it's closed.

-The service?

-There's the housekeeper, Mrs. O'Callaghan, the butler, Mr. Bellamy, then there's the cook, Mrs. Bolton. There are six scullery maids, as well as six footmen, three kitchen maids and two kitchen assistants. Four gardeners and two drivers.

-Didn't this man have a valet?

-Oh the valet, Mr. Carter. A very dear man, he's been in love with the housekeeper for ages. Everyone knows it.

-We will take care of the love affairs after know what to do.

-I think we should talk with Mrs. O’Callaghan and Mr. Bellamy, to know how things are done in the house and… and to know why he left everything to me.

-Then I should send them a telegram.

Elsie nodded. A nock on the door made Elsie take Charles’ jacket and cover herself; Thomas was carrying a tea tray with tea and two sandwiches for Jane and Richard.

-Thank you Mr. Barrow, leave it here.

-His Lordshio has asked me to tell you that Mrs. Bates has taken a crib and two beds from the nursery to the Blue Room.

-Thank you Thomas. By the way, we will be going downstairs tomorrow. We are tired.

-Of course Mrs. Carson. -Thomas closed the door quietly.

Elsie moved the sleeping Michael to her shoulder and with Charles help she dressed again. Richard and Jane were laying next to the fire, embracing each other, fast asleep, worn out from the journey.

-The family will be having dinner soon, so unless you are too tired we should wake them up and go upstairs to change.

-I'm really tired, so I think Mrs. Patmore could send a tray up.

-I'll take the beans.

Charles shook them a bit and after they were standing he took them both in his arms and followed Elsie out of the room and up the stairs.

-Mrs. Carson. -Anna call her with a smile on her lips.

-Hello Anna.

-We were really worried about you.

-Well, we are fine.

-Something came for you a few days ago. We kept it in case… Well, it's in your room. I’m very glad to see you too Mr. Carson

-Thank you Mrs. Bates. We appreciate it.

-Then I shoukd be going.

-Tell Mrs. Patmore to send a tray up with our dinner.

-I will Mr. Carson.

Curiosity rose inside Elsie, so sh walked quickly to the room and opened the door.

-Put the children to bed while I put Michael.

-I'll go downstairs later and send the telegram.

-He didn't change anyone.

-Who?

-Frank, he has kept the same people since I met him. Perhaps Mr. Carter is courting the housekeeper after all.

-You really want them to get married. -Charles finally finished buttoning Richard's pyjamas and covered him with his blanket.

-They are made for each other, just like us.- she undressed herslef abd took her nightgown and a robe and sat over the covers of the bed, taking a package in her hands that came from the White Star Line. -It's from the owners of the Titanic.

-Then we should open it, shouldn't we?

Slowly she unwrapped the package. She closed her eyes as tears run down her cheeks; there, in her hands, laid the baby blanket that Lady Cora had given her for the twins, and next to it the dark blue dress her mother had given her when she had come to Downton. The only thing ger mother had been able to give her. She wrapped her arms around them and cried.

-I don't believe it, how did they…?

-I… I don't… know, and… I don't… care…

-Give me the blanket.

She handed him the baby blanket, walked over to the crib and placed it covering Richard with it. Then walked back to the bed and held Elsie in his arms as she cried hugging the dress.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to add something to this story, ideas or things you want to happen tell me in the comments or send me a PM and I will see if it can be added. Please review

Charles opened the door and found Elsie still asleep in bed, the room dark and the chimney fading slowly. Jane and Richard were already upstairs with nanny in the nursery, but Michael laid in his crib, awake looking at the flames, bewitched.

-Well my little man, what are you doing awake? Waiting to see if Ma wakes up to have a very late breakfast?

-Ma is awake, but she's just lying in bed. - Elise had been awake since she heard the door opening, but she didn't want to open her eyes.

-Well, I was coming to get you. It's past eleven.

-So late?- Elsie sat in bed running her hand through her hair.

-Yes, but it's okay. How are you feeling?

-Rested. I think it's the first night I finally was able to sleep all through without having any nightmares.

-Really? -he picked Michael wrapping him in the blanket and walking to his wife, sitting on the bed.

-Yes. I feel better. I remember everything, but I don't get scared anymore. Where are the children?- Elise took Michael in her arms and Charles took the chance to remove his jacket.

-With nanny; they've settled into some sort of routine of going up to the nursery to play and study a bit.

-Study?- She removed part of her nightgown and started nursing him.

-They try and write letters and read books. Obviously they don't get very far. And before I forget, a telegram came this morning, and Mrs. O'Callaghan and Mr. Bellamy left Scotland yesterday evening and got a train to come here. They will arrive around lunch time.

-Then help me get dressed so we can start with the sleeping arrangements.

-Anna has done that already. They will be staying in our old rooms.

-Then what am I supposed to do?

-Go through the books and see how things have been going this weeks we've been away. I've already scolded James for not cleaning the silver properly, there were scratches.

-Do you know that it might be possible that you won't have to clean it anymore if we decide on becoming Lady and Lord Carson full time?

-I'm sure that wathever you decide will be the right thing. For now let's go on like always. I've already explained the situation downstairs so I expect the best behaviour from them, but I didn't tell them about the Inheritance.

-Don't be hard on them lad, after all they weren't there.

-They behaved when Lady Sybbil died, and when Mr. Crawley sadly passed away, so I expect them to behave in this matter.

-My stern butler is back. I missed him.

-And I hope he won't go away unless I'm alone with you. - he kissed her cheekly smiling.

-Should I tell nanny to take Michael too?-she moved Michael to her shoulder and quickly covered her breast.

-I don't think you will be going up and down the stairs today, so whatever you want.

-I think I'll keep him with me for a bit more, he's my baby after all.

-Don't let the children hear you or they will get jealous.

-No they won't. Now, help me get dressed, we have a house to run.

-Should we call Robert and Cora - Charles took Michale and puthim in his crib as Elsie stood up and walked to the bathroom, not bodering to close the door. - by their given names or My Lord and My Lady?

-What is more proper for our station?

-Our station has changed, but I think we should stick with My Lord and My Lady, unless you want Lady Violet to suffer a heart attack from listening to any of us call them Cora or Robert.

-Keep everything as it was before we received the envelope, no? - she came out of the bathroom, her hair done, struggling with the corset.

-Exactly. No so tight love, I don't want you to hurt yourself.

-Always taking care of me. Could you hand me the blue dress?

-Your mother's?

-Yes.

Black stockings came before the dress. Elsie took the fabric in her hands, smelling the dress and after a few minutes she put it on.

-Why did you smell it? - he helped her with her shoes.

-If I do it for long enough I can still smell my Ma.

-Even after it has been for I don't know how long in the sea?

-Probably is not real, but I like to think so. Shall we go downstairs and have a bite to eat?

-Is my housekeeper hungry?- he kissed her cheek as she took Michael in her arms again, changing his clothes quickly.

-Oh yeah, she is. How was Anna?

-She looked really happy.

-Perhaps she's with child.

-That I wouldn't know I’m afraid. Why don't you ask her?- he closed the door and followed her to the staircase.

-She would make a wonderful mother. She's so sweet and loving.

-Oh Mrs. Carson! I'm delighted to see you well rested this morning.- Lady Mary came out of the Drawing Room with the newspaper in her hands.

-I slept quite well My Lady, thank you.

-You can call me Mary, after all your station has changed.

-We've decided on carrying on as before our stations changed so we won't unsettle the whole house.

-Oh, but everyone knows, even the staff; Mama and Papa went downstairs this morning to tell them. Tom and Mrs. Crawley were rather exited about it, and granny had a halo of pride around her that made her almost glow.

-Pride?

-She said that you would both make excellents Lords, you know how to run a house so you wouldn't have any sort of trouble. At first she was rather shocked but she was delighted.

-We still don't know if we are going to accept the Inheritance.

-You could live here if you don't want to move to Scotland.

-You mean live in our cottage?

-Or in Downton. By the way, Granny wants to invite you to dinner tonight.

-Looks as if you have already made up your minds about us.

-As much as we would love to keep you as housekeeper and butler you are Count and Countess.

-So we have to leave our jobs?

-Mary, please. -Lady Violet came through the front door without any of them knowing.

-What have I done now?

-They have to choose by themselves. And they could perfectly accept the Inheritance and keep their jobs here. Times are changing; I can't believe I'm the one having to tell you this.

-You would approve of a Lady and a Lord being our housekeeper and butler?!

-I belive that Lady and Lord Carson are more than capable of running two houses at the same time. Besides I've already met Mrs. O’Callaghan and Mr. Bellamy and they seem very capable of running Clan McNally.

-Where did you met them?- Elsie looked at Lady Violet with her eyes wide open.

-They were waiting outside.

-Then you must excuse me.

Quickly Elsie made her way to the door and opened it single handed to find an old couple standing in the front yard with the luggage on the floor. The woman was more or less like Elsie in the matter of height, but she had white curly hair, prominent rosy cheeks and stunning dark violet eyes; the man that stood next to her had a thick white moustache and short white curls all over his head, a thin nose and deep green eyes. She wore a black long skirt that matched with the over coat and the hat, but wore red gloves; the man in the other hand wore a dark jacket over a white shirt,a red and blue kilt with the sporran and instead of a coat he wore a tartan scarf, knee length red and blue woollen socks with half calf lenght black boots. Elsie smiled and breathed in relief.

-Mrs. O’Callaghan, Mr. Bellamy, you don't know how glad I am to see you.

-So are we My Lady- her brogue so thick it made Elsie shiver happily. She hadn't heard a real Scottish accent since the last visit from Dr. Clarkson, and even so it wasn't as thick as Mrs. O’Callaghan's.

-Please do come in, how was your journey?- Elsie opened the door more to let them in.

-It was very nice My Lady- Mr. Bellamy's voice was deep and the brogue even thicker, as if he hadn't used english in a long time, just the gaelic of the Highlands.

-How has been life?

-Oh, well, Mr. Bellamy got married, My Lady.

-He did? When?

-Shortly after you did. - Mrs. O'Callaghan placed her luggage on the floor, the soor still open.

-To whom?

-The cook, finally.

-How long have you been waiting to tell me?

-Since we left Scotland, My Lady.

-And to take my revenge, Mrs. O'Callaghan has been courted by Mr. Carter, the valet.

-This is getting even better. Any other love affairs? Any illegimate children? Undercover marriages? Just to know how many more scandals I have to take care of. I take care of the ones from this Servants Halls, so...- Elsie looked so at ease, calm, happy. That was when Charles finally understood what Frank and everyone under the roof of Clan McNally meant for his wife; they gave her life, they made her remember home and feel as if she hand't left the highlands.

-With your permition I'm going to drop a bombshell. - Mrs. O'Callaghan looked at Mr. Bellamy smiling, wickedly. - Now that you are here, and you can't escape me Craig... Let's create tension first.

-Just drop it Adelaide, I don't have all the time in the world.

-Maggie is with child.

-What?! Why didn't she tell me?!

-She wanted to wait, but I've done the job for her.

-Maggie Bolton?- Elsie had forgotten to close the door in the shock of the moment, smiling happily and looking genuily happy for the first time since the sinking of the Titanic.

-Maggie Bellamy now, My Lady. - Craig truned back to face Adelaide. - Why didn't she tell me?

-She's not twenty anymore- she looked more serious now. In the background Mary and Charles chatted and looked at Elsie. - and she didn't want you to take your hopes up in case the child didn't make it.

-I know the feeling. When I got pregnant with Michael I waited for two whole months before telling everyone.

A light cold breeze made its way through the door making Elise turn and walk to it, closing it, but a foot blocked it. Confused, Elsie opened it again.

-Hello, Mrs. Carson, good to see you. Have you missed me?

-Mr. Green


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any suggestions please mention them in the comments or send me a PM so I can see if they can be added to the story. Would love reviews. ;)

Everything suddenly came back to her mind, the pain, the blood... everything. Charles saw how the blood had drained from her face, and her knees where suddenly extremely weak. He run to her, supporting her with his arms and covering little Michael. Mr. Green stood on the doorway with a black coat and hat, a disgusting smile on his face.

-Care to introduce me to that new member of the family?

-What are you doing here?- Charles didn’t let Elsie go, as he barcked at Mr. Green.

-Why being so rude Mr. Carson, I might have to complain about your behaviour.

-Go away. You don’t have any right to be here.

-Oh, but I do. Two rights actually.

He took a few steps into the Hall, Charles walked backwards with Elsie and the child, Lady Mary and Lady Violet ready to jump if needed to protect Michael. Adelaide and Craig weren’t very sure what was going on, but they had to protect their lady, so they would punch that Mr. Green of the egg like face if they had to or were told to. For Charles and everybody in the Hall it was just a matter of questions why he was there, but for Elsie it was remembering, going back to the same spot were he had raped her in that same house. It meant to relive in her mind every single step of that night, and the events that followed it. It meant to be aware of the scars in her body and the scars in her mind and her heart, how he had used her without her permission as if she had been some sort of object. It meant to remember that Richard and Jane weren’t Charlie’s children.

-Why those serious faces? As if I were a ghost.

-You are. -Elsie whispered those words with all the pain that she could master, turning her head. Michael felt the stress and the atmosphere, so he cuddle against his mum's chest.

-If I were I would be haunting you my dear, just you.

-You are a ghost. You were hanged, you are dead and buried six feet under.

-Everybody thinks that I was hanged, but it’s obvious that I wasn’t. I’ve been living as a king in Russia for a few years, someone got me out. Some people, important people, made Gillingham admit me as his valet again, and of course all the charges against me were dropped. I’m a free man and I’ve come to claim what is mine.

-Nothing here is yours, so go away.

-I thought you were smarter Mr. Carson. Your wife for instance, is not yours. Someone might have talked with the church, and you might be living in sin. In the eyes of justice adultery is not very nice my Elsie. And as for your children, I know they are mine, so I've come for them too.

-No they are not.- the scottish accent of Dr. Clarkson came from behind Mr. Green.

-And what would you know, you can’t guess. -he turned around, obviously bothered by the doctor's appereance.

-No, that is true, bu lt dates do not lie, and when you did what you did to Mrs. Carson she was already pregnant. You could have killed them, you could have killed the three of them, thank God that I was able to save them.

-I don’t believe you, she couldn't have been with any other person. And I did what husband's do to their wives, for your information.

-Ask any doctors, give them the calendars and they will tell you just what I’ve told you. Now, do please go, you have no bussiness here.

-I’ve come for my wife.

-You have no wife here, and I know it because I’ve heard what you have tried with the church, and it hasn’t worked.

-Of course it worked! I got the papers that say that she is my wife, and she is having an affair and children with another man!

-It didn’t, just go to the priest and they will tell you. The church takes very seriously the charges of rape and murder, and I have people in the high stands of the Church that can assure me that Elsie is Charles's wife. Now, get out before I call the police.

-This is not it, it’s not over. I will have what is mine.

-It is. Go away.

Mr. Green looked one more time at Elsie before storming out of the Hall slamming the door. Elsie let out a whimper and buried her face on her husband's neck. She thought everything was over, that all this Mr. Green business was over, but now it was all here all over again, and she just couldn’t bare it anymore.

-It’s alright Elsie, what Dr. Clarkson told him will keep him away for a bit. That will give us time to think. By the way, thank you for lying to that men about Richard and Jane.

-You are welcome, but I didn’t lie Mr. Carson. Your wife told me, when she discover about Michael, that before the incident you and her had spent just one night together. After you had both drank a bit more of what’s recommended, and I’m a hundred percent sure that the children are yours and not Mr. Green’s.

-Are you... -Elsie looked up at him with a shocked expression and hope in her shaky voice- Are you sure?

-Richard has Mr. Carson’s nose and his little curl as well as his knees and ears and he will be as tall as his father, and Jane has the same shoulder complexion as Mr. Carson. I’m a hundred percent sure that that night was the responsable for those two little children.

-Then Mr. Green has nothing to do with...

-Absolutely nothing Mrs. Carson.

-Oh God. -she smiled in relief as Charles tried to shallow the fact that he was indeed the father of the twins. He was the father of three all of a sudden, and he couldn’t believe it. He had two little boys and a little girl.

-Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you.- he smiled like a fool forgetting the anger of the previous moment.

-I was going to tell you soon, but I saw Mr. Green in town and at first I didn’t think it was him, after all the whole village thought that he had been hanged, but I couldn’t miss that limp when walking and the scar on his neck. I walked to were he was and when I saw that it was him I knew that he was here for some reason. He was sending a postcard to Russia and he mentioned something about Downton and after he sent it as urgent he left. I followed him here and when I heard that he was going to claim you and your children as his I decided that I had to say something.

-So he can’t do anything to me and my children?- Elsie was feeling a bit of that weight on her shoulders beginning to lift a bit.

-Nothing at all. We could get him in jail for trying to seduce a married woman or something like that.

-That’s so wonderful! -Cora came out of the Library with Robert a few steps behind her. She had the biggest smile on her face Elsie had ever seen and run to hug her even though Michael was lying in his mother’s arms a bit confused but a bit less stressed -You can put it all behind you now.

-Not exactly but I can try.

-I’ll make me sure that he never steps on this grounds again. Won’t we Robert?

-I owe my life to you Carson as well as my wife’s so you can count on it.

-Thank you so much My Lord.

-Isn’t that the name Master McNally mentioned in the reunion before he died?-Adeleide was sitting on her luggage looking at Craig with her hat in her hands.

-He told you about this?- Elsie turned to look at the butler and housekeeper.

-Of course he did. He adored you, and we were like his family, we were the only ones he could talk to. There was nobody else in the house most of the time.

-But I left so many years ago, he coudln't possibly adore me anymore.

-He never stopped loving you, My Lady. Never. He never married and he never thought about betraying you, even if you were in love with the butler. He knew that you are a woman of adventure, and he knew that you wouldn’t like being a housewife at all. You were his world, and he never asked anything from you, and he wouldn’t have. He would have given his life so you could have married your butler, so imagine how angry he was when you told him that that man had hurt you like that. He was so angry that he even talked with the Royal Family so he could be hanged as soon as a sentece was given.

-I never thought that he still loved me.

-My Lady, you were his whole life, and he waited until he knew that you were alright after the sinking of the Titanic to die. He couldn’t leave without knowing if you were dead or alive. Before he died he told us to protect you, to take care of you in his behalf, because he knew that you had suffered too much.

-He saw me buring my mother with my own bare hands, and he still loved me.- Her lip trembled as she remembered her beautiful mother.

-You buried your mother?- Charles took Michael and guided her to a chair.

-It’s such a long story, and we have work to do.-she wasn't sure if this was the right place and the right people, it was such a private part of her life.

-Please, tell me. I love you, and I hate to know that there are things in your life that I don’t know about. Of course you can have secrets, but you know I will never ever judge you for what happened before I even met you.

-Alright.-she took a deep breath.- As you know my father died in a an accident in the farm.

-Yes, I do know that. Awful accident with a tree.

-Yes. Well, my mother couldn’t take care of the farm all by herself as well as two little girls, so she married a man that used to be a friend of my father. At first it was perfect, he was very sweet and he helped a lot, but he started drinking, and he got aggresive as time went by. He hurt my mother many times, bruising her and even breaking a few ribs and twisting her wrists, but he never touched Becky or me, not hntil I turned sixteen. It was then that he tried many times to... to sleep with me. Of course I always refused and managed to escape. Because of Becky's problem he used to bully her pschycologically by insulting her and making fun of her. Then the day before I came to Downton he was arguing with my mother, and he got really really angry so hit her with a hammer in the head. She was lying on the floor with blood pouring out of her wound, and the only thing he did was take a bottle of brandy and leave the house. I was in shock, I had been hiding in another room, watching, and I knew that he wouldn’t come back for many hours or even days, so I cleaned the blood and took care of her wound. She was dying in my arms, and the only words that she said were. “I love you, be safe, be strong. I can see your father. Love Becky” and with a smile on her lips she died in my arms. Her face turned pale after a few minutes, and I saw how the light in her eyes dissapeared. She didn't close them, she just was staring at nowhere as her lips turned blue, her rosy cheeks dissapeared and her whole body became a huge block of ice. I cried, as I hadn’t cried before in my life, but I dressed her with her prettiest dress, washed her face and brushed her hair before carrying her to where my father was buried. Once there I placed her gently in the floor, talking to her and crying. I knew she couldn't hear me anymore, but the pain felt less when O did it, so I dig a grave for many hours without a shovel and since I had no box, I actually didn’t have a thing, I managed to build one with some good from the farm and I buried her with my own hands next to my father. She had never looked so beautiful in her life, with a light pink dress on her and a white bow at the end of her braid. It used to be the look my father always liked. I went back to the house, packed Becky’s things, mum’s things and my own, and took my sister to a friend of my mum’s. She promised to take care of her, and that she wouldn never let my stepfather come near her, then I went to Joe and told him that I wasn’t going to marry him, I took my things and mt mum's and told Frank the same. Then I bought a ticket in the station and came here. From what Frank told me in his letters after I had left,he had seen me bury my mother, so he unburied her and put her in a fine coffin, a wooden one, but properly built, before digging a proper grave for her next to Da and buring her in a private ceremony. He knew that I couldn't go back, not just yet.

-Did that really... Oh God, you looked so far away that day, and so dirty. I wouldn't have approved of you at all, but your skills were so good for Mrs. Arnold. If I had known all this back then I wouldn't have treated you roughly.

-I didn't change my clothes. I did clean the blood, but that was it. I think that back then I really loved Frank, but you came along. I actually felt that you being rude and rough was making me stronger, and I was trying my best to let all my anger and pain out in my work. I think I did pretty good because you never complained about me.

-You’ve never had an easy life.

-Never. I just wanted love, and support, and to leave all the pain behind. You managed that Charles. In a very weird way, that is true, but you did.

-Because I love you, I've always done it, and I’m sure that if you had said yes to Frank you would have been very happy as well. 

\- I had to leave, you undestand. 

-Of course I do. It had been all so sudden and so painful. I’m sure that it was the best thing to do. 

-I want to go back one day and visit their grave. They deserve it. They really do.

Tears started falling and running down her cheeks. Resting his head against her’s he wiped them away and kneeled in front of her. He could feel the pain pouring out of her, all the pain and anger that had been stored away somewhere deep in her heart.

-We will go. We will spend as much time as you want there. The children deserve to know their mum's land and to visit their grandparents. And you deserve to let them know that everything is fine, and that you are safe and strong.- She calmed down after a few minutes and took Michael in her arms, who had fallen asleep after all the previous exciment.

-I honestly didn’t think that telling you this could make me feel so free.- Her eyes on her baby. The little nose, the still a bit red eyelids, really small blond eyebrows, long black eyelashes, chubby cheeks, pouty and small rosy lips, all of him covered in freckles with his hands in fists and his slight curly auburn hair a bit caotic make her feel how fragil she had been so many years ago, and how know she had three fragil little babies to protect and bring up.

-It will get better, and soon it will be just a memory. Let’s try and go back to what we had before and how life was before.

-The good all days, no daddy?-she smiled at him as she heard footsteps leaving the Hall. Cora, Robert, Dr. Clarkson, Mrs. O'Callaghan and Mr. Bellamy had left and were now in the Library enjoying a good glass of Scotch.

-Suddenly I’m the father of three, and I thought that it had just been one of the best nights of my life.

-A few whiskys and a few brandys in the fair and we created two lives without knowin it.

-I thought that nothing had happened between you two before you had got married, Carson.- Lady Violet was taking Adeleide’s coat in her arms from the luggage to put it in the coat rack, looking at Charles with an expectant look.

-I’m sorry My Lady, we had a lovely night that we weren’t going to say or mention anything about. It was going to be just a night, a one night stand, nothing more.

-Well, it has worked in you favour Carson. I must admit that I’m rather fond of you two, and to be honest, I think I might have to teach your wife how upstairs works. She’s not used to it, but I’m sure that she will learn quickly. 

-You don’t feel that it was inadequate and totally out of line My Lady?- The shock in Charles's face was so unusal, just as much as hearing Lady Violet say that she was fond of a servant.

-Oh Carson, of course it was, but who am I to judge when it is saving your life and your wife’s as well as your children’s. You are too excited, Carson, acompany me to the Drawing Room to have a cup of tea. We have so much to discuss. You too Mrs. Carson. Being an upstairs could also help you with this Mr. Green issue. Who would try to trap or imprison a Countess?-She walked gracefully to the door of the Drawing Room, Lady Mary still standing like a fool in the centre of the Hall.-Come on Mary, I'm not going to teach Mrs. Carson how to become a lady all by myself. Ask Mr. Barrow to bring a tea tray up.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, but I had really important exams and now that I've finished I can update regularly. If there's anything you want me to add to the story please, send me a message or tell me in the reviews. Thank you :)

-Run! I mean it; RUN!  
She was nothing more than a white shadow, her skirts sweeping the floors filled with water. Suddenly that water turned red, darker as she kept running, screams surrounding her, but she couldn’t understand them. She felt hot, it was hot around her, but she was freezing as well. In a corner she found her children, the three of them covered in blood. She run to them, run as fast as she could, but they disappeared all of a sudden and out of the blue she found herself falling, and falling, until she fell into the very well-known icy waters. She swam, and swam, and to her surprise two strong hands grabbed her wrists and pulled her out. But they were too strong for her liking.  
-I hope you’ve learned your lesson. - Elsie coughed the water out of her lungs and stared at Mr. Green. - Answer me!  
-Yes!... yes…- she cried, her tears burning her cheeks, but he didn’t seem to see them, he just smiled at her and drained the water from the tub.  
-Now, I want you to dry yourself and come back to our bedroom.  
-I have to put the children to bed.  
-They can do it on their own. You will come back to our bedroom and we will discuss what you did today.  
-Please Carl, there’s a storm outside, and they are scared.  
-I don’t care! – He slapped her hard and walked to the bathroom door. - Dry yourself and come back to our bedroom. That’s a bloody order!  
He slammed the door closed, leaving her on her own. She tried to stand up but found she had no strength, so the only thing she did was cry. She hugged her legs and cried for several minutes until she heard him call for her.  
-I’m… I’m coming!- she managed to stand up and make it out of the tub before she dried herself and put on another nightgown.   
With shaky hands she opened the bathroom door to find him sitting on the bed, the door locked.   
-Come here. Sit down. – Her legs felt like led, but she made it to the bed slowly. - Now, you’ve made me look like a fool and a murderer today in front of the court.  
-But you are! Charles is my rightful husband, and that’s what the judge said.  
-Shut up! SHUT UP! - He stood up and started pacing the room. – Obviously the court is wrong, you are mine, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.  
-You kidnapped me and my children. The must be looking for you.  
-No, they are not. The car is lying at the bottom of the river, so everyone will think we are dead.  
-No, Charles will know. You won’t get away with this.  
-Who says it? You? I’m going to show you what I can get away with. – He picked the belt from the chair next to the window and slowly approached her. She slid away from him and jumped off the bed. A knock on the door made both look away.  
-Yes?  
-Mr. Bromwood, there’s a group of Russian men who want to talk with you.  
-I’ll be out in a minute Mrs. Sarroll.  
After the footsteps had dissipated and they couldn’t be heard anymore he turned to look back at Elsie.   
-I’ll be back in a moment. When I return I want you naked in bed. And don’t try anything foolish or I will kill the children and then you.  
He put his belt on as well as his jacket and left the room, locking the door. Elsie looked around and run to the window. Her children’s room was at the other side, but she couldn’t see any lights there. The rain was heavy and the thunders were getting closer. There was very little time. She put her dress on and her shoes, catching her coat as she made her way back to the window. Without thinking she opened it and after looking down she climbed out. The wall was very slippery, and there was not much where Elsie could place her feet for support. Without knowing what she was doing she stopped gripping the windowsill and fell to the next window below her. Thankfully the room was empty, but the window was no great support. She gripped the wooden windowsill with all the strength she could master until she found room for her feet. Looking down she found herself two feet away from the floor, which was covered in grass and flowers. Taking a deep breath and looking back at her window she jumped. She hit the hard floor a few seconds afterwards and after regaining some of her breathing back she stood up. She felt a sharp pain on her left side and thought that perhaps she had broken a rib or two, but she couldn't let that stop her. Quickly she made it to the other side of the hotel, her clothes soaking wet and her legs bleeding slightly from the scrapes the wall had caused. She found a mountain of little rocks near the building; she picked them up and with great caution she threw them at the window. No answer came, so she threw another one. A strong thunder made her jump and almost scream, the stones falling to the floor. She looked around and even though it was dark she managed to make out a form, a small form in some bushes not far from where she was standing.  
-Jane? Richard? - She called out but no loudly enough to be heard at the other side of the building, where the lights of her room were still on.  
The form had stooped walking so she called out again. To her surprise it turned and run towards her. A lightning broke the dark scenery and for the first time since they had been kidnapped she saw her daughter with Michael in her arms running.  
-Mum! - The poor dear was crying, and she wondered if they were because of the storm or because she was happy to see her.  
Jane crushed into her mother’s arms, Michael tucked inside three blankets. Elsie hugged her daughter for more than what was necessary and after another thunder had broken the quietness she pulled away from the embrace and looked at her, taking Michael and covering his face form the rain.  
-Are you okay? Where's your brother?  
-He's hiding. He found a small abandoned car not far from here. We were making a plan to get you out; I was looking around trying to see any possible back doors or something. At least that’s what he said  
-Well, I'm here, no need for a plan. Take me to your brother; we have to get out of here before he sees that we are all gone. Come on.  
With Elsie's hand on her back Jane started walking into the woods that were near the hotel. Before entering them she turned her head slightly and saw a figure in her room. "Try and find us now" she thought before following Jane. It was really dark, only the occasional lightning brought some light. She felt as if she had been walking for hours, and every little noise, every shadow made her look around her afraid he might be following them. Suddenly they came to a halt on their journey. A car rested against a tree, not very badly damaged.  
-Richard, I brought mum. – Jane approached the car, her little curls sticking to her back.   
-What about the plan?!- A tiny head pooped out from one of the back seat windows.  
-Forget about the plan, I brought mum. That was the actual plan, wasn’t it?  
-Just because you were the first one it doesn't mean you have to be all bossy.  
-Enough! - Elsie's word hadn't been screamed but it had made the argument stop, at least for a while. – No arguments. Does the car work?  
-No. Besides, there are no car keys.  
-We can rest here for a while, but we will have to continue. He might be out looking for us.  
-Or he might be waiting for the storm to clear.  
-No. He won’t wait, he’s probably out already. I’ll stay up, but you two can sleep a bit. Open the door Jane and get inside.  
Carefully she pulled the door open and waited for Elsie to be inside before closing. It was dry inside, and the noises from the storm were less intimidating. She took off her coat, sat on the back seats and waited for Jane and Richard to be cuddled against her before covering them with her coat.  
-Mum.  
-What is it sweetheart?  
-Do you think dad is looking for us?  
-I know it. He loves us and he won’t let anything hurt us.  
-Will he get here soon?  
-I don’t know. We have to give him some help and find a village from where we can call Downton. Now go to sleep.  
Both children closed their eyes and cuddled against her a little closer. Both looked so relaxed, so safe. Elsie felt a lump on her throat as she stared at them. Michael had no fussed at all, he hadn’t cried, and that was starting to worry her. She looked down at him to find him staring up at her, his big blue eyes not moving an inch from her face. She took the first blanket off and placed it over one of the front seats. The second one felt dry, so she kept him swaddled in that one. She held him close to her chest, where he felt warm and started nodding off. She looked out the window but couldn’t see anything, just the rain. Maybe the kids were right and he would wait until the rain stopped. She placed her free hand over Richard’s hair and rested her own head against the back of the seat. It was then when she started looking back at the events that had led to this.   
Robert had decided to report the incident of the previous day to the police, and to her surprise they had taken him to the police station for questioning. Things according to what the sergeant had said were very complicated, because he had a number of legal papers that said that she was his wife and that the three children were his, and according to the law he had the right, but Charles had the same papers, and at least they knew they were legal for sure. Things took a turn for the worst when he decided he had wanted to report her to the authorities for adultery. Charles had almost gone out to find Mr. Green and to kill him, but Craig had stopped him, saying that the Lord or the court would give him the punishment he deserved. The next morning they had all been called to London for a trial. At first Elsie had said no. She didn’t want to go, but Robert finally talked her into going. The trial had been short, shorter than expected because the priest of Yorkshire and Dr. Clarkson had both denied Mr. Green’s claims with proofs and the judged had sentenced him to be hanged for his previous trial of murder and rape and for false claims towards the church. Of course he had also made clear that she was Mrs. Carson and that the children were Charles’ and Mr. Green had no right over her properties in Scotland, her title of Countess or her money. He hadn’t liked that, he hadn’t liked it one bit, and when they were in the car, she and the children, Mr. Green had pooped out of the blue and had driven away, police cars following him as well as Charles. He had managed to point a gun at them and had threaten them so she wouldn’t do anything foolish, and now she was in a broken car in the middle of a forest , nowhere. The only thing she wanted was to get home, but that was very far from view right now.   
-Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,  
Onward! The sailors cry.   
Carry the lad that’s born to be king.   
Over the sea to Skye.

Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar,  
Thunderclaps rend the air,  
Baffled, our foes stand by the shore,  
Follow they will not dare

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,  
Onward! The sailors cry.  
Carry the lad that’s born to be king.  
Over the sea to Skye.

Though the waves leap, soft shall ye sleep  
Ocean’s a royal bed  
Rocked in the deep, Flora will keep  
Watch by your weary head.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,  
Onward! The sailors cry.  
Carry the lad that’s born to be king.  
Over the sea to Skye.

Many’s the lad fought on that day  
Well the claymore could wield  
When the night came, silently lay  
Dead on Culloden’s field.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,  
Onward! The sailors cry.  
Carry the lad that’s born to be king.  
Over the sea to Skye.

Burned are our homes, exile and death,   
Scattered the loyal men.  
Yet ere the sword cool in the sheath,  
Charlie will come again.

Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,  
Onward! The sailors cry.  
Carry the lad that’s born to be king.  
Over the sea to Skye.

Yes, Charlie will come again.


	24. Chapter 24

The sun was starting to come out, the dark forest waking up to the light. Michael nursed happily, oblivious to what was happening around him. Jane rested against Richard hugging him, both covered by Elsie’s dry coat. Elsie hadn’t slept at all, she didn’t know what time it was but they had to start moving soon. Slowly Michael had stopped nursing and was now drifting off his mouth still latched. With her finger she removed him from her breast covering herself before she started shaking the twins.  
-It’s time to wake up.  
-It’s too early.- Jane stirred awake rubbing her eyes.  
-I know, but we have to try and find a village. Daddy must be looking for us, and we have to give him a little help.  
-I’m hungry mum. – Richard got up and stared out the window with his hands on his tummy.  
-I know sweetheart, but I don’t have any food. The only thing I can think of is milk.  
-But we will be stealing Mike’s food.  
-There’s more than enough for a glass or so for each of you. Jane, do you want to go first?  
-I think Richard is hungrier than me.   
-Okay then, come here darling. Jane take Michael very carefully. –Richard yawned and rested his head against his mother’s arm as she unbuttoned her dress again. – Remember not to bite, you have teeth and it would hurt me. Sit on my lap darling.  
Richard tried his best not to bite as he nursed. Elsie knew they had to move, they couldn’t wait until Richard was finished, it would be too dangerous.  
-Richard, hold on to me, we are leaving. –She made her way to the door and after struggling a bit she opened it. The air was cold and the floor very muddy. She held Richard as not to disturb him much as she got out and helped Jane down. – Okay, we are going to keep walking up north and see if we find a path or something. Okay?  
They started walking up north, or what she thought was the north deeper into the woods. There was a cold breeze that was freezing Elsie to her bones, her coat around Jane’s shoulders. Last night she hadn’t paid any attention to the pain on her side, but today it was sharp and was making her wonder if she had been right and she had broken a rib. She was feeling lightheaded as well but she couldn’t let anything stop her, she had three children that counted on her to survive.  
-Mum, why did that man said that we were his children?  
-Oh Jane, it’s a very long story and you are too young.  
-I’m three, I’m old enough.  
-I promise you one day I will tell you the whole story, but for now the only thing you have to worry about is your siblings, you yourself and us, mum and dad.  
-But is he our dad?  
-Of course not. Charles is your father, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Richard don’t bite. – She winced slightly when she felt his teeth sinking lightly.  
-Sorry. I think you can let me down now mum.  
-Whenever you want Jane you can eat. – She let him down and buttoned her dress again.  
-I’m tired and cold, but not hungry.  
-Okay. We soon will be out of this forest, I can feel it. OH! - She didn’t see the huge branch on the floor, and to her dismay she had stumbled upon it, landing on her face.  
-Mum! - Both children run to their mother, who was trying to get up. - Mum?  
-I’m fine. It’s okay. –she stood up with some difficulty due to the muddy slippery floor.  
-Your cheek is bleeding.  
-Doesn’t matter. Jane, give Michael here, your arms must be getting tired. - She cleaned her dress with her hands as well as her muddy bloody face.  
-Ma, I want to go home. – Jane turned to give her the baby as a few tears started running down her cheeks.  
-I know, I know baby.- She wiped them away. – And we will soon. I promise.   
-Mum, look here.  
-Not now Richard. It will be okay darling, and we will be home in no time.   
-Mum, come on, you have to see this.  
-What is it? – She turned her head to where Richard was pointing. – A church. Come one, it’s not far and maybe we can get someone there to help us. Careful with the floor, is very muddy and you might fall.  
-Mummy you look white.  
-White? You mean pale?  
-Yes, that. Are you okay?  
-Yes, don’t mind me. Be careful where you step, I don’t want you to fall. There you go Richard.  
They walked to the church through the woods carefully. Many branches had fallen due to the storm, and just to walk a few inches was becoming the worst and most difficult thing they had done so far, if climbing down a window didn’t count. After around twenty minutes they reached the building. It seemed very familiar to Elsie. She could hear voices at the other side, and she knew she looked horrible, but maybe they were the key to going back home. To her surprise she found a really familiar graveyard at the right of the church and as they kept walking she found herself face to face with Charles, Lady Mary and Robert. She couldn’t believe it, and at first she thought she had knocked herself out when she has fallen and this was only a dream. She came back to reality when she heard Jane and Richard scream and run to their father.  
-Children! Careful! – Charles turned around and opened his mouth in surprise, kneeling on the floor so he could hug them.  
-Oh, thank God you are fine. Thank God.- He kept them close to his chest and looked up to meet Elsie’s eyes. – Elsie, are you okay? You are bleeding!  
-Mrs. Carson, are you okay? – Robert run to her looking down at Michael.   
-Yes. We are all fine.  
-May I take Michael? I want to make sure he’s fine.  
She nodded at his petition and the moment Michael’s weight had been lifted from her arms everything caught up with her. She was sore to the point of feeling pain when she blinked, her side hurt more than anything in the world, a sharp pain that hurt even more whenever she took a breath. She felt extremely lightheaded, her head spinning. The bruises were now purple and very notorious, and the scrapes in her legs and her face had started to bleed when she had fallen. People were talking to her but she couldn’t hear anything, everything around her a blur. She felt cold, her breathing very laboured and all of a sudden a sharp pain in her tummy finished everything. She had screamed without knowing it. Everything went dark around her as she fell backwards on the grass.  
-ELSIE!


	25. Chapter 25

-I think she's coming around Dr. Clarkson.

-Carson, she might be opening her eyes, but she might not know where she is or anything that is happening around her. She might open her eyes and close them again the next second and not really wake up for a long time.

-I know she's waking up, I can feel it. Elsie?

The darkness and the fog in her mind and around her were slowly lifting, but she felt cold and as if she were breathing led. Her eyelids felt glued, but she forced herself to open them, searching for the source of that reassuring deep voice. She felt something clod and refreshing on her forehead and a strong warm hand on hers. Slowly she opened her eyes to the dim light of the room.

-Elsie, do you hear me? Can you hear me?

She focused her sight on the celling before turning her head to the left. Charles looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, and older than ever, his face pale and his wrinkles deep and dark. She tried to open her mouth to speak but the only thing that came out was a raspy breath and a really bad sounding cough.

-Don't talk; I know you can hear me. I was so worried about you. Those 24 hours that we spent looking for you were the worst I ever experienced, but I'm so happy you are all fine. Well, at least the children are okay. Jane has a slight cold, but Beryl and Lady Cora have been taking care of her. Lady Mary is taking care of George, Marygold and Michael.

-Why don't you drink some water Mrs. Carson? But don't move much. Carson help her up.

Charles with his hands on her back propped her up a bit and then brought a small glass to her lips. She drank as if it had been the first time she had ever seen water. After she started coughing again Charles placed the glass back on the night stand. She rested her head back on the pillows and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

-What…What happened?

-Don't talk my love. Don't talk. You fainted in the graveyard and at first we didn't know what had happened, we thought it had been the stress and the children had told me you had fallen in the forest so we took you back home. We let you rest for a while, but then you started bleeding. It was on your side, but also on your skirts. We called for Dr. Clarkson and we had to take you quickly to the hospital.

-Blood? Why was… why was I bleeding?

-When you fell in the forest you broke your already fractured ribs, and one of them ripped the skin. When you fainted it got worse. Now the blood in your skirt… You gave birth a few weeks ago, and something tells me that you've been under too much stress, and when he kidnapped you he probably treated you like an object and not a human being.

-He hurt me, but he didn't force me.

-There was no need for it. But don't worry, we stopped it and we operated your ribs. But you have been out for almost a week now. You contracted a very serious pneumonia. You seem to be getting better now.

-My chest hurts.

-It will pass. You've had very serious fevers, and we thought we were losing you a few days ago. Your nose started to bleed; you threw up and wouldn't stop coughing. Thankfully your fever went down and your cough has improved a lot.

-The children are fine?

-Yes. They are absolutely perfect. The twins have told us very nice stories of your adventure. Apparently you climbed out a window, spent the night in a forest, walked through the woods in a storm…

-I also got almost drowned in a bathtub… threatened with a gun pointing at my head…

-They got him. They found him near Devon under a false name. He was looking for his wife and his three children. The police got him and he's now in a high security jail in London. The want you to witness him being hanged, but with you being ill they've had to postpone it. As soon as you have recovered we will go and settle this for once and for all.

-Where are Craig and Adeleide?

-They had to go back to Scotland to solve a few problems, but they said that we would try to come back as soon as they could to bring you all the documents.

-What documents?

-I don't know, but I'm sure they are not important. You need to rest.

-I want to see the kids.

-I don't recommend it Mrs. Carson. Jane has a slight cold and that could risk her health.

-Okay. But are you sure they are fine?

-They are. I can promise you that. Now rest; sleep. It's the first time you've actually woken up, and we don't want you to overdo it.

-You are lying.

-What? What do you mean I'm lying?

-I can feel it. I know you are lying. What is going on?

-Everything is fine.

-No. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me right now. What is going on?!

-I don't think…

-Tell me right now!

-Okay, calm down. Calm down. It's Richard.

-Richard? What's wrong with him?

-He… He became very ill the other day. Very ill.

-How ill? Is he okay?

-He's in the hospital. He's stable, but he caught a worst cause of pneumonia. Right now he's being taken care of. He's fine and they seem to think the worst has passed.

-My baby…- tears formed in her eyes.

-Don't cry darling. He's fine. He's still unconscious but his fever has decreased. I was with him this morning.

-I need to see him.

-No, Mrs. Carson. You are ill as well, and you need to recover.

-I don't care. My baby needs me. I need to be with him.

-Elsie, you can't. Please, don't overdo it. I promise you I will spend as much time as I can without neglecting my duties, with him. Okay? And I will tell you everything that the nurses tell me. If I do that will you rest?

-Do you promise me you will do it?

-I will.

-Okay. I'll rest. By the way, who's been feeding Michael?

-We've been giving him a new formula. Don't worry, it's safe and he seems to like it.

-I wish I could just close my eyes and forget all this has happened. Everything. I'm so tired of all this. The pain, the blood, the deaths, the rapes… Why can't everything go back to the way it was before?

-Because if any of this had happened we wouldn't be married and we wouldn't have three beautiful children. No pain, no sadness can mask the happiness these little three creatures bring into our lives.

-But so many bad things have happened. Too many. I don't know if I can take it anymore.

-We are in this together, we will make it. Now rest please. I'll go see if Michael and Jane are fine.

-I love you.

-I love you too.

She closed her eyes, here head pounding and her throat sore from talking. Charles ran his hand through her hair before leaving the room and Dr. Clarkson with her. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen where everyone including Lady Cora and Lord Grantham.

-How is she?

-Awake. She is fine, getting better. She asked about the children

-You told her about Richard?

-Yes. She wanted to go and see him, but we talked her out of it. She's resting now.

-Have you told her everything?

-Not everything. It would kill her.

-How are you going to tell her that Richard is one step away from…

-I won't tell her because he is going to get better. He's going to survive.

-But if he doesn't what are you going to tell her. Soon she'll be better, and she will want to go and visit him. They won't let her.

-He'll be fine. I know he will.

-You have faith. I'll give you that.

-He'll be fine Mr. Barrow. He'll be fine.

-That's what you say. He's too ill. Better get used to the idea that he's going to die. Start thinking about what you are going to tell your wife when she gets out of this.

-When will you stop acting like this?! He's my son, and I will not have you telling me that he's going to die.

He walked out of the room and slammed the door to his pantry closed.

-You've been too rude.

-I'm sorry but I won't go around thinking he's going to be fine when it can be clearly seen he won't. I won't lie to myself. It will be more painful.

-You are an asshole Thomas. You've really outdone yourself this time.

Everyone slowly left the kitchen, Thomas didn't even move. He stared at the front, his mind miles away.

-I don't like saying it, I love that child too.

Sighing he stood up, the kitchen in silence; no soul there, just the sun coming from one of the windows.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I had to do this, I cried while I was writing it, please review and tell me what you think and if someone wants me to add something to the storyline I’ll be glad to receive PM or you can tell me in the reviews.

The commotion downstairs woke Elsie up. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. It was dark outside, and the lights had gone off a while ago. She sat on the bed, her head clear and the coughing very light. She turned the lamp on her night stand on to find an empty room. She looked at the clock. It was well past one o’clock. It was too late for Charles to be up, and if something had happened or the children had woken up they would have woken the both of them. She picked her robe from the chair in front of her mirror and walked downstairs. She could hear hushed voices in the Hall; she opened the green door and picked out. The door cricked and everyone turned to look at her. Some were crying, others had concerned faces and others couldn’t even meet her eyes. She felt a bit uneasy at this, so she closed the door and walked down to the kitchen. It was surprising how many people were gathered in the Hall at one in the morning. But it was more surprising to find the entire staff in the Servants Halls.  
-Excuse me? - She knocked on the door.  
-Elsie, what are you doing up? You have to go back to bed.  
-I’m feeling fine Mrs. Patmore. What are you all doing up?  
-Nothing.  
-It can’t be “nothing”. I’ve seen people gathered in the Hall. They were crying and in mourning.  
-It doesn’t matter. - She heard sobs among the servants and Anna looking at her with sad eyes.  
-What is going on?  
-I’ve told you, now go back to bed, you need to rest.  
-I’ve rested enough Mrs. Patmore. –A nervous feeling was creeping up her throat.- What is going on? Where’s Charles?  
-I can’t tell you. I just can’t.  
-At least tell me where’s Charles?  
-I don’t know. He left. An hour ago or so.  
-Beryl, this is very odd.  
-Look, I can’t tell ye anything. Go upstairs and maybe they will tell you.  
-Okay. Now everyone to bed. You look positively dreadful.  
Elsie turned around and up the stairs. The green door was ajar, so she pushed it a bit more open and stepped outside. Silence fell around the Hall, everyone staring at her. She felt as if she had stepped into a party uninvited. Cora stepped in her direction but stopped mid-step; tears running down her cheeks.  
-My Lady, what’s wrong?  
-Oh, I’m so sorry Elsie. So sorry.  
-Sorry? Whatever do you mean?  
-We thought he would get better. We really did. Even Dr. Clarkson said this morning that he would get out of this one.  
-He? Get out of this one? I don’t seem to follow My Lady.  
-Carson hasn’t told you?  
-Tell me what? –her heart pounded against her chest.  
-I can’t bring myself to tell you. I believe Carson its outside, and he probably needs you. You will need each other.  
-You are scaring me My Lady.  
-I’m sorry. Better go outside.  
Slowly she made her way to the door, her bare feet patting the floor. Everyone stared at her as she made her way to the front entrance and opened it. She turned her head and saw Cora crying slightly, her head against her husband’s shoulder. She made her way outside to find Charles sitting on the floor. This was so unlike him, he would never sit on the floor.  
-Charles? – He turned to look at her, his eyes red.  
-What are you doing up? - His voice raspy and sharp.  
-The commotion woke me up. What’s got into you? You’ve never acted like this before.  
-I don’t how to tell you this.  
-Tell me what? Everyone has been avoiding the issue, and I would like to know what has the house in mourning.  
-You might want to sit down.  
-I don’t want to sit down; I want you to tell me what is going on?  
-Okay. Alright. I had hoped I would never have to tell you this, but... – He stood up and took her hands. - Our… God this is so difficult. Our child… Richard…he’s…He was fine this morning, but… Dr. Clarkson tried everything; I swear it, but…  
-But what Charles Carson?!  
-I’m afraid he’s… he’s passed away.  
She felt as if she had just been hit with a ton a bricks, her head spinning and a fog clouding her thoughts. After a few seconds she burst out laughing. Charles stared blankly at her, her action completely unexpected. She couldn’t stop laughing, her stomach had started to hurt from it, tears were forming in her eyes and she couldn’t breathe. Charles shook her, shook her until silence fell around them again.  
-Are you okay Elsie? - She was flushed and was having a hard time breathing.  
-And now is when you tell me is all a joke and he’s upstairs in the nursery, right? Right?  
-He’s not upstairs my love and I’m afraid he will never be again. He’s passed away a few hours ago.  
-No. No, you are wrong. You told me he was fine, that he’s was getting better.  
-Elsie, I’m so sorry. He’s no longer here with us.  
-Charles, you are wrong.-she released herself from his grip and walked backwards, away from him.- You are wrong, you have to be. He’s not… he can’t be…  
-We tried it Elsie, we really did, but he’s dead.  
She stared blankly at him, her mouth open, her arms embracing herself. She felt dizzy, memories running through her mind. He wanted to learn how cars worked, he loved cars; he had told her he wanted to help the chauffer with the cars a few weeks ago. He had had the biggest smile on his lips Elsie had ever seen when he had told her about it. The memories of his first word, how he had started walking and running in his nappy in no time, exploring the chimney, getting coal all over, but oh lord how happy he had been then. She remembered that one time when he had left the nursery and ended up in her Ladyship’s room, asleep on the bed. Cora had found him, and had let him sleep there for that evening. He was an angel, always coming up with the most funny and curios plans and ideas. She locked eyes with Charles and felt the worst pain in her chest she had ever experienced in her life. It felt as if she was being ripped open, stabbed in the heart and burned alive. Tears were now falling down her cheeks. She screamed. It was a scream filled with pain, loss, terror… She fell on her knees, crying her heart out. It couldn’t be true, he had dreams, he was too young. He was her baby. Charles drew her closer into his arms, her tears burning him, her screams breaking his heart slowly. He kissed her hair, his own tears free. She was grabbing his sleeves trying to escape the pain, but it wouldn’t go. Why didn’t it go? It hurt too much.  
-It’s okay, he’s… he’s in a better place now… He’s with your… with your parents… they will take care of him.  
-He must have been so scared… And I wasn’t there to hold him… I wasn’t there to hold him… I wasn’t there…  
She screamed again, the pain in her chest indescribable. She cried, tried to cry the pain away. She hadn’t been there holding her baby, waving him goodbye as her parents carried him to the other side throw the light. She hadn’t even seen her baby, all alone in that hospital. She couldn’t bear it. It was all her fault, if she had insisted on going he might have been alive now. Her baby was gone, and with him part of her soul. She didn’t have the strength to get up, the only thing she wanted to do was cry, cry until the pain disappeared. He wanted to take it away, wanted her to be happy again, but she would never be fully happy anymore. Everyone was standing near the door, watching the scene with heartbroken stares, between sobs and tears. They had never seen her breaking this way, is as if she had been made out of glass and had broken right in front of their eyes.  
-It’s okay. We are here. We will take care of you.  
-Who will… who will take care… take care of Richard? He can’t… He’s never been… without me. And now he’s… he’s all alone… and I can’t protect him. My baby… - She let herself go, no strength left in her.  
-He’ll be okay. He has… your parents, and mines… He’ll be waiting for us. He will.  
-It hurts… It hurts too much… I wasn’t there… I wasn’t there Charles…I wasn’t there…  
-You were. I know you were. He knows you were. We were all there.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapters have been sad, I know, but I promise things will get better. Please review and tell me what you think and if someone wants me to add something to the storyline I'll be glad to receive PM or you can tell me in the reviews.

The rain fell against the windows, the sky a dark shade of gray, thunders could be heard in the distance. The room was cold, the chimney laid silent, the coal hadn't been turned on in months. With no artificial light in the room, but with the curtains open, the shadows played tricks on her mind, but she couldn't see them, she wouldn't see them. She hadn't heard the knock on the door; she just sat on his bed, his teddy bear on her lap. After she had discovered of his passing she had wanted to go home, and even though they had insisted it wasn't good for her, that she still had to rest, she packed her things and left. They didn't say anything about it; she needed to go home and be in an environment where she could grief in peace. Shortly after her return home Charles and the children also came back; Elsie had been sharp and told Jane that she would be sleeping in the guestroom.

-Why can't I sleep in my room?

-I said no and I don't have to explain myself!

She had seen tears in her daughter's eyes, something she hadn't meant to do, what caused a little more pain in her heart. She kneeled in front of her and hugged her, close to her chest. She apologized over and over again. Jane soon stopped crying, but Elsie didn't; to her surprise her daughter wiped the tears away and kissed her cheeks, then she went downstairs smiling. They hadn't told her about Richard and they had to, soon, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't want to bring more pain, tears and grief into this house.

She was now staring blankly at the teddy bear, tears threatening to fall. She had spent half the day in that room, in his room.

-Elsie? - She turned her head slowly to the door where he stood, his hand on the doorknob.

-Yes? - She hadn't spoken much in this week, she wasn't sure if her voice would last enough for her to say what she wanted to say or if it would crack and leave her.

-Everything is ready. Are you okay?

-Am I okay? I don't know.

-If you don't feel up to it you can stay here.

-No. I owe him this. I owe him this.

-You don't owe anything to anyone. He knows you were there, in his heart.

-That wasn't enough. It just wasn't.

-It's okay. I mean it; if you want to stay here no one will say anything. They will understand.

-How things have been in the house? - She changed the subject quickly when the tears started to fall.

-As well as it can be expected. Ana has been doing a very good job as a substitute housekeeper, and Mr. Barrow has been very supportive. He feels guilty about what he said.

-Guilty? - She turned her head back to the teddy bear, the tears falling on the soft fabric of the toy.

-Yes. He said a few things he now regrets terribly, but it doesn't matter now.

-Doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

-Everything matters Elise. - He sat next to her on the bed. After a few minutes in an almost oppressive silence he spoke again – Lord Grantham won't be able to attend the services.

-Why?

-He was called to London early yesterday morning. The trials about the incident of the Titanic have started. He tried to postpone it, but there was no possible way he could have done it. The judge just wouldn't have it. Lady Cora stayed, on the other hand. She refused to go. I think it was because since she lost Lady Sybill she thought her place was here with you. With us.

-When are we going to tell Jane? We can't keep on telling her that he's… he's still… he's still in the hospital.

-Soon we will.

-How soon?

-I don't know, but soon.

-You won't do it. You will let someone else do the dirty job for you or you will keep it from her forever.

-You know I won't do that. I've never done it.

-You kept his death from me. You didn't tell me he was that ill. You didn't let me go and see him.

-I thought I was doing the best for you. You've let yourself go Elsie. Where is that strong Scottish woman I knew once?

-She's gone. Gone with her child.

-No. She's still here; I know she is, she's just too scared to come out.

-And what if she's scared?! She's so fed up with all this things. So tired. So angry. So in pain.

-Let it all out Elsie. Let it all out.

-It's your fault!- she stood up and pointed a finger at him.-If you had told me about this before I might have been able to do something, but you decided that I didn't have the right to know, you didn't ask, you just took this decision on your own. I could have been there with him and maybe helped him get over this, but I wasn't there. I was in bed thinking that he was alright, being happy when he was in pain and alone. I wasn't there, and there so many things we were going to do together. I left him on his own, I didn't spend all the time with him he deserved and now he's gone. And it's your entire fault. It's your entire fault.

She cried, and cried, and cried. Charles felt awful about what he had said, but somehow he thought that now she could grief in a less painful way, now that she had let everything out she would start to heal, slowly. She fell in his open arms and cried with her face hidden on his chest. He kept her close, as close as he could, whispering soft words on her hair. It had taken her almost the entire morning to get dressed and braid her hair; she felt weak and couldn't eat a thing, not even have a spot of tea. She felt numb, as if everything that was happening outside that room didn't affect her, as if she was inside a glass bubble. After a while she felt that she had no tears left in her to cry, so she just sobbed in his husband's arms. Cora had walked upstairs to see why they hadn't gone down yet, the priest was waiting. She heard the cries and the screams and after a few seconds of hesitance she walked over to the children's room and picked inside. He found Elsie crying on her husband's chest, her face pale and red, Charles holding her close. She felt her own tears falling freely. She felt like an intruder, so she quietly left the room and went outside.

-My Lady?- Baxter let Molesley's hand and walked a few steps on her Ladyship's direction.

-It's okay Baxter. They are fine, they are grieving, and we will have to wait until they are ready to come down. Why don't you all go? I will wait here.

Elsie stopped crying after a while and stood up to look into her husband's eyes. He held her hands and smiled at her.

-Are you okay?

-I'm so sorry. I shouldn't…

-No need to apologize.

-But he was your son too, and I've been acting as if you had nothing to do with him.

-This is just your way of letting the pain out. Are feeling better now?

-A bit.

-Do you want to go to the funeral?

-Yes. I want to be with him. I want to say goodbye.

-Alright. Hold my hand. I'm going to be here always.

She nodded and slowly walked with him to the door, her left hand in his and her right hand holding his teddy bear. Carefully they made their way to the door, and after putting their jackets and hats on they walked outside. Elsie was tired, very tired, but the cold air and the slight rain helped her clear her thoughts for a while. The car was waiting outside. In the numbness and the weakness she was experiencing she didn't feel as if she was walking or sitting, she didn't feel the bumps on the road as they made their way to the graveyard. The mass in memory of Richard had been performed the previous Sunday, two days before the actual funeral, and Elsie had been too weak mentally and physically to attend it. Charles had told her that it had been beautiful, that the priest had spoken such beautiful words it felt as if God had been talking through him, reassuring him and in response, her. The graveyard had always looked like a place for else where people simply buried the bodies of their loved ones, there was nothing beautiful about it. Now it was her baby's new home, near the Lord's home. The priest spoke, but she didn't hear a word. The white coffin rested on the floor, a whole in the ground waiting for it. She touched it, the cold, wet and smooth surface underneath her fingertips. She couldn't cry anymore, she felt empty, hollowed on her inside.

-Elsie- he touched her arm. – Father Johann wants you to say a few words. Do you want to?

-Oh… I suppose so. – She looked up to meet his eyes and then lowered them again. – I've never done this before, and I'm not very sure what I'm supposed to say… But I'll try. Richard… Richard… Richard was the sweetest, most wonderful, imaginative child I've ever met. I loved him with my entire being, I still love him, and I don't think I will ever stop. I've always thought that he was going to be a wonderful young man one day. I still think so, even though he won't celebrate any more birthdays. Jane, on the other hand will. He was a wonderful baby, he cared for everyone; he was curious and loved cars. But he secretly told me he wanted to be… he wanted… he wanted to be a farmer. He said he loved horses and he wanted to have chickens and cows. He said he would discover why when it rained the black spots didn't go.- a few giggles were heard among the crowd.- I've wondered why the Lord, if we were both ill, decided to take him and not me. He had so much life to live; I've already had my share.

-Relax Elsie, deep breaths before you go on.

-I just want to finish by tell you how much I love you- She lowered her lips to the coffin and after a kiss she rested her forehead against it.- I love you so, so, so much not even words can explain it. I'm always going to love you and I will never forget you. Never. I will be waiting for the day in which we will meet again. I love you my Richard. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. You've must have been so scared and I wasn't there to blow your fears away. I'm so sorry, and I hope one day you will forgive me. Goodbye my baby, remember mummy loves you.

Charles grabbed her lightly by her arms and pulled her away from the coffin. They lowered it slowly before graving the shovels. Beryl threw a white rose inside and turned to walk back home with a whipping Daisy. Slowly the graveyard cleared except for Charles and Elsie. She hadn't moved an inch.

-Elsie, everyone is leaving, I think we should go too.

-No, I want to stay with him for a little while.

-Okay, then I'll stay with you.

Charles placed his arms around her shoulders and kept her close to his chest. Elsie rested against him, her hands hugging Richard's teddy bear in the light rain.


	28. Chapter 28

Cora opened the nursery door to find the most heartwarming scene since their arrival from America. Elsie sat on her rocking chair, her blouse unbuttoned and Michael lying on her chest in his nappy, a blanket covering them both, a pillow underneath him, supporting his feet. Jane was sitting in her crib playing with a car and a doll. She looked so much more peaceful now, like this, than any other time she had seen her before. In the little table next to the rocking chair laid a dirty napkin as well as a plate with half a sandwich. Cora smiled, “At least she’s eating a bit”, she thought.   
She looked down at Michael, whose little eyes were closing and opening every now and then, his mouth pouting slightly. His weight on her chest reassured her, made her feel as if life was worth living, that there was something worth living for. With her finger she touched his fair hair and then stroked the back of his little hand. He was so soft. In his almost sleep state he reached and grabbed her finger, cuddling against her warm hand. She looked up to watch on Jane, who was now making the wrinkles on her blanket look like a road where the car was racing a small wooden horse.  
-Darling, - she whispered as not to wake Michael. - you’ve got the other half of your sandwich here.   
-I’m in a race mum and Mr. Sandwich can’t attend it.  
-Alright, but once the race is over I want you to eat it.  
-And the winner?  
-He can wait, I’m sure. Go on, finish your race, darling. – She sat on the chair more comfortably without waking Michael; he just pouted his lips a bit more and let her finger go for a second.  
Cora sighed quietly before knocking on the door. Jane looked up from his cars and smiled, reaching for her sandwich between the bars of the crib. Elsie looked up, nodded lightly before looking back at Michael.  
-I’ve come to see if you would like a spot of tea? It was rather chilly this morning in the graveyard.  
-Yes, I would like some.  
-Of course. I’ll bring it up myself.  
-You don’t have to My Lady. One of the maids can do it.  
-I insist. You are a Countess now, and…  
-I’m no Countess My Lady. I do not wish to sound rude, but I’ve never been a countess and I will never be one. I’m just Elsie Carson Hughes, the housekeeper. Nothing else.  
-So you’ve decided that you won’t accept the inheritance?  
-I will accept it, but I won’t act as a Countess. I’m just a Housekeeper.   
-That’s fine. And just for you to know, this won’t mean we are no longer friends. You are wonderful woman, and I won’t stop having teas with you or dinners. I hope you get used to it. I’m your friend.  
-Thank you My Lady.- tears were threatening to fall.- I’m a roller-coaster. I’m angry one minute and the next one I’m crying. Don’t think you’ve made me feel sad… actually I’m feeling overwhelmed with happiness. I know I shouldn’t feel this; I’ve just lost my big boy but…  
-No. You can feel happy. You can feel whatever your body and your soul is telling you to feel, and if now you’re feeling happy don’t fight it. - Cora walked over to her side and touched her shoulder, smiling sweetly at her.  
-Thank you, really, thank you. I’ve been so nasty with you all and I just want to apologize.  
-Nonsense. Robert slept in another room when Sybill died. Then of course I blamed him for her death.  
-I don’t want to push Charles away; he was his son as well.   
-Mum? - Jane was staring at her, her eyes wide open, curious.- Have you lost Richard? Is daddy looking for him?  
-Oh, my darling. This is hard for me. I don’t know how to tell you what has happened.  
-Has something happened to Richard?  
-Yes my baby. - Charles entered the room and picked her up, her sandwich forgotten on the blanket.  
-What? - She was smiling at him.  
-Well, you knew that he was ill and he was with Dr. Clarkson, right? - He kneeled next to Elsie.  
-Yes. He said he was curing him. Does he have a wand like the wizards in my books?  
-Oh, no darling. - Elsie stroked her hair- He doesn’t cure people with magic. He tried to cure your brother with medicines and things that doctors have.   
-But a few days ago those medicines stopped working on your brother.  
-And sadly his little heart stopped, and he died.  
Elsie and Charles looked at each other, fearing how she might react. At first she stared at her dad with a questioning and confused look, but soon she hugged him and looked at Elsie.  
-Is Richard with grandma and grandpa?  
-Of course. They are taking good care of him.  
-That’s why you were crying? He’s happy in heaven with the Angels mummy.   
-I know.-Elsie felt new tears running down her cheeks, but she smiled. She smiled the most truthful smile she had smiled in a while. - He’s happy up there.  
-He probably gets to have cake every day. Can I have cake every day?  
-Perhaps little bean. Mum and I will have to think about it. Now you have to finish your sandwich.  
-Richard won’t home, no?  
-I’m afraid so darling, but we won’t forget him.   
-Of course we won’t. He told me a secret.  
-What secret little bean?  
-He knew why the spots on the cows didn’t go away when it rained. We made me promise him I wouldn’t tell anyone, but is a very important discovery.  
-And why they don’t go away? - Elsie stroked her cheek her silent tears falling.  
-Because they are part of their hair. - She whispered it. - You can’t tell anyone, not even you, your Ladyship.  
-I promise I won’t breathe a word. I’ll bring the tea now.  
Cora stepped outside as Charles placed Jane back on the crib so she could eat the rest of the sandwich. He brought a chair next to her rocking chair and caressed his soft head.  
-She took it rather well.  
-She’s young. She probably understands but not in a level where it can make her cry or scream. I think it’s better like this.   
-Yes. She knows but she also thinks that he’s having as much fun as she is on Heaven.  
-And what about you? Are you feeling better?  
-Yes. Slightly. It’s hard to fully understand it and be conscious of it, but I’m getting there.  
-I’m sorry if anything I said this morning caused any pain.  
-No, you didn’t. I haven’t been myself for quite some time now. I’ve been neglecting my duties and I have left myself go. That won’t be the case anymore.  
-Take your time. The Elsie I know will be back with us in no time.  
-I’ve already started. I’ve decided that I won’t be a Countess.   
-You are going to reject the inheritance?  
-Not exactly. I’m just not going to be a Countess; I’m going to keep my post as a Housekeeper. We will maintain everything as it was. Craig and Adeleide will be the new owners of the castle.  
-Are you going to sell them…  
-No. I’m giving them the castle. Too much luxury for me. Why, did you want it?  
-I want what you want. You know I’m a very simple man.   
-Yes, my simple man. And my simple little girl, my simple little boy and my simple little angel.  
-You look happier. I like that.  
-I know.   
-Anyone would like some tea?- Cora pushed the door open with her back carrying a tray in her hands.- I’ve brought some cake as well. Thought Jane would like some, like her brother.  
-Thank you My Lady. It’s very kind of you.  
-Nonsense. Besides, I don’t think you would like Mrs. Patmore to barge in right now. She’s lovely, but a bit too eager sometimes. I’ll leave it here and you can serve yourselves. Lord Grantham has come back, and he wasn’t in a good mood.  
-Anything we can do My Lady.  
-Yes. Don’t mind us, think about you and your family right now Mrs. Carson. That’s exactly what you can do for me.  
Michael fussed in Elsie’s arms, releasing her finger. Elsie patted his back lightly before he settled back to sleep. By that time Cora had already left. Jane was playing with one of her dolls now, the issue of her brother’s death deep within her mind but not forgotten. Charles prepared her a cup of tea and left it on the little table.  
-I have to go now, see if his Lordship needs anything before heads start to roll.  
-I understand. Besides, it’s time for Jane’s nap.  
-Will you be alright on your own?  
-Yes. Go.  
His lips tasted of wine, she had almost forgotten it. He left the room after putting Jane to sleep. He kissed her head and closed the door.  
-Mum?  
-What darling?  
-Will I ever see Richard again? - Jane’s blue eyes looked at her with curiosity.  
-Yes, but not for quite a few years. Now go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s lunch time.-She closed her eyes, hugging her rabbit pet and nodding off shortly afterwards.- We will all see him one day, won’t we my dearie.?- She patted lightly Michael’s back, feeling for the first time since Richard’s passing, at ease, relaxed. She soon fell asleep.


End file.
